GIFT  OF 
.ti.    Rogers 


OUR    SUCCESS    IN 
CHILD- TRAINING 


OUR    SUCCESS    IN 
CHILD  -TRAINING 


PRACTICAL    EXPERIENCES 
OF    MANY    MOTHERS 


EDITED   BY 

GUSTAV    POLLAK 

n 

EDITOR  OF  "BABYHOOD"  AND  JOINT 
AUTHOR,  WITH  DR.  L.  M.  YALE,  OF 
"THE  CENTURY  BOOK  FOR  MOTHERS" 


THE  CONTEMPORARY  PUBLISHING  CO. 
5  BEEKMAN  STREET 

NEW    YORK 


Copyright,  1902 
By  THE  BABYHOOD  PUBLISHING  Co. 


Rooney  &  Otten  Printing  Co.,  114-120  West  aoth  St.,  N.  Y. 


PREFACE 

THE  subjects  of  this  volume  are  all  discussed 
in  the  light  of  practical  experience.  They  re- 
present the  views  of  intelligent  mothers  in  every 
part  of  the  country  upon  the  question  of  nursery 
discipline  and  child-training-.  Not  a  few  of  the 
articles,  on  their  first  appearance  in  the  columns  of 
BABYHOOD,  attracted  wide  attention  and  provoked 
comment  in  other  journals.  It  is  hoped  that 
the  collection  may  now  command  a  still  wider 
hearing.  The  occasional  intrusion  of  an  interested 
father  into  the  discussion  of  a  particularly  knotty 
educational  problem  will  not  be  resented  by  the 
audience  to  which  this  volume  appeals. 


369914 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 

i.— Problems  of  Discipline 9 

A  Modern  Philosopher  in  the  Nursery  —  Justice  in  the 
Home  —  Untruthful  Children  —  Consistency  in  Gov- 
ernment—The Injustice  of  Haste  —  A  Firm  Father 
and  a  Tender-Hearted  Mother  — A  Dilemma  —  Ways 
Out  of  the  Dilemma  —  Who  Was  Right?  —  Answers 
to  "Who  Was  Right?"— Good  Habits  Learned  Auto- 
matically —  Raising  by  Rule  —  An  Effectual  Method 
of  Subduing  Restlessness  —  Incorrigible,  and  Only 
Four  —  When  Children  Rule  —  A  Medical  View  of 
Nursery  Discipline  —  Laying  Wrong  Foundations. 

ii.— Morals  and  Manners 85 

Deceiving  Our  Children  —  Around  the  Table  —  The 
Moral  Tone  of  a  Child  —  How  to  Deal  with  the 
Children  of  Our  Neighbors  —  The  Early  Formation 
of  Regular  Habits  —  Sharp  and  Forward  Children  — 
Babies  at  Public  Meetings  —  Religious  Education  of 
Children  —  Parental  Example  at  the  Table  —  Who 
Deserves  the  Credit  ? 

in.— Ways  and  Means  in  the  Nursery 123 

What  Not  to  Do  —  Self-Control  in  the  Household  — 
Commemoration  of  Birthdays  —  Advantages  of  "Play- 
ing Doctor"  — The  Baby's  Bank  Account  —  Still 
Seeking  the  Nursery  Maid  —  The  Need  of  Educated 
Mothers  —  The  Charms  of  Bed-Time  —  How  the 
Laddies  Go  to  Sleep  —  Children's  Questions — Early 
Use  of  Memory  —  The  Care  of  Delicate  Children  — 


viii  CONTENTS. 

The  Convalescent  Baby  —  Imagination  Running  Riot 

—  The  Companionship  of  Animal  Pets  —  Children  of 
Large  Families  —  A  Mother's  Fright. 

iv.— Unusual   Traits i79 

A  Remarkably  Precocious  Child  —  Imaginary  Play- 
mates —  Sensitiveness  to  Strange  Sounds  —  Cultiva- 
ting or  Curbing  the  Imagination  of  Young  Children  ? 

—  A    Youthful    Admirer    of    Uncle    Remus  —  How 
Children  Connect  Ideas — Little  Rob's  First  Dream 

—  Youthful  Obstinacy  —  The  Bump  of  Destruction  — 
Dislike    of    a    Pillow  —  Trouble    with     Early     Bad 
Habits  —  Dangerously  Overwrought    Feelings  —  Vi- 
carious Virtue  and  Vice — A  Pretty  Bed-Time  Fancy — 
Children's  Ideas  of  Time  —A  Baby's  First  Words  — 
The    Different  Dispositions   of   Two    Devoted  Little 
Brothers  —  A  Remarkable   Memory  —  Sensitiveness 
and  Self-Restraint  —  Conscientious,   yet    Inclined   to 
Tell    Falsehoods  —  Children's  Views  on    Matters   of 
Dress  —  The  Child's  World. 


I 

PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE 


A  MODERN  PHILOSOPHER  IN  TttE  NUR- 
SERY. 

Whoever  has  had  experience  in  caring  for  children 
and  in  studying  them  has  been  amazed  to  find  on  some 
inciting  occasion  that  the  baby  of  but  a  few  brief 
months  has  developed  a  will  to  all  appearance  as  stub- 
born and  as  old  as  eternal  evil.  With  what  a  sense  of 
relief  must  a  mother  whose  aims  are  high  turn  to  any 
system  which  offers  guidance  through  the  tangled  path 
which  lies  before  her! 

The  system  proposed  by  Herbert  Spencer  in  his 
"Education"  is  simple  and  easily  understood,  and  may 
be  adapted  to  children  in  any  condition  of  life.  It  is 
not  the  purpose  of  this  article  to  give,  even  in  outline, 
the  complete  theory,  but  to  call  attention  to  one  or  two 
points  only  which  have  been  especially  helpful  in  the 
homes  where  they  have  been  tried. 

When  the  mother  is  convinced  that  the  baby  under- 
stands her  words  and  is  capable  of  seeing  that  actions 
in  his  world  are  divided  into  two  classes — that  he  may 
do  some  things,  and  may  not  do  some  others — it  is  safe 
for  her  to  conclude  that  the  tender  bud  has  become 
the  twig  which  may  be  bent.  One  way  of  determin- 
ing whether  this  change  has  occurred  in  your  child  is 
by  observing  carefully  the  child  of  some  friend  who  is 
of  the  same  age  as  your  own.  "Did  you  notice  the 


12  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

Ktile  S noy?K  a  father  asked  a  mother  not  long 

ago.  "Yes.  I  did,"  she  replied.  "Did  it  occur  to  you 
thai  h^  is  old  e-iough  to  mind?"  he  continued.  "Why, 
certainly  he  is."  "Well,  he  was  born  the  same  week 
that  our  boy  was,  and  we  have  never  thought  him  old 
enough  to  be  governed  at  all."  There  is  a  great  deal 
of  enlightenment  gained  from  dispassionate  judgment 
of  other  people's  children. 

It  is  at  this  serious  period,  when  some  course  must 
be  settled  upon,  that  the  suggestions  in  Spencer's  work 
on  "Education"  will  be  found  most  helpful.  First  of 
all,  the  mother  must  be  so  uniformly  and  reasonably 
gentle  with  the  child  that  an  unkind  look  or  word  will 
really  mean  something  to  him,  and  will  make  an  im- 
pression upon  his  mind ;  he  is  not  to  be  repelled  unless 
it  is  done  with  a  purpose;  he  is  not  to  be  harshly 
spoken  to  because  some  one  else  has  done  wrong,  or 
because  his  mother  has  a  headache  or  is  tired;  she  is 
to  be  his  wise  and  kind  friend,  who  controls  herself, 
and  so  may  hope  to  control  him.  The  wisdom  of  this 
course  will  be  justified  continually,  as  the  child  grows 
strong  and  climbs  about,  endangering  his  head  and 
limbs ;  for  a  word  or  look  will  sometimes  restrain  him. 
Just  so  far  as  possible  the  penalties  exacted  by  nature 
for  disobedience  to  her  laws  should  be  allowed  to  teach 
the  little  offender.  If,  for  example,  a  child  persists  in 
playing  about  the  stove,  let  him  burn  himself,  watch- 
ing and  taking  care  that  the  burn  shall  not  be  a  serious 
one,  but  only  a  complete  and  emphatic  exposition  of  the 
nature  of  fire.  To  illustrate  this  still  further,  a  little 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  13 

boy  who  is  living  under  the  sway  of  an  enlightened 
mother  found  great  delight  in  climbing  into  a  chair 
in  order  to  pull  things  from  a  shelf;  he  could  not  be 
left  a  moment  in  safety;  repeatedly  taking  him  down 
and  telling  him  about  falling,  and  that  falling  hurts 
little  boys,  did  no  good;  at  last  he  was  allowed  to 
fall  far  enough  to  become  thoroughly  frightened,  and 
after  a  few  repetitions  he  exercised  greater  caution. 
The  same  child  found  a  peculiar  fascination  in  whir- 
ling himself  around  until  he  became  dizzy;  he  heeded 
no  injunctions  to  stop  or  to  be  careful ;  so  one  day  his 
mother  moved  the  tables  and  chairs  out  of  his  way  and 
let  him  fall  to  the  floor.  Of  course  he  was  not  in  any 
way  injured,  but,  the  fall  being  the  natural  result  of 
his  act,  he  was  taught  effectually  what  falling  is,  and 
a  few  trials  convinced  him  that  it  always  hurts  more 
or  less,  while  mother's  punishment  is  not  so  invariable. 
The  youngest  child  soon  learns  this,  and  in  that  is 
found  the  cause  or  source  of  much  of  the  failure  in 
good  government.  "Your  penalties,"  says  Spencer, 
"should  be  like  those  of  nature,  inevitable;  no  threats, 
but  a  silent,  rigorous  performance.  If  a  child  runs  a 
pin  into  its  ringers,  pain  follows ;  if  it  does  it  again, 
there  is  the  same  result;  and  so  on  perpetually,  in  all 
its  dealings  with  surrounding  inorganic  nature,  it  finds 
this  unswerving  persistence  which  listens  to  no  excuse 
and  from  which  there  is  no  appeal ;  and  very  soon  rec- 
ognizing this  stern  though  beneficent  discipline,  it  be- 
comes extremely  careful  not  to  transgress." 

There  are  occasionally  burnt  children  who  do  not 


14  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

dread  the  fire,  but  such  cases  are  rare,  and  there  seems 
to  be  nothing  better  to  be  done  than  to  keep  careful 
watch  over  the  child.  Then  there  are  cases  where  a 
parent  must  take  the  place  of  nature,  and  must  step 
in  with  authority.  To  illustrate  this :  A  little  boy  of 
five  constantly  annoyed  a  baby-brother;  if  the  baby 
were  quietly  seated  in  a  little  chair,  or  playing  con- 
tentedly with  toys,  the  elder  boy  was  certain  to  take 
him  up  and  place  him  somewhere  else,  or  to  interrupt 
his  play  and  insist  upon  the  baby's  adapting  himself 
to  his  notion  of  the  right  kind  of  play.  One  day  the 
father,  without  making  his  purpose  known,  began  a 
series  of  similar  operations  upon  the  elder  boy.  At 
first  the  child  took  it  for  play,  and  smiled  a  rather 
reluctant  smile;  but  after  being  taken  away  from  his 
picture-book,  or  top-spinning,  for  half-a-dozen  times, 
the  truth  dawned  upon  him,  and  he  said:  "Why, 
papa,  I  didn't  know  it  felt  like  that;  I  will  not  do  so 
to  brother  again." 

The  idea  of  punishment  which  is  set  forth  by  Mr. 
Spencer  is  that  of  correction,  with  the  purpose  of 
making  the  child  capable  of  self-control;  and  nothing 
is  to  be  done  in  a  spirit  of  revenge  or  anger.  As  the 
child  advances  in  months  and  years  it  requires  the 
exercise  of  ingenuity  and  patient  investigation  to  seek 
out  the  consequences  of  the  wrong  act ;  but  success  is 
almost  certain,  and  by  making  an  ally  of  nature  the 
admonitions  of  the  mother  acquire  great  force.  If  this 
course  were  carried  out  in  the  every-day  life  of  child- 
ren, there  would  be  a  lessening  of  friction  in  the  house- 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  15 

hold  which  would  be  observed  and  appreciated  by  each 
member  of  it.  To  illustrate:  'The  labor  of  putting 
things  in  order  is  the  true  consequence  of  having  put 
them  in  disorder."  Let  us  imagine,  if  possible,  what 
would  be  the  result  if  this  were  acted  upon.  If  the 
children  refuse  to  pick  up  and  put  away  their  play- 
things, when  next  they  wish  to  have  them  tell 
them  soberly  and  with  the  calm  manner  of  one  whose 
words  are  final  that  they  cannot  take  them  because  they 
did  not  pick  them  up.  This  lesson  is  not  likely  to  be 
forgotten,  and  the  value  of  it  is  of  the  kind  that  in- 
creases with  time  and  length  of  days.  "If  education 
be  a  preparation  for  the  business  of  life,  then  every 
child  should  also  from  the  beginning  have  daily  ex- 
perience of  this  fact,  that  the  natural  consequence  of 
putting  things  in  disorder  is  to  put  things  in  order!" 
The  truth  is  emphasized  by  Mr.  Spencer  that  by  this 
method  "the  child  is  early  taught  the  lesson,  which 
cannot  be  learned  too  soon,  that  in  this  world  of  ours 
pleasures  are  rightly  to  be  obtained  only  by  labor." 

"Proper  conduct  in  life  is  much  better  guaranteed 
when  the  good  and  evil  consequences  of  actions  are 
rationally  understood  than  when  they  are  merely  be- 
lieved on  authority.  A  child  who  finds  that  his  want 
of  care  is  followed  by  the  loss  or  breakage  of  some 
much-prized  possession  not  only  experiences  a  keenly- 
felt  consequence,  but  gains  a  knowledge  of  causation." 

This  natural  system  of  discipline  is  upheld  by  Mr. 
Spencer  also  because  it  is  "a  system  of  pure  justice, 
and  will  be  recognized  by  every  child  as  such.  Take 


1 6  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

the  case  of  a  boy  who  is  habitually  careless  of  his 
clothes  and  is  utterly  regardless  of  mud.  If  he  is 
beaten  or  sent  to  bed  he  is  apt  to  regard  himself  as 
ill-used,  and  his  mind  is  more  likely  to  be  occupied  in 
thinking  over  his  injuries  than  in  repenting  his  trans- 
gressions. But  suppose  he  is  required  to  rectify  so  far 
as  he  can  the  harm  he  has  done,  will  he  not  feel  that 
the  evil  is  one  of  his  own  producing  ?  will  he  not,  while 
paying  this  penalty,  be  continuously  conscious  of  the 
connection  between  it  and  its  cause?  and  will  he  not, 
spite  his  irritation,  recognize  more  or  less  clearly  the 
justice  of  the  arrangement?  Any  mother  who  has 
pursued  this  plan  will  say,  I  am  sure,  that  it  is  far 
more  efficacious  than  a  reprimand  or  the  slight  punish- 
ment she  is  likely  to  give,  unless  greatly  angered." 

A  great  gain  in  firmness  is  made  if  a  mother  resolves, 
calmly  and  unvaryingly,  to  carry  out  this  system.  She 
will  be  able  to  guide -and  control  children  much  better 
than  if,  with  no  definite  idea  in  her  mind,  she  acts  often 
simply  in  accordance  with  her  feelings.  There  is  a 
gain  also  in  self-respect  and  in  dignity,  for  there  are 
two  results  of  success ;  and  when  she  has  settled  upon 
a  reasonable  plan  for  administering  justice  to  the 
children  she  will  do  away  entirely  with  the  custom, 
common  in  some  households,  of  "telling  your  father," 
thus  relegating  the  responsibility  and  authority  to  him 
and  diminishing  her  own  power  to  govern.  Possibly 
there  are  mothers  who  never  thought  that  in  doing 
this  they  were  evading  a  duty,  that  of  requiring  obe- 
dience of  their  children,  or  who  pondered  deeply  the 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  17 

effect  upon  character  of  daily  and  cheerful  obedience. 
4The  tempers  both  of  parents  and  children,"  says  Mr. 
Spencer,  "are  much  less  liable  to  be  ruffled  under  this 
system  than  under  the  ordinary  system.  Penalties 
which  are  inflicted  by  impersonal  agency  produce  an 
irritation  that  is  comparatively  slight  and  transient, 
whereas  penalties  which  are  voluntarily  inflicted  by  a 
parent,  and  are  afterwards  remembered  as  caused  by 
him  or  her,  produce  an  irritation  both  greater  and  more 
continued.  A  father  who  punishes  his  boy  for  care- 
lessly or  wilfully  breaking  a  sister's  toy  inflicts  an 
artificial  penalty  on  the  transgresor  and  takes  the 
natural  penalty  on  himself,  his  own  feelings  and  those 
of  the  transgressor  being  alike  needlessly  irritated. 
If  he  simply  required  restitution  to  be  made  he  would 
produce  far  less  heart-burning."  Mr.  Spencer  urges 
that  if  this  course  were  habitually  pursued  the  rela- 
tions between  parent  and  child  would  be  more  intimate 
and  friendly,  and  that  in  order  to  cultivate  a  child's 
moral  nature  occasions  of  personal  resentment  should 
be  avoided ;  and  it  is  to  be  remembered  that  "the 
father's  and  mother's  approbation  or  disapprobation  is 
one  of  the  ordained  agencies  for  guiding  the  child. 
The  moral  reactions  called  forth  from  you  by  your 
child's  actions  you  should  as  much  as  possible  assim- 
ilate to  those  which  you  conceive  would  be  called  forth 
from  a  parent  of  perfect  nature." 

To  be  sparing  of  commands  is  one  of  Mr.  Spencer's 
maxims;  but  if  you  tell  a  child  to  do  or  not  to  do, 
follow  the  injunction  with  a  firm  purpose  to  be  obeyed. 


1 8  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

How  many  mothers  in  their  futile  attempts  at  govern- 
ment remind  a  looker-on  of  the  nursery  rhyme,  when 

"The  King  of  France,  with  forty  thousand  men, 
Marched  up  the  hill,  and  then  marched  down  again," 

so  ill-considered  are  their  commands  and  counter- 
commands.  "Consider  well  beforehand  what  you  are 
going  to  do,  weigh  all  the  consequences,  think  whether 
your  firmness  of  purpose  will  be  sufficient,  and  then, 
if  you  finally  make  the  law  enforce  it  uniformly  at 
whatever  cost.  If  the  consequences  you  tell  your  child 
will  follow  certain  acts  follow  with  uniformity,  he  will 
soon  come  to  respect  your  laws  as  he  does  those  of 
nature."  The  aim  to  be  constantly  borne  in  mind  is, 
that  all  our  discipline  is  "to  produce  a  self-governing 
being,"  so  that  when  the  child  can  no  longer  be  re- 
strained and  guarded  by  father  and  mother  he  will 
be  able  in  some  degree  to  realize  the  ideal  so  dear  to 
all  wise  men,  and  be  governed  by  his  reason.  In  order 
to  cultivate  the  reason  what  better  method  can  be  pur- 
sued than  the  one  thus  imperfectly  sketched  ? 

There  are  other  points  regarding  the  moral  develop- 
ment of  children  where  the  ideas  of  Mr.  Spencer  are 
full  of  comfort,  an  inspiration  to  constant  and  careful 
study,  and  sources  of  encouragement  to  those  mothers 
whose  babies  do  not  seem  to  come  "trailing  clouds  of 
glory,"  as  does  the  typical  boy  of  the  poet,  but  whose 
footsteps  are  followed  by  evidences  of  naughtiness  and 
mischief,  not  very  bad  in  themselves,  but  which  fill  the 
mind  of  the  mother  with  anxious  fears  for  the  future. 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  19 

To  such  a  mother  he  says:  "Do  not  expect  from  a 
child  any  great  amount  of  moral  goodness;  as  the 
child's  features — flat  nose,  forward-opening  nostrils, 
large  lips,  wide-apart  eyes,  and  absent  frontal  sinus, 
etc. — resemble  for  a  time  those  of  a  savage,  so,  too,  do 
his  instincts.  The  popular  idea  that  children  are  inno- 
cent, while  it  may  be  true  in  so  far  as  it  refers  to  evil 
knowledge,  is  false  in  so  far  as  it  refers  to  evil  im- 
pulses, as  half-an-hour's  observation  in  the  nursery 
will  prove  to  any  one." 

"Be  content,"  say  our  philosopher,  "with  moderate 
measures  and  moderate  results.  Constantly  bear  in 
mind  the  fact  that  a  higher  morality,  like  a  higher  in- 
telligence, must  be  reached  by  a  slow  growth,  and  you 
will  be  less  prone  to  that  constant  scolding  and  threat- 
ening and  forbidding  by  which  many  parents  induce 
a  chronic  domestic  irritation,  in  the  foolish  hope  that 
they  will  thus  make  their  children  what  they  should 
be."  It  is  a  new  thought  to  some  mothers  that  morals 
may  grow.  They  do  not  expect  their  children  to  be 
wise  without  knowledge  or  experience,  but  they  do 
expect  them  to  be  good  and  to  exhibit  virtues  that  can 
only  be  gained  from  triumphs  over  temptation.  We 
are  not  to  be  too  deeply  distressed  if  our  children  are 
not  faultless ;  if  they  do  seek  to  evade  the  justice  which 
is  sure  to  overtake  them  after  wrongdoing,  or  if  they 
show  signs  of  a  strong  will  and  plenty  of  temper;  or 
even  if  they  rise  at  times  in  rebellion  at  all  things,  and 
exclaim,  as  a  little  boy  did  a  few  days  ago:  "O  mam- 
ma !  I  wish  God  wasn't  around  everywhere,  seeing 


20  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

everything;"  or  like  the  son  of  a  friend  of  the  writer,  a 
clergyman,  who  said  to  his  mother,  in  a  burst  of  bed- 
time confidence :  "I  will  not  say  my  prayers,  for  I  hate 
the  dear  Lord." 

Even  in  the  case  of  grave  offences  Mr.  Spencer  be- 
lieves that  the  discipline  of  consequences  may  be  re- 
sorted to.  "For  what  are  the  natural  consequences  of 
a  theft?  They  are  of  two  kinds,  the  direct  and  in- 
direct. The  direct  consequence,  as  dictated  by  pure 
equity,  is  that  of  making  restitution.  An  absolutely 
just  ruler  (and  every  parent  should  aim  to  be  one) 
will  demand  that  wherever  it  is  possible  a  wrong  act 
shall  be  undone  by  a  right  one.  The  indirect  and  more 
serious  consequence  is  the  displeasure  of  parents,  and 
this  will  be  most  deeply  felt  by  a  child  who  is  in  sym- 
pathy with  his  parents,  and  who  values  their  good 
opinion  of  him." 

It  is  not  easy  to  govern  a  child  in  accordance  with 
the  suggestions  given  by  Herbert  Spencer ;  it  cannot  be 
attempted  without  a  great  deal  of  thought  and  of  self- 
control,  and  certainly  not  without  the  exercise  of  that 
crowning  virtue,  which  comes  very  late  into  some  of 
our  lives — patience.  It  may  be  that  for  some  there  will 
be  strength  in  the  thought  that  in  thus  applying  high 
principles  to  the  management  of  their  children  they 
are  educating  themselves  as  well.  We  suppose  that,  if 
we  knew  how  to  study  him,  our  baby  might  become  our 
best  text-book. 

To  the  mother  who  is  greatly  wearied  with  the  cease- 
less toil,  the  constant  doing  of  the  same  things  over 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  21 

and  over;  who  sees  her  youth  and  early  womanhood 
fleeing  away,  and  who  feels  that  she  is  not  attaining 
those  mental  heights  to  which  she  looked  so  long  ago 
with  expectation,  one  thought  of  Mr.  Spencer's  will  be 
like  a  breeze  from  those  very  hills:  "It  is  a  truth  yet 
remaining  to  be  recognized  that  the  last  stage  in  the 
mental  development  of  each  man  and  woman  is  to  be 
reached  only  through  the  proper  discharge  of  the 
parental  duties,  and  when  this  truth  is  recognized  it 
will  be  seen  how  admirable  is  the  ordination  in  virtue 
of  which  human  beings  are  led  by  their  strongest  affec- 
tions to  subject  themselves  to  a  discipline  which  they 
would  else  elude." 

A  fair-haired,  blue-eyed  baby-boy  sat  on  the  floor 
the  other  day  playing  with  a  doll.  A  child  of  four 
years  old  was  paying  a  call  with  his  mamma  to  the 
mother  of  the  baby,  who,  not  knowing  the  child's 
name,  and  seeing  nothing  in  its  dress  to  indicate  sex, 
pulled  his  mother's  sleeve,  and  said  in  a  loud  whisper : 
"Mamma,  what's  that  going  to  be  when  it  grows  up  ?" 

This  pertinent  question  will  be  kept  in  mind  hourly 
by  the  woman  who  studies  the  "Education"  of  Herbert 
Spencer,  and  the  answer  to  the  question  ought  to  be 
this :  "A  self-governing  being" — a  being  capable  of 
self-control. 


22  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 


JUSTICE    IN   THE   HOME. 

One  incident  of  my  childish  days  is  indelibly  im- 
printed on  my  mind.  Without  effort  does  memory 
bring  before  my  mental  vision  a  vivid  picture  of  a 
pleasant  dining-room,  with  its  doors  and  windows  open 
wide  to  let  in  the  tropical  light  and  air.  As  the  family 
are  gathered  at  the  table,  the  Chinese  cook  appears, 
wrathful,  holding  aloft  a  dripping  cork. 

"What  is  the  matter,  Acho?"  inquires  the  mistress. 

"This  cork — I  fin'  him  stuffee  down  my  sink-spout ! 
Makee  him  runnee  over!  No  use!  Missee  Lucy,  he 
do  it!" 

And  he  points  a  menacing  finger  at  my  four-year- 
old  self.  It  is  a  very  innocent  little  self  that  looks 
up  in  astonishment  at  this  unexpected  and  undeserved 
accusation. 

"Why,  no,  Acho,"  I  exclaim,  "I  didn't  do  it,  truly!" 

I  am  not  an  untruthful  child,  yet  on  the  cook's  accu- 
sation, unsupported  by  any  evidence,  I  am  summarily 
sentenced  to  a  dark  closet,  a  dinner  of  bread  and  water, 
and  a  whipping — first,  because  I  had  "been  in  mis- 
chief," and  then  because  I  had  denied  it. 

Every  time  that  memory  has  conjured  up  this 
vision,  in  the  years  that  have  passed  since  it  was  a 
present  reality,  my  heart  has  been  stirred  with  a  great 
pity  for  that  unjustly  treated  little  self,  and  a  burning 
indignation  on  her  behalf.  It  was  a  comfort  to  me 
then,  and  has  been  ever  since,  to  remember  that  it 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  23 

was  not  the  dear  one  who  held  a  mother's  place  toward 
me  who  had  thus  abused  me,  but  a  temporary  substi- 
tute. I  say  "abused"  me.  The  good  woman  would 
have  started  back  in  horror  at  the  harsh  term.  Yet 
the  worst  form  of  abuse  that  one  can  give  a  child  is 
to  withhold  from  him  a  justice  afs  perfect  as  human 
liability  to  error  makes  possible.  \  Certainj^JfiLjihst-Su 
child  is  peculiarly  quick  to  recognize  and  to  resent 
injustice.  And  with  equal  certainty  he  will  be  morally 
injured  by  it.  j  There  is  the  evil  of  it ;  the  present  harm 
done  is  seldom  serious,  but  a  little  injustice  may  be 
one  of  the  hinges  upon  which  the  door  of  the  child's 
life  will  open  out  into  a  perverted  path.  Those  who 
stand  over  children — parents,  guardians,  teachers — 
cannot  be  too  careful  on  this  point.  Better  pass  by 
nine  transgressions  unpunished  than  punish  unjustly 
once.  That  once  may  so  shake  the  child's  confidence 
in  you  that  it  never  will  recover  its  equilibrium.  At 
best  it  will  leave  a  sore  spot  which  even  time  will 
hardly  heal. 

Sometimes,  indeed,  since  "to  err  is  human,"  there 
may  be  an  involuntary  injustice.  If  this  is  apologized 
for  as  soon  as  discovered,  it  may  be  made  a  bond  of 
closer  union  between  parent  and  child.  Do  not  grudge 
the  frank  apology  when  it  is  due.  Offer  it  even  more 
promptly  to  the  child  than  you  would  in  like  case  to 
your  equal  in  years.  Your  dignity  will  not  suffer  in 
his  eyes;  rather  will  his  respect  for  you  be  enhanced, 
and  the  courteous  justice  which  you  show  to  him  will 
surely  engender  the  like  in  him. 


24  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

One  more  incident  may  illustrate  another  branch  of 
this  wide  and  important  subject.  In  a  family  of  which 
I  know  there  are  two  children,  a  boy  of  ten  and  a  girl 
some  years  younger.  The  girl  rules  her  brother  like 
a  small  despot,  in  which  she  is  supported  by  her  par- 
ents as  her  prime  ministers.  "/  want  that,  Tom,"  is 
the  announcement  whenever  her  brother  has  a  new 
treasure.  It  is  invariably  emphasized  by  the  parental 
edict,  "Let  Totty  have  it,  Tom."  One  instance  may 
serve  as  a  sample  of  the  many :  It  was  the  chief  ambi- 
tion of  the  boys  in  Tom's  set  to  own  bladder  footballs. 
Tom  had  become  possessed  of  a  particularly  fine  one. 
With  infinite  pains  he  had  rubbed  it,  and  filled  it,  and 
tied  it,  and  dried  it.  At  last  it  was  finished,  and  the 
boy  regarded  it  with  fond  pride.  But  alas !  "Totty" 
spied  it.  "I  want  that,  Tom."  The  usually  yielding 
boy  rebelled,  but  promptly  came  the  word,  "Let  Totty 
have  it,  Tom !"  With  an  agony  as  real  as  a  man  could 
feel  over  the  loss  of  his  earthly  all,  and  far  more 
pathetic,  the  boy  relinquished  his  treasure,  begging  the 
child  to  "be  careful  of  it."  She  tossed  it  about  till  she 
was  weary  of  the  sport,  and  then  deliberately  took  up 
a  sharp  stone  and  hacked  and  crushed  the  ball  to  a 
shapeless  mass.  Childish  malevolence  could  go  no 
farther.  Of  the  poor  boy's  heartache  our  own  hearts 
ache  to  think. 

Yet  far  more  than  the  child  are  those  parents  to 
blame.  That  one  is  utterly  wrong,  as  a  parent,  who 
will  allow,  much  less  foster,  such  selfishness  and  in- 
justice. (  Justice  toward  all  the  children  alike,  and  from 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  25 

each  child  toward  every  other  one,  should  be  practiced 
and  enforced  by  the  parents.  J  "What's  mine  is  my 
own;  my  brother  Juan's  is  his  and  mine,"  says  the 
Spanish  proverb.  It  is  the  principle  on  which  many 
a  child  is  allowed  to  base  his  conduct,  to  the  inevitable 
weakening  of  the  fraternal  tie  which  should  be  felt  in 
early  years,  only  to  strengthen  with  maturity.  The 
doctrine  of  mine  and  thine  should  be  taught  early.  It 
need  not  shut  out,  by  any  means,  the  teaching  of  a 
generous  consideration  for  others.  No  tyranny  should 
be  tolerated,  whether  it  be  the  despotism  of  the  elder  or 
the  younger,  the  weaker  or  the  stronger,  the  boy  or 
the  girl.  A  scrupulous  respect  for  the  rights  of  others 
should  be  inculcated,  and  a  proper  defence  of  one's  own 
rights  allowed.  It  is  the  only  way  to  train  up  law- 
abiding  citizens,  and  high-minded  men  and  women. 
For  mercy  all  may  hope,  but  to  justice  all  have  in- 
alienable claim,  and  all  should  be  taught  to  render  it 
to  others  in  their  turn. 


UNTRUTHFUL    CHILDREN. 

"What  I  prize  so  highly  in  my  little  daughter,"  said 
a  mother  to  me  of  her  four-year-old  child,  "is  her  strict 
truthfulness.  She  has  never,  so  far  as  I  have  been  able 
to  discover,  told  me  anything  but  what  was  strictly 
true." 

Truth  is  beautiful  always,  and  never  more  so  than 


26  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

when  childish  lips  utter  it.  But  all  parents  cannot 
rejoice,  as  could  this  one,  in  the  strict  truthfulness  of 
their  little  ones.  Sorry  as  we  may  be  to  admit  it,  we 
all  know  that  there  are  little  children  who  tell  false- 
hoods, and  that  some  of  them  are  notorious  for  this 
propensity  even  at  a  very  tender  age.  Many  a  parent 
grieves  deeply  over  this  failing  in  a  little  one,  and  won- 
ders in  despair  what  can  be  done  to  make  the  child 
more  truthful. 

Some  of  the  methods  employed  to  correct  the  fault 
are  worse  than  the  fault  itself,  especially  so  since  it 
is  the  parent  who  employs  them,  the  one  who  ought 
to  understand  the  child's  nature  and  be  able  to  adopt 
kind  and  intelligent  treatment  suited  to  its  wants.  In- 
stead of  seeking  the  cause  of  untruth,  the  first  effort  is 
to  impress  upon  the  child's  mind  the  enormity  of  a  lie 
and  its  direful  consequence — something  entirely  be- 
yond the  child's  comprehension;  then  it  is  made  to 
understand  that  severe  penalty  must  and  will  be  meted 
out  for  such  offences.  It  was  not  uncommon,  when 
the  writer  was  a  child,  for  parents,  after  inflicting 
punishment,  to  tell  their  children,  with  all  the  sem- 
blance of  truth  and  earnestness  that  if  they  (the  chil- 
dren) continued  to  tell  lies  the  "black  man"  would 
surely  get  them — a  fabrication  which  has  caused  many 
a  little  heart  to  palpitate  with  terror. 
/  Of  course  children  should  be  taught  that  it  is  wrong 
I  to  lie,  taught  to  speak  the  truth  and  to  act  the  truth, 
I  but  irrational  and  false  teaching  will  not  convince  them 
\>f  the  one  or  incline  them  to  the  other;  for  they  are 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  27 

close  observers,  and  they  will  soon  detect  the  deception 
and   injustice  of  such  teaching,   and  its   effect  upon 
them,  if  continued,  will  be  potent  in  developing  the/ 
very  traits  which  the  parent  would  suppress. 

In  dealing  with  an  untruthful  child  the  cause  or 
motive  for  falsehood  should  first  be  ascertained,  if 
possible.  A  careful  study  of  the  disposition  and  char- 
acteristics of  the  child  will,  in  most  cases,  disclose  this. 
It  should  be  remembered  always  that  a  child's  mind  is 
immature;  that  its  understanding  and  interpretation 
of  things  may  be  very  incorrect,  and  its  statements 
concerning  them  correspondingly  so,  yet  intentionally 
true.  To  punish  a  child  for  lying  under  such  condi- 
tions is  a  sad  and  cruel  mistake. 

A  timid,  nervous  child,  truthful  in  other  things,  may 
lie  to  hide  an  offence,  hoping  thereby  to  escape  a 
dreaded  punishment.  When  we  understand  that  the 
usual  punishments  are  agonizing  to  its  sensitive, 
shrinking  nature,  we  cannot  wonder  that  it  makes 
use  of  its  only  hope  of  escape.  Let  the  parents  of 
such  children  consider  that  their  own  moral  courage 
might  not  be  sufficient  to  keep  them  always  on  the 
grounds  of  strict  truthfulness,  were  penalties  equally 
severe  for  them  impending  which  they  could  escape 
through  the  agency  of  untruth.  It  is  painfully  true 
that  parents,  through  inflexible  sternness  and  undue 
severity,  often  cause  their  children  to  lie;  not  only  the 
above  mentioned  class,  but  those  far  more  dauntless. 
/Discipline  is  necessary  in  bringing  up  a  child,  but  not  / 
(  such  as  will  cause  him  to  stand  in  awe  of  the  parent, ! 


28  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

afraid  to  confess  all  that  he  has  clone  in  a  moment 
of  disobedience  or  forgetfulness. 

A  child  may  learn  to  lie  from  associates  just  as  it 
would  learn  to  use  obscene  or  profane  language.  The 
choice  of  playmate  is,  therefore,  of  gravest  consider- 
ation, ^and  parents  cannot  be  too  watchful  in  this  direc- 
tion, i  Children  are  such  ready  imitators,  so  quick  to 
follow  the  examples  of  their  associates,  that,  before 
one  suspects  danger,  contamination  may  begin.)  It  is 
well  for  the  mother  to  join  her  children  and  their 
playmates  often  in  their  sport.  When  she  cannot 
spend  the  time  in  actual  play  with  them,  let  them  play 
near  her,  where  she  can  have  an  eye  and  ear  open  to 
all  that  is  said  and  done.  Even  this  precaution  will 
not  insure  perfect  safety,  for  she  cannot  possibly  be 
with  them  at  all  times,  and  there  are  children  of  shock- 
ing habits  who  can  be  very  discreet  in  the  presence  of 
their  elders.  A  knowledge  of  the  child's  home  life,  of 
the  teachings  and  influences  that  it  is  subject  to  there, 
will  aid  the  mother  in  determining  if  it  is  a  suitable 
playmate  for  her  own  child. 

Some  children  lie  almost  unconsciously.  A  strong 
imagination  dominates  them,  filling  their  minds  with 
such  vivid  creations  that  they  do  not  readly  distinguish 
between  the  real  and  the  imaginary.  Everything 
which  would  stimulate  or  excite  the  imagination  should 
be  withheld  from  such  children,  and  patience  and  for- 
bearance exercised  in  teaching  them  to  discriminate 
between  fancies  and  real  things,  until  the  development 
of  other  faculties  checks  the  too  active  imagination  and 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  29 

brings  it  in  time  under  the  control  of  truth  and  reason. 
Vanity,  selfishness,  egotism,  or  some  other  marked 
characteristic  may  furnish  the  motive  for  falsehood. 
A  vain  child  may  lie  to  gratify  its  pride,  a  selfish  one 
to  secure  the  best  of  things  for  itself,  an  egotistical  one 
to  make  its  own  acts  appear  greater  than  those  of 
others.  Whatever  the  characteristic,  it  should  be  care- 
fully restrained  and  discipline  maintained  which  will 
tend  to  symmetrical  development. 

Last  of  the  causes  of  untruthfulness  to  be  mentioned 
here,  and  the  most  difficult  with  which  to  deal,  is  that 
of  heredity.  If  the  trait  is  transmitted  directly  from 
parent  to  child,  in  addition  to  the  natural  tendency  will 
probably  be  the  example  of  the  parent,  with  its  per- 
nicious influence.  Where  both  parents  are  afflicted 
with  this  moral  taint,  the  case  appears  hopeless  indeed. 
In  the  case  of  one  truthful  parent,  the  best  that  he  or 
she  can  do  is  to  bring  to  bear  unceasingly  and  persist- 
ently the  most  powerful  influences  for  truth  and  up- 
rightness. 

The  cause  of  falsehood  having  been  ascertained,  the 
admonition,  reproof,  or  punishment  suited  to  the  de- 
gree of  the  offence  and  the  disposition  of  the  child  must 
be  determined.  And  here  there  is  fine  opportunity  as 
well  as  great  necessity  for  tact  and  discrimination  on 
the  part  of  the  parent.  Discipline  effective  with  one 
child  may  fail  entirely  with  another  child  of  the  same 
parents;  not  only  may  it  fail,  but  it  may  be  the  most 
hurtful  treatment  that  could  be  given.  Yet  there  are 
parents  who  mete  out  to  each  child  like  punishment 


30  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

for  like  offence,  then  attribute  the  failure  of  discipline 
to  the  great  depravity  of  the  child.  To  be  able  to 
discriminate  nicely  and  suit  the  treatment  to  the  ex- 
igencies of  the  case  is  a  most  fortunate  thing  for  the 
parent  as  well  as  the  child.  However  flagrant  the  of- 
fence, the  child  should  be  dealt  with  truthfully  and 
kindly.  Other  treatment  is  unjust  and  subversive  of 
the  end  sought.  To  attempt  to  make  a  child  truthful 
by  telling  it  things  which  are  untrue  would  seem  so 
absurd  and  unreasonable  as  to  need  no  comment,  were 
it  not  so  often  demonstrated  that  parents  do  resort  to 
falsehoods  to  frighten  their  children  into  telling  the 
truth.  "White  lies"  they  call  them,  and  think — if  a 
second  thought  is  given — that  they  will  do  no  harm. 
But  the  child  is  deceived;  it  discovers  it  in  time  and 
learns  to  suspect  and  distrust,  and  ultimately  to  practise 
deceptions  of  various  kinds.  The  effects  of  "white 
lies"  are  so  plainly  and  positively  bad  that  it  is  hard 
to  understand  how  any  parent  who  desires  the  purity 
of  truth  in  a  child  can  resort  to  such  doubtful  and 
dangerous  measures.  /  Example  is  more  powerful  than 
precept  with  little  ones,  and  parents  must  be  truthful 
themselves,  both  in  word  and  act,  if  they  would  have 
their  children  so.  / 

Stern  and  severe  treatment  is  hurtful  and  unneces- 
sary. Firm  and  gentle  discipline  is  safe  with  every 
(  child,  and  it  will  lead  the  little  feet  into  higher  and 
happier  ways  than  can  possibly  be  reached  by  other 
means.  Corrections  made  in  kindness  and  consider- 
ation have  a  very  different  effect  from  those  made  in 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  31 

stormy  haste,  as  often  to  satisfy  the  anger  of  the  parent 
as  to  benefit  the  child.  Children  feel  keenly  the  wrong 
of  such  treatment.  Resenting  it  in  spirit,  they  submit 
to  it  while  they  must,  and  when  old  enough  they  defy 
it  openly  and  are  considered  wilful,  impudent,  dis- 
obedient, ungovernable ;  correctly  so,  doubtless,  for  the 
parent  has  made  them  what  they  are.  The  treatment 
has  produced  legitimate  results.  It  is  strange  that 
parents  will  employ  discipline  that  robs  their  little 
ones  of  a  happy  childhood,  injures  or  ruins  their  dis- 
positions, and  ofttimes  embitters  their  whole  lives. 

Many  of  the  falsehoods  which  children  tell  may  be 
traced  directly  to  stern  and  severe  discipline.  An  inci- 
dent whch  came  under  the  writer's  observation  will 
serve  as  an  illustration  in  one  instance. 

In  a  family  where  the  mother  was  a  great  scold  and 
a  practical  advocate  of  "spare  the  rod  and  spoil  the 
child,"  a  little  daughter,  just  old  enough  to  assist  with 
the  dishwashing,  accidentally  dropped  and  broke  a 
glass  tumbler.  Being  in  the  pantry  alone  at  the  time 
of  the  accident,  and  dreading  the  storm  which  would 
burst  upon  her  when  her  mother  discovered  it,  she 
climbed  quickly  up  to  a  high  shelf  and  dropped  the 
broken  dish  into  a  pitcher  there  which  was  used  only 
on  rare  occasions.  Time,  however,  brought  the  hidden 
tumbler  to  light,  and  the  little  girl  to  strict  account, 
along  with  a  brother  and  sister  a  few  years  older  than 
herself.  Each  child  denying  any  knowledge  of  the 
accident,  and  threats  and  scolding  failing  to  bring  a 
confession,  a  number  of  rods  were  brought  in,  the 


32  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

children  placed  in  line,  the  eldest  at  the  head,  the  little 
tumbler-breaker  at  the  foot,  and  informed  by  the 
mother  that  they  would  be  whipped  by  turns  until  the 
one  who  broke  the  dish  confessed  it.  The  elder  chil- 
dren took  their  places  in  the  center  of  the  room  accord- 
ing to  their  respective  turns,  and  submitted  to  a  hard 
whipping,  crying  piteously  and  protesting  truthfully 
their  innocence.  The  youngest  took  her  whipping  in 
the  same  manner,  still  declaring  stoutly  that  she  knew 
nothing  about  the  broken  dish.  When  the  eldest  was 
called  out  again  and  the  rod  uplifted,  pity  broke  the 
stubborn  resolution  of  the  little  one  and  she  sobbed 
out:  "Don't  whip  her  any  more;  I  broke  it."  The 
brother  and  sister  were  released  from  further  punish- 
ment, but  the  little  offender  received  a  double  portion. 
If  that  mother  had  been  less  severe  she  would  have 
known  of  the  accident  at  once.  The  child  would  not 
have  thought  of  hiding  the  dish,  much  less  of  lying 
about  it,  nor  would  two  innocent  children  have  been 
severely  punished  for  something  about  which  they 
knew  nothing.  Where  a  child  is  afraid  to  tell  its 
parent  of  any  accident,  trivial  or  great,  the  discipline 
is  essentially  wrong  and  detrimental.  Some  may  at- 
tribute such  treatment  as  has  been  cited  to  the  low  and 
ignorant  alone.  If  it  were  so  it  would  be  less  de- 
plorable. In  the  instance  given,  the  mother  was  well 
educated,  of  more  than  ordinary  intelligence,  exem- 
plary in  many  ways,  and  careful  and  watchful  of  her 
children's  habits.  She  either  failed  to  see  that  her  own 
severity  caused  her  child  to  lie,  or  made  a  serious  mis- 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  33 

take  in  thinking  that  a  little  child's  moral  courage 
should  be  strong  enough  to  enable  it  to  resist  tempta- 
tion and  to  bear  great  bodily  pain  for  the  sake  of  truth. 
The  most  careful,  earnest,  and  discriminating 
parents  will  err  sometimes,  but,  for  the  good  of  the 
little  ones,  let  it  be  in  kindness  rather  than  cruelty. 
Let  it  be  remembered,  too,  that  childhood  and  youth 
will  merge  into  manhood  or  womanhood  bearing  the 
lasting  impress  of  early  treatment,  and  marred  or  em- 
bellished by  it.  It  is  the  duty  of  the  parent  to  make  the 
child  happy,  as  happiness  is  the  one  condition  favorable 
to  the  highest  and  noblest  development  of  child-life. 
No  fault  or  peculiarity  of  the  child  should  cause  the 
parent  to  forget  this  duty  or  to  employ  discipline  which 
is  not  conducive  to  this  end. 


CONSISTENCY   IN   GOVERNMENT. 

If  ever  consistency  is  a  jewel  it  is  when  adorning 
a  mother's  crown.  Few  of  us,  until  we  enter  this  new 
life  of  motherhood,  realize  the  sublime  difficulty  of 
being  like  our  Great  Example,  "The  same  yesterday, 
to-day  and  forever/'  And  yet  who  can  measure  the 
effect  of  this  firm,  consistent  government  upon  the 
characters  of  our  little  ones?/  What  can  a  mother 
who  has  no  control  over  her  own  moods  and  temper 
expect  but  a  very  imperfect  and  fitful  obedience  from 
her  children?  ) 

Two-year-old  Johnnie  feels  the  sting  of  injustice 


34  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

as  well  as  an  older  child  when  mamma  scolds  or  whips 
him  to-day  for  the  very  thing  that  yesterday  or  to- 
morrow would  not  be  noticed,  because  her  mood  is 
different.  His  mamma  has  told  him,  perhaps,  that 
he  must  not  run  outside  the  gate,  and  has  punished  him 
repeatedly  for  doing  so.  Then  she  announces  in  his 
hearing  that  it  is  of  no  use  to  punish  that  child ;  he 
will  run  away  and  she  can't  do  anything  with  him. 
Liberty  for  Johnnie  for  several  days  without  protest. 
Then  comes  an  unexpected  trouncing  when  mamma's 
nerves  are  unstrung,  or  the  disobedience  brings  about 
some  specially  trying  result.  Or  little  Alice  may  be 
distinctly  told  that  if  she  cannot  eat  her  meals  without 
whining  or  teasing  for  forbidden  articles  she  is  to 
leave  the  table  at  once.  She  leaves  until  mamma  tires 
of  the  tears  and  the  disorder,  when  very  possibly  she 
was  just  on  the  eve  of  success.  Then  indulgence  is 
tried  for  a  while.  "There!  Take  the  pickle  and  hush 
your  crying.  Anything  to  stop  that  noise."  Hence- 
forward "that  noise"  is  unfailingly  resorted  to  as  the 
surest  road  to  victory.  Then  suddenly  a  pent-up  chas- 
tisement breaks  loose,  and  nearly  takes  the  child's 
breath  away. 

These  are  only  examples,  but  they  teach  the  chil- 
dren just  this :  If  mamma  is  in  the  right  mood  they 
can  have  and  do  about  what  they  like;  and  sometimes 
the  poor  little  things  guess  wrong. 

In  an  article  on  "Home  Government"  Edward  Ever- 
ett Hale  writes :  "A  good  rule  for  family  education  is 
this:  If  you  grant,  grant  cheerfully;  if  you  refuse, 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  35 

refuse  finally.  This  means  that  your  children  are  to 
understand  that  you  have  not  given  your  directions 
thoughtlessly,  and  that  importunity,  or  what  they 
would  call  'teasing,'  is  not  going  to  change  the  de- 
cision. As  you  watch  the  children  on  a  hotel  piazza 
in  summer,  in  their  intercourse  with  their  mothers,  you 
can  tell  in  a  minute  whether  the  mothers  live  by  this 
rule  or  do  not.  One  set  of  children  will  expect  to 
carry  their  points  by  making  fuss  enough  about  them, 
while  the  other  set  will  accept  the  inevitable  at  once, 
and  make  their  arrangements  accordingly.  The  latter 
set,  it  may  be  said  in  passing,  are  not  only  the  better 
children  of  the  two,  but  they  are,  in  fact,  the  happier; 
they  get  a  great  deal  more  out  of  life." 

I  believe  that  punishment  of  an  offense  should  have 
but  one  aim  and  object,  and  that  is  to  prevent  a  similar 
offense  occurring  again.  And  if  all  parents,  before 
they  raised  their  hand  or  their  voice  in  rebuke,  would 
stop  a  moment  and  think  what  would  be  the  wisest 
way  to  send  that  lesson  home  to  the  child's  heart,  there 
would  be  fewer  ungovernable  children  in  our  land. 
There  are  parents  who  do  this ;  the  behavior  of  their 
children  testifies  for  them.  Such  parents  do  not  scold. 

I  admire  the  mother  whose  voice  is  always  lowered 
instead  of  raised  when  a  disturbance  arises.  A  child 
quickly  learns  to  govern  itself  accordingly,  and  will 
check  its  storm  of  wrath  to  catch  the  quiet  words  which 
are  sure  to  be  few  and  guarded.  But  where  there  are 
two  who  are  willing  to  hold  themselves  in  check  for 
the  good  of  their  child,  there  are  ten  who  will  make 


36  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD  TRAINING. 

use  of  whatever  punishment  affords  greatest  relief  to 
their  own  feelings  for  the  time  being.  As  I  heard  a 
a  young  mother  exclaim  not  long  ago,  "There!  If 
that  whipping  didn't  do  you  any  good,  it  did  me — so !" 

We  do  not  all  give  our  children  credit  for  the  far- 
sightedness they  really  possess.  A  very  small  child 
knows  by  the  simple  look  in  a  mother's  eye  whether 
she  means  exactly  what  she  says  or  not.  The  look 
and  the  words  of  an  ungoverned  temper  will  fill  the 
little  soul  with  either  fury  or  fear;  while  he  will  take 
instant  advantage  of  the  yielding  look  which  says: 
"Oh,  dear,  I  suppose  you  will  have  your  own  way 
whatever  I  do."  Another  look  is  hailed  with  triumph 
by  the  youthful  offender.  It  is  the  look  of  unwise  ad- 
miration which  says:  "That  is  very  naughty  of  you, 
but  you  do  look  too  'cute  for  anything." 

If  any  mother  would  see  herself  as  others  see  her, 
in  the  government  of  her  children,  let  her  watch  her 
little  girl  while  governing  her  doll.  If  the  child  scolds 
and  shakes  and  spanks  and  uses  abusive  words,  let 
the  mother,  for  the  cause,  "inquire  within."  I  heard 
a  little  three-year  old,  not  knowing  she  was  listened 
to,  say  to  her  doll :  "Dear,  Mamma  must  punish  you. 
You  have  said  naughty  words  and  must  have  some 
soap  on  your  tongue.  And  when  your  hands  do 
naughty  things  Mamma  must  tie  them.  But  Mamma 
loves  you  just  the  same.  She  has  to  punish  you  to 
make  you  good."  I  thought  the  mother  of  that  child 
might  well  rejoice  that  her  little  daughter  had  so  early 
learned  the  lesson  of  trust  and  obedience. 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  37 

It  is  not  easy,  in  all  cases,  to  know  just  the  best/ 
thing  to  do ;  but  in  puzzling  over  the  best  way  to  control! 
our  little  ones,  do  not  let  us  forget  that  our  own  wills! 
and  tempers  and  tongues  must  first  be  controlled,  if! 
we  would  be  really  consistent  fathers  and  mothers. 


JTHE  INJUSTICE  OF  HASTE. 

Two  incidents  in  my  experience  as  a  mother  often 
make  me  sorrowful  yet,  although  the  second  occur- 
rence is  now  three  years  away. 

My  first  little  girl  was  to  be  obedient.  On  this  I 
was  determined,  and  I  conscientiously  labored  to  that 
end.  When  she  was  just  three,  a  friend  visited  me  to 
whom  she  took  a  great  dislike,  on  account  of  her  teas- 
ing and  chaffing.  It  was  hard  to  keep  things  smooth 
and  to  make  the  offended  little  one  seem  as  agreeable 
as  I  wished  her  to  appear,  and  one  night  came  a 
climax.  She  sat  upon  the  floor  looking  at  a  book. 
When  she  put  it  down  my  friend  said:  "Let  me  see 
your  book."  Instantly  my  child  said :  "I  don't  know 
where  it  is."  I  was  shocked  at  a  supposed  falsehood 
and  said :  "Let  Alice  take  your  book  at  once."  My 
baby  looked  up  and  said :  "I  can't  give  it  to  her  when 
I  don't  know  where  it  is."  I  felt  that  the  time  for 
firmness  had  arrived.  I  said :  "If  you  do  not  get  up 
and  do  as  I  tell  you  I  shall  punish  you.  You  have  told 
a  naughty  story."  WTith  tears  and  protestations  my 
little  girl  arose,  looked  under  the  furniture  and  every- 


38  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

where  but  at  the  book  lying  plainly  on  the  floor,  and 
declared  she  could  not  see  it.  So  I  punished  her 
sharply — not  with  unnecessary  severity;  this  I  never 
did.  Still  she  said  she  could  not  find  it  and  I  pun- 
ished her  a  second  time.  Sobbing,  she  put  her  arms 
around  my  neck  and  said:  "May  I  see  if  it's  on  the 
shelf,  mamma?  I  guess  you  put  it  on  the  shelf,  and 
I  truly  want  to  mind."  "Put  what  on  the  shelf?" 
I  asked.  "Why,  the  hook,  mamma."  Now  here  was 
the  misunderstanding.  She  had  just  before  been  play- 
ing with  a  fancy  button  hook,  which  I  took  from  her, 
and  when  I  said :  "It  was  the  book  Alice  asked  for," 
she  cried,  "Why,  mamma,  here's  the  book.  I  didn't 
know  you  said  book."  My  friend  cried,  and  so  did 
I  when  the  innocent,  flushed  child  handed  her  the  book 
willingly. 

The  other  circumstance  was  as  follows :  My  hus- 
band was  getting  the  carriage  to  take  friends  to  the 
station  when  we  discovered  that  the  time  of  train  de- 
parture was  ten  minutes  earlier  than  we  had  supposed. 
I  told  my  little  girl  to  hurry  to  the  barn  and  tell  her 
papa.  As  she  did  not  promptly  return  I  went  to  the 
barn,  found  she  had  not  been  there,  and,  searching, 
found  her  three  houses  away,  down  the  street,  where 
she  had  been  repeatedly  told  not  to  go  on  account  of 
a  dangerous  dog.  Bringing  her  in  I  told  her  she  must 
stay  at  home  for  a  punishment,  instead  of  riding  to  the 
station  as  she  had  expected.  Her  screams  of  disap- 
pointment did  not  move  me.  Too  late  I  learned  that 
I  myself  was  in  fault.  When  she  was  calm  she  said : 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  39 

"What  made  you  send  me  there,  then,  if  it  was 
naughty  ?"  And  on  inquiry  I  found  she  had  mistaken 
my  direction  and  gone  to  a  barn  down  the  street  where 
the  carriage  had  been  kept  several  months  before. 
Unadvised  of  the  change  she  had  flown  to  do  my  bid- 
ding— as  she  supposed. 

These  things  may  seem  trivial,  but  they  cost  me 
real  agony.  And  I  have  talked  them  over  with  my 
child,  now  nearly  seven,  who  generously  said :  "Why, 
mamma,  we  were  not  either  of  us  to  blame."  Yet,  I 
well  know  that  I  was,  for  too  great  haste  in  punishing 
for  a  supposed  fault.  I  am  more  careful  now,  and  my 
second  little  girl  has  the  benefit  of  it.  I  have  never 
been  a  severe  mother;  I  believe  I  have  been  judicious 
in  the  main,  but  I  have  had  to  learn  that  authority 
needs  to  take  care  lest  it  become  injustice  or  tyranny. 


A  FIRM  FATHER  AND  A  TENDER-HEART- 
ED   MOTHER. 

/Where  the  discipline  of  a  child  is  concerned  there 
are  very  apt  to  be  conflicting  opinions  between  the 
father  and  mother,  which  often  lead  the  one  to  inter- 
fere with  a  method  of  punishment  which  is  being  car- 
ried out  by  the  other,  j  This  should  never  be  done  in  the 
presence  of  the  child,  who  will  quickly  appreciate  the 
situation  and  take  advantage  of  it,  for  our  children 
are  often  wiser  than  we  realize.  For  instance,  we  de- 
cided that  our  little  boy  should  have  his  ringers  snapped 


\ 


40  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

as  a  reminder  of  the  determination  to  break  up  the 
habit  of  sucking  his  thumb ;  and  whenever  his  father 
and  I  were  in  the  room  with  him,  and  the  little  fellow 
would  forget  himself,  he  would  bravely  come  up  to 
me,  and,  holding  up  his  wet  little  thumb,  he  would  ask 
me  to  "please  snap  it."  I  was  much  touched  by  his 
honesty  until  I  found  that  his  father  snapped  very 
much  harder  than  I  did,  and,  rather  than  risk  discovery 
from  his  watchful  eyes,  the  culprit  would  turn  "state's 
evidence"  and  plead  guilty. 

This  same  firm  father  is  a  much  better  disciplinarian 
than  the  tender-hearted,  yielding  mother,  and  most  of 
the  discipline  falls  to  his  lot.  He  always  explains 
quietly  afterward  to  our  boy  why  the  punishment  was 
inflicted,  and  never  lets  him  go  away  angry  or  until  he 
realizes  that  true  love  prompted  the  seeming  harshness. 

Once  when  this  father  was  chastising  the  naughty 
boy  I  ran  up  and  begged  that  he  might  not  be  pun- 
ished any  more.  To  the  surprise  of  both  of  us,  the 
brave  little  three-year-old  checked  his  sobs,  and,  look- 
ing up  with  the  big  tears  in  his  eyes,  he  cried  out: 
"You  go  away,  mamma,  and  let  us  alone.  Papa  will 
look  after  me !"  I  confess  that  I  meekly  stole  away, 
resolving  that  I  would  never  again  be  guilty  of  inter- 
fering with  the  edict  of  justice,  however  severe.  The 
little  sinner  knew  that  he  would  not  be  punished  a  bit 
more  than  he  deserved,  and  that  it  was  all  done  for 
his  good,  hard  as  it  might  be. 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  41 


A   DILEMMA. 

My  little  grandson,  nearly  four  years  of  age,  has  al- 
ways been  difficult  to  manage,  and  yet  I  may  say  that 
he  is  one  of  the  most  affectionate  children  I  have  ever 
seen.  He  shows  an  almost  passionate  love  for  his 
mother  and  grandma,  and  dozens  of  times  a  day  he  will 
stop  us  for  a  kiss,  "only  one  kiss,"  which  generally  de- 
velops into  a  good  many,  accompanied  by  the  fervid 
declaration :  "I  have  the  dearest  mamma  (or  grand- 
ma) in  the  world."  In  this  affection  his  baby  sister 
shares,  but  only  as  long  as  she  is  as  good  as,  accord- 
ing to  his  standard  of  ethics,  she  ought  to  be.  By 
some  inexplicable  process  of  reasoning,  he  has  of  late 
come  to  the  conclusion  that  for  her  to  cry  unless  she 
is  ill,  is  the  one  unpardonable  sin  which  must  be  pun- 
ished. He  has  himself  always  accepted  punishment 
for  his  own  transgressions  in  the  spirit  of  a  stoic,  look- 
ing upon  it  as  the  natural  consequence  of  sin.  More 
than  once  he  has  come  up  to  his  papa  or  mamma  with 
some  such  remark  as:  "Papa,  dear,  I  was  naughty, 
I  took  candy  and  feel  sick;  I  must  be  punished." 
Now,  the  same  inexorable  logic  he  would  have  us 
apply  to  his  little  sister.  As  soon  as  she  begins  to 
cry  he  will  ask :  "Is  May  sick  ?"  and  if  he  is  told,  no, 
he  says  emphatically:  "She  must  be  punished."  A 
few  days  ago  he  began  to  inflict  the  punishment  him- 
self, striking  her  whenever  he  had  a  chance.  As  long 
as  he  limited  himself  to  what  appeared  a  playful  slap, 


42  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

the  case  seemed  to  call  for  nothing  more  serious  than 
a  corresponding  punishment  administered  to  him ;  but, 
unfortunately,  the  tendency  to  constitute  himself  high- 
executioner  has  become  stronger  and  stronger,  until  it 
culminated  yesterday  in  the  following  incident : 

May  awoke  from  her  midday  nap  in  a  cross  humor, 
and  Rollins  asked  his  mother  the  usual  question :  "Is 
sister  sick?" 

"No,"  was  the  reply,  "but  she  is  out  of  sorts  and 
uncomfortable." 

"Am  I  sometimes  out  of  sorts  and  uncomfortable?" 
answered  the  little  fellow. 

"Yes,  dear,"  said  his  mother. 

"Do  you  let  me  cry  when  I  am  out  of  sorts  and  un- 
comfortable ?"  continued  the  logician. 

"No,  dear,  not  long." 

"Must  I  be  punished  when  I  am  out  of  sorts  and  un- 
comfortable, and  cry  and  cry?" 

"Yes,  if  you  go  on  too  long." 

"Then  sister  must  be  punished,  too,  and  I  will  pun- 
ish her,"  was  his  verdict. 

"Sister  is  much  younger  than  you  and  does  not 
know  any  better,  and  you  can't  punish  her;  only  papa 
and  mamma  can  do  that." 

"I  am  going  to  punish  sister,"  was  the  determined 
reply ;  "sister  must  be  punished,  like  me," 

"If  you  punish  sister,  you  will  be  punished  much 
more  severely." 

"I  know,"  he  said,  "but  I  will  punish  her." 

And  saying  so,  he  rushed,  before  his  mother  could 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  43 

stop  him,  to  the  crib  where  his  sister  lay,  and  dealt 
her  a  blow  on  the  forehead  with  all  his  might. 

You  may  imagine  the  horror  of  his  mother.  The 
little  culprit  stood  for  a  moment  as  if  dazed,  then,  see- 
ing his  mother's  distress  and  hearing  the  redoubled 
cries  of  Baby,  he  burst  into  tears  and  shrieked  passion- 
ately : 

"I  am  naughty,  you  must  punish  me,  and  you  must 
punish  sister,  too ;  I  am  bad  and  sister  is  bad."  His 
mother,  being  busy  with  the  baby,  paid  no  attention 
to  him ;  but  when  the  children  had  calmed  down  some- 
what, she  told  Rollins  that  papa  would  have  to  punish 
him  this  timie.  "Will  you  let  me  tell  papa?"  was  the 
contented  reply,  and  being  assured  that  he  would  be 
allowed  to  do  so,  he  flew  to  his  mamma  and  showered 
kisses  upon  her  and  his  sister,  exclaiming:  "Isn't  she 
the  sweetest  baby  sister  in  the  world?" 

Papa  had  no  sooner  entered  the  house  towards  even- 
ing than  Rollins  ran  towards  him  with  an  impetuous : 
"Papa,  dear,  I  must  be  punished,  I  was  very,  very 
naughty ;  I  hit  baby  sister  because  she  cried  and  cried 
and  was  not  sick." 

Papa  dropped  the  little  fellow  whom  he  had  just 
taken  up  to  kiss  and  said  sternly:  "Did  my  boy  dis- 
obey again  ?  I  am  very  sorry  to  hear  this.  Go  out  of 
the  room  and  do  not  come  in  until  I  call  you." 

A  hurried  conversation  between  papa  and  mamma 
resulted  in  a  plan  of  action.  Rollins  was  to  be  put  to 
bed  at  once,  and  to  have  no  supper  until  he  repented 
and  solemnly  promised  to  mend  his  ways.  True  to 


44  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

himself,  Rollins  cheerfully  consented  to  this  pro- 
gramme. He  merely  asked,  when  led  to  his  bed-room : 
"Will  I  never  eat  supper  again?" 

"Oh,  yes,"  answered  papa,  "as  soon  as  you  promise 
faithfully,  like  a  little  man,  never,  never  to  strike  baby 
sister.  You  may  have  half  a  glass  of  milk  and  a  piece 
of  bread  now,  but  nothing  else  to-night." 

"I  won't  promise,"  was  the  answer.  "I'll  whip  sis- 
ter when  sister  is  bad." 

"We'll  see,"  answered  his  father. 

Rollins  went  to  bed  in  his  usual  cheerful  mood,  chat- 
tering to  papa,  who  never  answered.  When  the  child 
lay  down  on  his  pillow  his  father  merely  told  him  good- 
night, without  kissing  him,  and  left  the  room. 

Two  hours  passed,  and  papa  and  mamma  were  curi- 
ous to  know  what  had  become  of  the  little  sinner. 
Mamma  went  up-stairs,  approached  the  door  of  his 
room  on  tip-toe,  and  put  her  ear  to  the  keyhole.  Rol- 
lins was  tossing  in  his  crib.  She  entered.  He  looked 
at  her  quietly  and  said:  "I  am  hungry,  mamma." 

"I  am  sorry,"  she  answered,  "but  you  know  you 
can't  have  any  supper  until  you  promise  to  be  good, 
and  never  to  strike  sister  again." 

"I  can't  promise,  and  I  will  strike  sister  if  she  is 
bad." 

Out  went  mamma  and  reported  to  papa  who  listened 
with  an  angry  frown.  "The  little  fellow  will  have 
to  be  taught  a  lesson,  once  for  all,"  he  said. 

Another  hour  passed.    This  time  papa  went  up.    He 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  45 

gently  opened  the  door,  and  Rollins  turned  towards 
him  with  wet  eyes. 

"I  am  hungry,  papa." 

"You  know  you  can  have  your  supper  whenever  you 
want  to,  but  you  must  first  promise,"  etc. 

"I  won't  promise,  and  I'll  whip  sister  if  she  is  bad," 
sobbed  the  little  fellow. 

"Do  not  talk  in  this  way,"  his  father  called  out  in 
his  sternest  voice.  "It  pains  me  to  hear  you  speak 
so  cruelly.  Don't  you  love  baby  sister  ?" 

"I  do  love  baby  sister  and  I  love  papa  and  mamma 
and  grandma,  but  baby  sister  must  not  cry  when  she  is 
not  sick."  And  the  child  sobbed  convulsively. 

Papa  was  puzzled.  At  last  he  went  up  to  Rollin's 
crib  and  said :  "I  know  my  boy  will  be  more  sensible 
to-morrow.  I'll  kiss  you  good-night,  and  now  go  to 
sleep." 

"Good  night,  papa  dear,"  sobbed  Rollins;  "will  I 
never  eat  any  more?" 

"Yes,  to-morrow  morning,"  answered  papa,  with  a 
lump  in  his  throat,  as  he  went  out. 

When  his  parents  retired  for  the  night,  Rollins  was 
still  awake.  Not  a  word  passed  between  them  and  him ; 
only,  when  the  light  was  extinguished,  Rollins  said : 
"Will  it  soon  be  to-morrow  morning?" 

"•No,  you  must  first  sleep;  good-night!"  said  his 
mamma. 

An  hour  passed  and  another  hour,  and  neither  mam- 
ma nor  papa  nor  the  child  had  fallen  asleep.  Rollins 
tossed  and  turned,  but  said  nothing.  His  father  was 


46  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD  TRAINING. 

pondering  upon  what  seemed  to  him  the  most  serious 
problem  he  had  ever  been  called  upon  to  solve.  Toward 
three  o'clock  in  the  morning  the  boy's  deep  breathing 
at  last  showed  that  he  was  asleep;  but  he  was  still 
restless,  moving  from  side  to  side.  "I  am  naughty,  I 
am  naughty,"  he  called  out  after  a  while,  and  again  a 
little  later. 

In  the  morning  he  awoke  at  his  usual  hour.  He 
was  pale,  but  cheerful.  He  came  to  the  breakfast  table 
and  no  one  alluded  to  yesterday's  happenings,  but  be- 
fore taking  his  seat  he  asked  papa:  "May  I  eat  to- 
day?" 

"Yes,  you  may." 

"But  I  will  strike  baby  sister  if  she  is  bad,"  said 
Rollins. 

His  father  did  not  answer,  but  when  Rollins  had 
eaten  his  breakfast  he  said:  "Now  I  am  going  to  my 
office,  but  before  I  go  I  want  to  know  whether  you 
can  promise  me  to  be  a  good  boy  and  love  your  little 
sister." 

"I  am  a  good  boy  and  I  love  my  little  sister  and  I 
love  my  mamma  and  papa  and  grandma,  but  I  will 
strike  sister  when  she  is  bad." 

"You  will  not  strike  your  sister  and  you  will  not 
kiss  your  sister,  to-day,  and  you  will  not  kiss  papa 
and  mamma  and  not  grandma  either,  until  you  learn 
that  it  is  wrong  to  speak  as  you  do,"  said  papa  as  he 
left  the  house. 

Rollins  said  nothing,  but  his  eyes  filled  with  tears. 

And  here  my  story  ends,  for  I  write  it  down  with  all 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  47 

the  incidents  fresh  in  my  mind,  and  my  heart  full  of 
misgivings,  and  before  we  have  come  to  any  conclusion 
as  to  what  to  do.  How  is  this  rebellious  and  yet  loving 
spirit  to  be  curbed  ?  What  has  the  future  in  store  for 
this  child  ?  My  heart  bleeds  as  I  look  at  the  dear  little 
fellow,  whose  face  is  so  expressive  of  manliness,  and 
whose  ways  are  so  sweet  and  winning,  and  who  yet 
is  a  source  of  deep  concern  to  his  parents  as  well  as 
to  myself.  I  do  not  know  what  his  father  intends  to 
do  if  the  child  persists  in  his  strange  mood.  That  it 
must  be  dealt  with  I  clearly  see ;  but  I  dread  to  think 
that  sterner  measures  than  have  hitherto  been  em- 
ployed may  be  necessary.  I  fervently  hope  that  we 
may  soon  find  a  way  out  of  the  dilemma.  Perhaps 
my  perplexity  and  doubts  may  find  an  echo,  if  not  an 
answer,  in  the  opinions  of  others. 


WAYS   OUT   OF  THE   DILEMMA. 

L 

Would  you  allow  one  who  has  considerable  ex- 
perience in  the  teaching  of  children  to  make  a  remark 
or  two  on  the  subject  of  "A  Dilemma?"  My  advice 
is :  Leave  the  boy  alone !  Before  punishing  the  child, 
pray  examine  the  parent's  words  as  given  by  the  writer 
of  the  article. 

"Am  I  sometimes  out  of  sorts  and  uncomfortable?" 
asked  the  boy. 


48  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

"Yes,  dear,"  said  his  mother. 

"Do  you  let  me  cry  when  I  am  out  of  sorts  and 
uncomfortable  ?" 

"No,  dear,  not  long." 

"Must  I  be  punished  when  I  am  out  of  sorts  and 
uncomfortable,  and  cry  and  cry?" 

"Yes,  if  you  go  on  too  long." 

Now,  if  instead  of  the  last  answer,  the  mother  had 
said:  "No,  because  I  try  to  make  you  comfortable 
as  quickly  as  I  can,"  it  would  have  been  an  answer 
more  according  to  truth,  and  would  have  satisfied  the 
boy.  At  the  utmost  he  would  have  wondered  why 
mother  is  so  slow  about  it  with  baby,  and  might  then 
have  been  answered  by  a  few  words,  explaining  how 
he  could  easily  locate  his  discomfort,  while  baby  can- 
not, and  that  it  requires  time  for  mamma  to  find  out 
what  ails  baby. 

There  is  an  innate  sense  of  justice  in  children  which 
must  never  be  disturbed.  My  experience  is  that  just 
punishment  is  borne  by  children  as  a  fit  consequence 
of  their  transgression,  provided  they  are  treated  fairly ; 
that  is,  without  partiality. 

One  thing  children  must,  however,  be  taught  very 
early  in  life,  namely,  that  punishment  must  be  meted 
out  by  the  proper  authorities,  that  even  where  they 
notice  an  apparent  discrimination  in  favor  of  some  one, 
they  must  not  take  the  law  into  their  own  hands.  Had 
all  the  children  of  this  land  received  this  lesson  as 
they  should,  we  surely  would  not  hear  of  so  many 
lynchings  in  the  South. 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  49 

II. 

In  reading  the  article  entitled  "A  Dilemma,"  I  felt 
very  sorry  for  the  little  grandson  as  well  as  for  his 
parents. 

My  experience  has  taught  me  that,  as  we  man- 
age and  discipline  our  children,  so  will  they  man- 
age and  discipline  whatever  they  come  in  contact 
with.  It  may  be  their  playthings  or  their  pets,  as  cats, 
dogs  or  other  animals.  It  may  be  their  nurse,  their 
neighbor's  children,  those  of  our  own  flock  younger 
than  themselves,  as  it  was  with  this  little  fellow.  How 
often  we  see  them  playing  with  their  hobby-horse,  or 
chair  they  have  converted  into  one  for  the  time  being, 
whipping  and  scolding  it  because  it  wouldn't  mind — 
just  as  we,  perhaps,  have  punished  them  because  they 
would  not  mind  and  obey  us. 

If  this  little  grandson  struck  his  sister,  whose  fault 
was  it?  Was  it  his?  How  did  he  learn  to  strike? 
Who  taught  him  ?  There  must  have  been  a  time  he  did 
not  know  how.  It  seems  to  me  that  the  logic  which 
the  little  fellow  used  was  better  than  most  children 
of  his  age  are  able  to  put  into  words.  Nearly  all 
parents  .unknowingly  teach  their  children  what  they 
afterwards  punish  them  for  doing.  We  do  not  all  be- 
lieve in  inborn  depravity  of  children,  so  deep  that  it 
may  not  be  overcome  by  the  right  kind  of  surroundings 
and  teachings.  Not  long  since  I  heard  a  quite  noted 
physician  say  that  it  was  within  the  power  of  every 
mother  to  give  to  the  world  any  kind  of  child  that 


50  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

she  may  choose.    How  mothers  may  do  this  is  a  ques- 
tion for  them  to  ponder. 

There  are  three  forces  at  work  that  make  each  in- 
dividual what  he  or  she  may  be:  Inheritance,  en- 
vironments and  will  power.  (  Now,  if  it  is  by  example 
and  surroundings  that  our  little  ones  learn,  ought  we 
not  to  purify  ourselves  and  their  surroundings,  that 
there  may  be  no  stumbling  blocks  in  their  way?)  Let 
us  study  the  true  method  of  child  development  as 
taught  in  the  principles  of  Froebel's  philosophy  and 
by  his  true  followers.  A  kindergarten  training  ought 
to  be  free  to  or  within  the  grasp  of  every  mother. 
Here  is  a  chance  for  philanthropy,  until  the  true  kinder- 
garten is  established  as  a  part  of  every  public  school 
in  the  land.  All  hail  the  day  when  every  mother  shall 
be  a  true  kindergartner  and  every  home  a  kinder- 
garten. 

III. 

In  the  case  of  "A  Dilemma,"  the  punishment  idea 
has  evidently  been  so  strongly  impressed  on  the  boy 
that  he  believes  it  to  be  his  duty  to  administer  it  to 
his  baby  sister  when  no  one  else  does  so.  He  believes 
he  is  acting  rightly  and  has  the  courage  of  his  con- 
victions, hence  his  persistence.  Both  courage  and  per- 
sistence are  admirable  qualities  when  turned  in  the 
right  direction.  The  remedy  is  to  convince  him  that 
he  is  wrong — no  easy  task,  I  admit. 

There  are  many  means  to  be  used  without  resort- 
ing to  deprivation  of  food.  As  appealing  to  his  lower 
nature  seemingly  failed,  it  might  answer  to  appeal  to 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  51 

his  sense  of  justice.  After  explaining  to  him  why 
parents  are  the  only  ones  to  administer  punishment  to 
children,  he  might  be  asked  if  he  were  able  to  provide 
his  baby  sister  with  food,  clothing  and  shelter,  and  told 
that  unless  he  can  assume  these  duties  and  provide  for 
all  her  needs,  he  cannot  expect  to  be  allowed  to  pun- 
ish her.  Of  course,  the  language  used  must  be  suited 
to  his  comprehension.  If  this  failed,  restraint  could 
be  tried.  In  this  particular  case  I  should  deem  it  un- 
wise to  tie  the  offending  hands,  as  it  would  probably 
be  too  long  a  period  before  the  lesson  was  learned; 
but  a  strip  of  soft,  strong  cloth  might  be  fastened 
around  his  waist  and  attached  at  the  other  end  to 
some  immovable  piece  of  furniture,  giving  the  child 
freedom  of  movement  in  a  limited  space.  Into  this 
circle  the  baby  is  on  no  account  to  be  taken,  as  brother 
cannot  be  trusted  at  present.  As  there  is  a  grand- 
mother available,  it  might  be  possible  to  separate  the 
boy  from  the  rest  of  the  family  until  he  is  willing  to 
obey. 

His  loving  nature  would  probably  succumb  before 
the  chill  of  disapprobation  manifested  by  all,  and  as 
a  last  resort  a  severe  letting  alone  and  ignoring  of  all 
but  physical  needs  might  be  tried.  In  all  cases  it  is 
well  to  temper  justice  with  mercy  and  never  deny  the 
love  that  is  unquenchable. 

IV. 

As  the  writer  of  "A  Dilemma"  is  evidently  in  doubt 
as  to  the  wisest  course  to  be  pursued,  and,  in  fact, 


52  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

asks  a  direct  question,  perhaps  I  may  be  permitted  to 
offer  some  suggestions.  I  do  so  in  all  humbleness,  for 
I  have  the  greatest  respect  for  the  wisdom  of  grand- 
mothers; but  I  have  been  making  a  study  of  kinder- 
garten principles,  and  two  things  suggest  themselves 
to  me  in  this  connection. 

The  first  is  that  between  little  Rollins's  misdemeanor 
and  his  punishment  there  seems  to  be  no  natural  rela- 
tion, no  logical  sequence.  Rollins  is  very  logical  him- 
self, and  probably  sees  no  reason  whatever  in  his  going 
to  bed  hungry  because  he  slapped  his  sister.  Rollins 
is  very  affectionate  and  really  loves  the  little  sister. 
How  would  it  have  been,  then,  had  he  been  told  quietly 
and  firmly:  "You  have  been  unkind  to  the  baby  and 
have  hurt  her;  you  may  not  see  her  again  until  you 
promise  to  treat  her  well  ?"  Perhaps  it  would  take  but 
a  few  hours  of  separation,  perhaps  even  a  few  days, 
but  I  am  quite  sure  the  punishment  would  have  a  last- 
ing effect. 

Apparently  little  Rollins  was  not  animated  by  a  cruel 
motive  in  striking  the  baby,  but  merely  by  a  logical 
desire  to  punish  her  as  he  himself  had  been  punished. 
This  brings  us  to  the  much  debated  ground  of  corporal 
punishment.  The  pros  and  cons  of  this  subject  are 
too  well  known  to  need  repetition.  From  the  short 
account  of  Rollins,  I  should  judge  he  was  a  child  upon 
whom  striking  would  have  the  worst  possible  effect. 
He  is  so  affectionate  and  loving,  surely  he  can  be  man- 
aged without  it. 

One  other  point :    The  words  "good"  and  "naughty" 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  53 

seem  to  have  been  used  a  great  deal  as  applied  to 
Rollins's  actions.  I  sometimes  wish  these  two  words 
could  be  eliminated  from  the  language.  To  my  mind 
there  is  nothing  so  demoralizing  to  a  child  as  to  be 
alternately  styled  a  "bad  boy"  and  a  "good  boy."  The 
antithesis  is  sharply  drawn;  he  is  praised  and  petted 
when  he  is  "good,"  denounced  and  punished  when 
he  is  "bad."  Sometimes,  I  venture  to  say,  he  himself 
does  not  know  which  is  which.  In  my  experience,  the 
very  quickest  way  to  rouse  a  child  to  anger  and  wil- 
fulness  is  to  call  him  "a  naughty  boy."  As  naughti- 
ness is  evidently  expected  of  him,  he  will  not  disappoint 
you,  and  he  doesn't. 

I  have  tried  in  my  nursery  always  to  presuppose  that 
my  little  boy  (now  three  years  old)  is  going  to  do 
right,  i.  o.,  what  mother  wishes  for;  as  yet  he  knows 
no  higher  law.  Any  divergence  is  met  with  amaze- 
ment on  the  part  of  his  nurse  and  myself.  We  are 
sure  that  he  could  not  have  meant  to  do  wrong,  and 
we  know  it  will  never  happen  again.  I  often  pass  over 
brief  acts  of  disobedience  which  I  know  are  committed 
purely  from  fun  or  mischief  or  a  desire  to  create  an 
excitement ;  but  if  I  think  he  really  means  to  be  dis- 
obedient or  disagreeable  my  surprise  is  great.  He 
knows  well  what  I  expect  of  him,  however,  and  rarely 
indeed  1  have  to  resort  to  more  severe  punishment. 
We  all  know  how  it  stimulates  us  to  be  with  those  who 
expect  a  good  deal  of.  us,  and  it  is  the  same  thing  with 
little  children. 

Mv  heart  goes  out  to  little  Rollins,  lying  supperless 


54  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

and  wakeful  in  his  crib,  wondering  why  things  are  so ; 
and  I  fear  that  he  has  been  greatly  misunderstood. 
Such  an  affectionate,  loving  little  heart  should  be  very 
easily  led.  I  lay  great  stress  on  motives,  and  his 
motive  in  striking  his  sister  was,  to  his  mind,  a  just 
one.  He  did  not  do  it  from  malice  or  unkindness, 
and  therefore  he  was  not  cruel,  and  he  was  naughty 
only  in  disobeying  his  parents.  When  he  fully  under- 
stands that  his  act  deprives  him  of  seeing  the  baby, 
and  when  he  himself  is  punished  by  gentler  means  than 
being  struck,  I  think  he  will  be  perfectly  amenable. 

V. 

In  answer  to  "A  Dilemma,"  may  I  say  that  from  this 
distance  the  problem  does  not  seem  so  very  difficult  ? 

The  parents,  I  think,  excited  by  their  fear  for  the 
baby's  safety,  were  rather  hasty  in  their  punishment, 
and  would  have  done  better  to  defer  it  until  the  next 
day;  but  the  child  who  labored  under  a  misunder- 
standing, and  refused  to  promise  anything  in  which 
his  reason  could  not  concur,  showed  only  an  upright 
and  veracious  mind.  He  appears  to  have  been  reason- 
ing in  this  manner :  "When  I  cry  and  am  not  sick  I  am 
punished,  but  when  little  sister  cries  and  is  not  sick 
she  is  not  punished,  therefore,  either  my  parents  love 
her  better,  which  is  not  true,'  or  they  are  not  doing 
their  duty  by  her.  They  are  not  doing  their  duty  by 
her,  and  so  I  shall  punish  her  myself."  He  thinks, 
it  seems,  that  it  is  his  sense  of  justice  which  makes 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  55 

'      ':    Iliirti 
him  wish  to  punish  her;  but  it  seems  to  me  that  the 

feelings  of  the  affectionate  little  fellow  have  been  most 
aroused  by  the  suggestion  that  perhaps  his  parents  do 
not  love  him  so  much  as  they  do  that  little  sister.  It 
is  this,  at  the  bottom,  which  makes  it  seem  so  necessary 
to  him  that  justice  should  be  done. 

Herbert  Spencer  reasons  that  the  most  effective  and 
suitable  punishments  are  those  which  resemble  the 
natural  consequences;  that  is,  if  a  child  is  told  not 
to  put  his  ringer  on  the  stove  and  persists,  the  slight 
burn  he  may  get  by  his  naughtiness  is  the  most  effective 
punishment  he  can  have.  The  most  natural  thing  to 
do  in  this  case,  it  seems  to  me,  would  be  to  keep  the 
little  fellow  persistently  away  from  his  little  sister,  as 
if  he  were  dangerous  to  her.  Otherwise,  without  men- 
tioning the  subject,  the  parents  should  soothe  the  in- 
jured feelings  by  every  loving  attention  they  can  de- 
vise, and  then,  when  harmony  of  feeling  has  been  re- 
established, some  one  might  tell  a  story  about  the  in- 
jury which  comes  to  young  babies  from  rough  hand- 
ling, something  to  impress  upon  him  their  great 
delicacy.  This  should  not  be  told  to  him,  but  in  his 
presence.  Another  story  might  be  told  about  some 
other  child,  to  illustrate  how  wrong  it  is  for  anybody 
to  punish  except  parents,  or  somebody  they  authorize, 
and  what  mistakes  such  a  bad  person  might  make. 

As  for  his  refusing  to  promise  what  he  could  not 
feel,  nothing  should  be  done,  because  if  that  strong 
will  should  be  overcome  by  force  it  certainly  would 
be  injured. 


56  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 


WHO   WAS  RIGHT? 

"Mamma,  don't  punish  me  before  you  hear  what 
I  have  to  say."  Thus  spoke  my  little  fellow  of  eight 
on  my  return  from  a  visit  the  other  day. 

"What  did  you  do?"  I  inquired,  "why  should  I 
punish  you?" 

"I  brought  my  express  wagon  full  of  earth  from  the 
woods  for  Mrs.  Thomas,  and  she  gave  me  five  cents 
for  doing  the  work." 

"You  know  I  never  allow  you  to  take  money  for 
doing  favors,"  I  replied.  "You  must  take  the  money 
back  to  Mrs.  Thomas  and  tell  her  that  you  were  glad 
to  do  the  work,  but  that  mamma  does  not  allow  you 
to  take  money  for  it." 

"All  right,  mamma,"  he  answered  promptly,  and 
away  he  marched  like  a  little  man.  But  when  he  came 
back,  oh,  what  a  change!  His  eyes  were  filled  with 
tears,  his  lips  were  quivering,  and  he  was  unable  to 
control  himself  sufficiently  to  eat  his  supper. 

"Edward,  now  try  to  be  a  good  boy,"  I  finally  said, 
"or  you  will  have  to  eat  in  the  kitchen." 

"I  can't  be  good,"  he  answered,  "and  it  is  all  your 
fault.  I  worked  so  hard,  I  think  I  deserved  that 
money." 

_  "But  you  know  I  have  often  told  you  that  you  must 
be  willing  to  do  things  without  being  paid." 

"Mamma,  I  did  not  ask  for  the  money,  and  I 
only  wanted  to  buy  little  books  with  it,  and  you 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  57 

never  give  me  a  penny,  and" — here  he  burst  out  into 
sobs. 

My  heart  ached  for  the  poor  little  fellow,  but  I  felt 
that  I  was  right,  and  I  had  to  appear  firm.  Later  on, 
when  the  child  had  calmed  down  sufficiently  to  eat  his 
supper,  and  when  I  reflected  on  the  evil  effects  of  the 
deprivation  on  his  temper,  doubts  began  to  arise  as 
to  the  wisdom  of  my  course. 

Had  I  looked  at  the  matter  from  the  right  point  of 
view?  Ought  I  not  to  have  made  allowance  for  the 
little  fellow's  honest  pride  in  his  labor  and  its  just 
reward?  Should  I  not  have  shown  some  appreciation 
of  his  desire  to  spend  his  money  in  a  sensible  way? 

Similar  questions  may  have  agitated  other  mothers 
in  dealing  with  childish  whims.  Perhaps  some  may 
enlighten  me. 


ANSWERS  TO   "WHO   WAS   RIGHT?" 
I. 

SHE  WAS  WRONG. 

My  heart  aches  for  that  poor  boy  so  unjustly  treated 
by  the  writer  on  "Who  Was  Right?"  who  evidently 
means  to  be  conscientious,  but  errs  so  frightfully  in 
judgment.  The  very  first  sentence  throws  a  clarify- 
ing side-light  on  her  utterly  mistaken  system :  "Don't 
punish  me  before  you  hear  what  I  have  to  say!" 
Think  of  the  experience  a  child  must  have  gone 
through  in  eight  unhappy  years,  to  teach  him  the 


58  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

necessity  of  making  a  plea  like  that !  Think  of  the 
utter  incompetence  for  the  discharge  of  her  most  im- 
portant duties  it  portrays  on  the  part  of  a  mother  when 
a  helpless  child  can  even  dream  of  the  possibility  of 
her  punishing  him  before  a  fair  hearing!  Then,  fur- 
ther on,  "he  was  unable  (the  words  are  quoted,  I  only 
italicize)  to  control  himself  sufficiently  to  eat  his  sup- 
per," and  his  mother  threatened  to  send  him  from 
the  table  in  disgrace!  Think  of  punishing  a  person, 
whether  child  or  adult,  because  grief  has  spoiled  his 
appetite ! 

Then,  as  to  the  main  question :  It  is  all  very  well 
to  tell  children  not  to  take  pay  for  doing  small  favors. 
But  this  is  a  different  matter  altogether.  It  is  not  a 
small  favor  for  a  child  to  do  hard  work  for  a  neigh- 
bor. Would  your  correspondent  expect  Mrs.  Thomas's 
eight-year-old  boy  to  "work  so  hard"  for  another 
neighbor,  herself,  for  instance,  without  compensation? 
Would  she  be  capable  of  the  meanness  of  letting  him 
do  it  for  herself  without  offering  him  some  trifling 
reward?  I  did  hope  that  the  story  would  end  by  her 
giving  Edward  a  half-dime  herself  as  a  free-will  gift — 
not  as  payment  for  anything,  but  for  "love  and  affec- 
tion," as  I  tell  my  children  in  doubtful  cases  some- 
times— to  buy  his  poor  "little  books"  with.  But  no — 
she  wronged  him  to  the  end,  and  the  only  redeeming 
feature  of  the  case  is  that  she  was  sufficiently  tormented 
by  misgivings,  as  well  she  might  be,  to  induce  her  to 
ask  whether  she  was  right.  May  God  grant  her  grace 
to  see  her  error  before  she  not  only  loses  her  boy's 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  59 

love  by  embittering  his  most  sensitive  years  with  her 
absurd  severity,  but  also — perhaps  a  more  serious  in- 
jury— distorts  forever  his  sense  of  common  justice  and 
perverts  his  (now  apparently  sound)  conceptions  of 
right  and  wrong. 

II. 

SHE  WAS  RIGHT. 

The  interesting  story  of  the  writer  on  "Who  Was 
Right?"  must  have  set  many  readers  thinking.  The 
mother  is  evidently  an  intelligent  person,  who  is  de- 
termined to  carry  out  conscientiously  her  plan  of  edu- 
cation. That  she  has  doubts  as  to  its  wisdom  is  evi- 
dent from  her  own  confession,  but,  with  all  her  ap- 
parent severity,  I  think  she  was  right.  Her  little 
boy  had  been  disobedient  and  disobedient  from  mer- 
cenary motives.  He  must  have  been  in  the  habit,  if  not 
of  soliciting,  at  least  of  expecting,  a  pecuniary  reward 
for  such  slight  services  as  he  was  able  to  render  to 
others,  and  that  is  not  a  good  habit  for  an  eight-year- 
old  to  form. 

I  remember  reading  in  my  school  days  a  parable  by 
Krummacher,  which  turns  on  the  disposition  made  of 
three  peaches  given  to  three  young  boys,  brothers,  who 
had  never  before  seen  the  fruit.  The  youngest  ate  his 
peach  with  much  enjoyment  and  without  much  reflec- 
tion, the  second  sold  his,  while  the  oldest  gave  his  to 
a  sick  friend.  I  could  not  then  understand  why  Krum- 
macher makes  the  father  chide  the  second  son  for 


60  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAIXIXG. 

selling  his  peach,  with  the  remark,  "May  Heaven  pre- 
serve you  from  becoming  a  "trader;"  but  I  have 
learned  to  appreciate  the  wisdom  of  the  remark.  We 
must  beware  of  fostering  unduly  in  our  children  the 
trading  instinct ;  therefore,  while  it  is  easy  to  sym- 
pathize with  the  little  fellow  in  his  disappointment,  we 
must  also  sympathize  with  the  mother  in  her  just  effort 
to  encourage  unselfishness  in  her  son's  heart. 

The  question  at  issue  is  a  very  important  one,  and 
goes  to  the  very  root  of  the  problem  of  education.  The 
little  fellow  reasoned  well  from  his  point  of  view,  and 
doubtless  felt  that  he  had  a  strong  case,  but  the  mother 
looked  to  his  future  good,  and  wisely  chose  to  inflict 
what  appeared  to  her,  as  well  as  to  him,  a  momentary 
hardship,  rather  than  sacrifice  a  principle  the  justice 
of  which  will  be  apparent  to  him  long  after  the  tears 
and  woes  of  his  childhood  are  forgotten. 

III. 

BOTH  WERE  RIGHT. 

The  author  of  the  article  entitled  "Who  Was  Right  ?" 
is  evidently  a  conscientious  parent,  and  not  only  con- 
scientious, but  fair,  willing  to  question  her  own  wis- 
dom for  the  sake  of  justice  to  her  child. 

In  this  particular  case  of  home  government,  the 
writer  must  say  that  her  sympathies  are  on  the  side 
of  the  small  boy,  who  doubtless,  with  proper  encour- 
agement, will  develop  into  a  sensible,  industrious  little 
fellow. 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  6l 

The  idea  of  doing  favors  for  the  sake  of  kindness 
and  without  reward  is  a  good  one,  but  subject  to  limita- 
tion. True,  it  is  not  right  to  rear  our  children  so  that 
they  shall  expect  and  demand  a  material  reward  for 
every  service.  Virtue  is  its  own  reward  to  a  certain 
extent,  and  the  true  Christian  gentleman,  whether  he 
be  eight  or  eighty  years  old,  is  a  presence  that  brings 
warmth  to  the  soul.  But  when  a  reward,  unasked  for, 
is  offered,  the  case  is  different.  Whether  it  should 
be  accepted  or  not  depends  on  the  sincerity  of  the  per- 
son offering  it,  and  on  its  value  relative  to  the  worth 
of  the  service  rendered.  And  any  lady  would  hesitate 
about  asking  a  child  to  do  a  task  like  the  one  men- 
tioned unless  she  felt  that  she  could  compensate  him 
for  his  labor.  When  people  accept  our  gratitude  in 
some  material  form,  we  are  free  to  ask  again  for  favors 
without  feeling  that  the  obligation  is  entirely  on  our 
side. 

As  to  the  general  question  of  paying  children,  why 
not  let  them  have  some  little  work  for  which  a  specified 
sum  will  be  given?  If  there  is  developed  an  unwil- 
lingness to  give  unpaid-for  service,  this  can  be  checked 
by  authority,  parental  discipline,  and  by  the  endeavor 
to  teach  the  principles  of  Christian  duty  and  gener- 
osity. 

Most  of  us  need  a  spur  to  labor.  Little  and  big,  we 
all  like  to  receive  something  for  our  work.  Theoreti- 
cally, we  ought  to  do  right  because  it  is  right,  not  for 
fear  of  punishment  nor  for  desire  of  reward ;  but  who 
of  us  is  there  that  is  not  more  or  less  influenced  bv 


62  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

both  motives?  And  let  us  remember  that  the  system 
of  rewards  and  punishments  has  been  offered  to  man 
from  on  high,  since  the  time  of  our  ancestors  of  the 
Garden  of  Eden.  In  our  dealings  with  children  we 
rarely  forget  the  punishments;  let  us  not  forget  the 
rewards. 

The  writer  well  remembers  the  sense  of  independ- 
ence and  pleasure  derived  from  ten  cents  a  week, 
earned  when  a  little  girl  by  "doing"  all  the  dishes 
during  the  summer  vacation.  Probably  the  money 
was  not  all  spent  wisely,  nor  saved  carefully ;  perhaps 
the  work  ought  to  have  been  done  without  reward 
for  the  sake  of  "helping  mother."  But  the  weekly 
dime  gave  a  zest  to  labor,  and  did  not  lessen  gratitude 
toward  the  kind  parent  who  gave  the  sum  for  the 
sake  of  the  pleasure  it  afforded  a  small  girl  to  have 
"her  very  own  money." 

A  little  boy  whose  parents  encouraged  his  under- 
taking little  jobs  about  home  early  learned  to  save 
his  pennies.  A  small  sum  accummulated,  the  father 
taking  it  at  interest,  until  it  finally  purchased  a  bit  of 
profitable  bank  stock  for  the  lad. 

Without  encouraging  selfishness  or  overestimating 
the  importance  of  propriety,  there  are  various  ways 
of  teaching  children  the  true  value  and  sensible  use 
of  money.  Most  of  us  can  afford  a  penny,  a  "nickel," 
\  or  an  occasional  dime,  for  some  special  service.  Why 
not  give  a  few  pennies  a  week  for  the  cheerful  doing 
of  all  errands  asked?  A  little  work  about  the  gar- 
,  the  weeding  of  flower-beds,  cutting  out  plantain 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  63 

and  dandelion  roots  from  the  lawn,  a  little  fuel  car- 
ried, or  water  brought — all  are  tasks  which,  if  done  at 
all  regularly,  are  worthy  of  a  small  reward. 

Beginning  parental  life  with  rather  strict  ideas  and 
theories  on  training  children,  the  writer  has,  neverthe- 
less, been  brought  to  adopt  this  principle :  "Give  your 
child  every  privilege  which  you  can,  without  sacri- 
ficing his  obedience  to  the  other  parent  and  duty  to 
others,  or  running  the  risk  of  'spoiling'  him,  i.e.,  mak- 
ing him  selfish  and  exacting."  Let  this  be  the  feeling : 
"I  know  mamma  will  let  me  if  it's  good  for  me." 


IV. 

THE  COMPROMISE. 

"Who  was  right?"  the  anxious  question  asked, 
brings  a  desire  to  talk  with  the  mother.  My  husband 
and  myself  hold  similar  views,  but  in  the  town  where 
we  live  it  is  a  custom  to  give  a  child  who  does  an 
errand  or  other  favor  (for  others  than  the  parents) 
some  money.  It  may  be  only  a  cent,  or  it  may  be  five 
or  ten.  The  children  expect  to  be  paid  for  each  and 
every  favor  done. 

When  our  little  son  became  old  enough  to  be  called 
on  by  neighbors  and  friends,  and  came  home  with 
his  first  penny,  saying:  "See  mamma,  Mrs.  So- 
and-So  gave  me  a  cent  because  I  went  on  an 
errand,"  I  tried  to  teach  him  to  be  willing  to  do 
a  kindness  for  anyone  cheerfully,  without  expecting 


64  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

or  desiring  payment.  I  also  spoke  to  such  of  the 
neighbors  as  were  likely  to  call  on  him,  and  requested 
them  not  to  pay  him,  saying  that  it  was  a  matter  of 
principle  with  me,  and  that  I  was  trying  to  teach  him 
it  was  a  pleasure  to  help  others. 

I  met  strong  disapproval,  receiving  such  answers 
as — "I  think  you  are  wrong;  you  allow  him  to  be 
called  from  play,  go  up-town,  and  then  say  he  must  not 
be  paid  for  it."  "\Ylvy  should  your  child  do  an  er- 
rand for  me  or  anyone  else,  except  you,  for  nothing 
when  all  the  other  children  get  money  for  it?"  "It 
is  worth  a  few  cents  to  me  to  get  an  errand  done,  and 
if  your  boy  goes  he  is  going  to  have  the  money 
whether  you  like  it  or  not."  "If  you  don't  want  him 
to  have  the  pennies  you  must  refuse  to  let  him  do  the 
errands ;  other  children  get  cents,  why  shouldn't  he  ?" 

Here  was  a  quandary.  To  refuse  to  allow  him  to 
accommodate  anyone  was  to  make  him,  in  a  way,  sel- 
fish ;  to  allow  him  to  take  money,  ditto.  What  should 
we  do?  Finally,  we  decided  that,  while  deploring  the 
system,  we  could  not  alter  the  existing  facts,  and  so 
we  say,  "Do  not,  then,  pay  him  every  time ;  if  he  must 
be  paid,  let  it  be  only  part  of  the  time,"  and  we  tell 
him  a  child  should  be  willing  to  go  on  an  errand  with- 
out expecting  payment.  He  is  not  allowed  to  spend 
his  money  for  candy,  so  he  adds  what  he  receives  in 
this  way  to  various  "funds."  There  is  always  the 
Christmas  bank ;  stray  pennies  dropped  in  through 
the  year  make  the  fund  large  enough  by  holiday  time 
to  purchase  his  gifts  for  others,  and  we  have  great 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  65 

secrets  and  plannings  to  get  a  present  for  each  one 
on  the  list. 

Quite  a  while  ago  he  especially  wanted  a  certain 
kind  of  cart,  costing  more  than  we  felt  we  could  af- 
ford. We  told  him  so,  but  he  said  no  other  kind 
would  make  him  "feel  happy."  A  cart  fund  was 
started,  and  slowly  grew.  When  September  came  he 
decided,  without  any  suggestion,  to  let  the  cart  fund 
wait  until  after  Christmas  and  save  up  the  rest  of  the 
year  for  Christmas.  At  Christmas  he  fell  a  trifle  short 
and  decided  to  take  some  "cart  money"  to  make  up. 
After  Christmas  he  began  to  save  again  for  a  cart.  In 
February  his  seventh  birthday  came,  and  papa  decided 
to  take  what  the  boy  had  saved,  adding  enough  to  it 
to  get  the  long  hoped-for  cart,  and  since  then  he  has 
again  saved  for  Christmas.  He  understood  the  cart 
was  bought  with  his  money  partly  and  was  a  present 
also.  I  heard  him  tell  a  playmate  who  asked  what  it 
cost,  that  he  did  not  know,  "because  papa  paid  part  of 
it  and  part  I  saved  up.'" 

Incidentally  he  learned  to  count  money  and  the 
fractional  parts  of  a  dollar,  exchanging  cents  for  dimes 
and  nickles,  and  these  for  quarters  and  halves,  and 
again  those  for  bills.  It  is  not  what  we  wished  to  do, 
but  it  seems  the  best  we  could  do  under  existing  cir- 
cumstances. A  child  feels  often  that  a  parent  is  un- 
kind and  hard  when  he  is  refused  what  other  children 
have  as  unquestioned  rights. 

Perhaps  the  writer  of  the  letter  may  find  a  com- 
promise with  her  boy.  Might  it  not  be  well  to  allow 


66  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

him  to  earn  money  and  spend  it  under  a  supervision, 
as  long  as  the  custom  is  so  universal  that  one  doing 
otherwise  is  thought  to  be  strange  and  even  cruel? 

I  note  another  point  in  her  letter.  Her  little  boy 
came  bravely  home  and  told  her  the  circumstances, 
even  though  half  expecting  punishment.  In  such  a 
case  it  behooves  us,  as  parents,  to  think  twice  before 
justice  is  meted  out.  With  some  children,  to  punish 
a  fault  self-confessed  would  tend  to  teach  concealment 
in  future.  Some  children  would  argue,  "I  told  and  I 
was  punished;  next  time  I'll  keep  still  and  perhaps  I 
won't  be  found  out."  Here  lies  a  danger  for  some, 
though  the  writer  may  happily  not  have  this  to  fear 
in  her  case. 

I  will  add  that  I  am  accustomed  to  meet  disapproval 
of  our  "new-fangled  ideas"  in  child-training,  and  in 
many  cases  I  am  so  firmly  convinced  of  their  being 
right  that  I  take  no  heed  of  disapprobation;  but  in 
this  matter  I  could  easily  see  there  was  more  than 
one  view  to  be  taken,  hence  the  compromise.  If  it 
helps  the  mother  even  slightly  to  know  how  another 
decided  the  question,  I  shall  not  have  written  in  vain. 


GOOD      HABITS     LEARNED     AUTOMAT- 
ICALLY. 

There  is  only  one  way  to  eradicate  badness  in  a 
baby  or  in  a  man.  Direct  scolding  is  of  very  little 
avail;  good  feelings  must  be  made  to  take  the  place 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  67 

of  angry  ones;  right  habits  must  be  substituted  for 
wrong  ones;  happiness  must  be  induced  where  peev- 
ishness and  irritation  have  held  sway. 

A  baby  is  too  young  and  weak  and  unformed  to  ex- 
ercise self-control  at  the  command  of  its  mother. 
But  its  attention  is  easily  led  away,  and  it  can  forget 
in  a  minute  the  sources  of  its  discomfort.  Every  art 
and  every  device  by  which  angry  feelings  can  be  kept 
down,  and  smiles  and  sunshine  maintained  in  their 
stead  (provided,  of  course,  it  is  an  honest  art;  prom- 
ises should  be  sacred  with  the  youngest  babies),  are  so 
much  real  assistance  towards  the  formation  of  a  gentle 
and  lovable  character.  Some  people  get  their  faces 
so  practiced  in  bright  and  sunny  looks  that  they  be- 
come as  automatic  as  the  complicated  movements  of 
the  fingers  of  a  pianist.  Such  people  have  a  great  ad- 
vantage over  those  who  have  to  make  a  conscious 
effort  to  preserve  their  good  temper. 

Babies  as  well  as  older  children  can  often  be  taught 
to  play  at  being  good,  and  the  moment  they  have  begun 
to  enjoy  the  play  they  are  good.  I  know  a  baby  who 
has  learned  to  cry  at  command — that  is,  she  will  cover 
her  face  with  both  hands  and  make  a  very  pretty  noise 
of  crying.  Often  when  she  is  crying  in  bitter  earnest 
I  say  to  her,  "Margaret,  cry,"  and  she  stops  at  once 
the  real  cry,  puts  her  hand  on  her  face,  and  begins  the 
make-believe  cry.  The  make-believe  is  shown  in  this 
\vay  to  be  so  poor  an  imitation  that  I  wonder  she  is 
taken  in  by  it ;  but,  all  the  same,  the  ruse  has  had  the 
effect  to  make  her  forget  her  sorrows.  This  baby 


68  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

hates  to  leave  her  mamma  and  go  with  her  nurse  to 
her  own  room ;  but  there  is  a  painting  in  that  room 
that  she  is  very  fond  of.  Every  time  I  say  to  her, 
"Go  with  Annie,"  she  cries  as  hard  as  she  can  cry; 
but  if  I  say,  "Go  see  picture-mamma,"  she  goes  at 
once  without  a  word  of  protest.  It  is  quite  as  if  she 
were  a  little  automaton  and  worked  exactly  accord- 
ing as  her  springs  were  touched.  Another  baby  I 
know  is  learning  to  talk  and  obey  at  the  same  time. 
Often  when  she  sits  in  her  high  chair  and  throws  her 
playthings  down  again  and  again,  her  mamma  has 
said  to  her,  "No,  no,  no!"  The  other  day  she  held 
something  out  over  the  edge  of  her  table,  ready  to  let 
it  fall ;  but  then  she  stopped,  shook  her  head,  and 
said,  "No,  no,  no,"  and  looked  up  in  her  mamma's  face 
for  approval.  It  was  evident  that  she  took  so  much 
delight  in  the  newly-acquired  power  of  co-ordinating 
the  movements  of  the  head  and  of  speech  and  of  the 
understanding,  that  it  quite  overshadowed  the  pleasure 
of  throwing  down  the  toy. 


RAISING   BY    RULE. 

We  have  just  had  some  visitors  at  our  house  whom 
I  was  heartily  glad  to  see  depart.  I  hope  they  won't 
come  again  very  soon — not,  at  least,  until  they  can 
come  without  bringing  a  year-and-a-half-old  baby  with 
them.  It  was  not  the  baby  that  made  me  lose  my 
usual  serenity  of  soul.  It  was  the  father  and  mother. 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  69 

The  child  was  good  enough — better  than  most  babies 
would  have  been  under  similar  circumstances,  better 
by  far  than  I  should  have  been  had  I  been  in  its  place, 
knowing  half  as  much  as  I  know  now. 

These  parents  were  raising  their  little  Charles  by 
rule.  No  one  must  dare  call  the  child  "Charley"  or 
by  any  of  the  "baby-names"  dear  to  baby-lovers.  It 
was  "against  the  rule"  to  do  so.  They  had  called  that 
poor  little  thing  "Charles"  since  the  day  of  its  birth. 
It  lived  and  breathed  and  had  its  being  according  to 
"rules"  as  unalterable  as  the  law  that  "changeth 
never,"  of  which  we  have  all  read. 

The  trouble  began  the  first  night.  At  exactly  six 
o'clock  they  took  the  baby,  kicking  rebelliously,  away 
from  my  little  boy  of  the  same  age,  and  one  a  year 
older,  and  carried  him  off  up-stairs,  where  he  was  un- 
dressed and  put  to  bed.  His  parents  immediately 
rejoined  us  in  the  parlor,  leaving  the  child  kicking  and 
screaming  in  actual  fright  in  the  room  above. 

"We  always  put  him  to  bed  in  the  dark,"  said  the 
child's  mother  complacently,  heedless  of  the  shrieks 
above. 

"But  he  may  not  feel  quite  well  after  his  ride  of  a 
hundred  miles  to-day,"  said  my  wife.  "Then,  too,  the 
little  fellow  is  in  a  strange  room  and  a  strange  house." 

"That  makes  no  difference  at  all ;  I  never  go  to  him 
after  I  put  him  to  bed,  no  matter  how  long  he  cries," 
said  the  mother. 

"Mamma!  mamma!  mamma!"  shrieked  the  child. 
"Baby  'fraid!  baby  'fraid!" 


70  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

Then  father  stepped  into  the  hall  and  cried  out 
harshly : 

"Charles!  lie  still  and  hush  right  up." 

Charles  didn't  "hush  up."  He  was  a  delicate,  ner- 
vous child,  and  had  worked  himself  into  such  an  ex- 
cited state  of  mind  that  he  could  not  control  himself. 
His  cries  were  pitiful. 

"Charles!"  cried  out  the  father  a  second  time. 

"Would  you  mind  if  I  ran  up  to  the  poor  little  fellow 
for  a  moment?"  asked  my  wife,  greatly  distressed  by 
the  child's  cries. 

"We  never  have  any  one  go  to  him,"  said  the 
mother,  coldly.  "He  must  learn  to  obey  us." 

They  do  not  know  it  to  this  day,  but  I  slipped  out 
into  the  kitchen  and  ran  up  the  back-stairs  and  went 
to  that  baby  myself.  The  poor  little  soul  was  fairly 
quivering  with  fear  and  excitement.  His  little  fingers 
clutched  at  me  as  I  bent  over  him,  and  when  I  lay 
down  by  him  he  clasped  both  arms  tight  around  my 
neck  and  lay  trembling  and  sobbing  in  my  arms. 

I  believe  in  rules  and  in  systems  for  raising  babies, 
but  there  is  not  a  rule  or  a  system  that  cannot  some- 
times be  set  aside  to  the  advantage  of  the  baby.  I 
have  seen  children  whose  every  movement  was  regu- 
lated by  a  fixed  and  unalterable  rule,  and  they  were  not 
the  happiest  or  the  most  pleasing  children  in  the  world. 
I  have  known  such  children  to  break  away  from  the 
restraint  and  the  irksome  rules  of  home  at  a  surpris- 
ingly early  age,  and,  once  free  and  rejoicing  in  their 
unrestrained  liberty,  they  did  things  they  might  never 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  7! 

have  done  had  they  not  been  held  with  such  a  tight 
rein  all  their  lives.  We  need  wisdom  and  the  con- 
stant recollection  that  we  were  once  children  and  like- 
minded  with  these  little  ones  of  ours,  in  the  making 
and  enforcing  of  rules  for  their  guidance  and  happi- 
ness. 


AN   EFFECTUAL   METHOD   OF   SUBDUING 
RESTLESSNESS. 

I  have  discovered  a  new  mode  of  punishment  for  my 
little  masculine  mischief-maker  of  two  short  summers, 
which  I  think  may  prove  a  source  of  relief  to  some 
overwrought  mothers.  Being  a  boy,  he  actually  took  to 
climbing  as  soon  as  he  could  walk,  and  as  the  months 
accumulated  upon  his  head  I  found  that  not  a 
thing  was  safe  from  his  chubby  grasp — though  it 
reposed  upon  a  book-case  seven  feet  high.  If  a  cov- 
eted article  towered  above  his  reach  after  getting  upon 
the  high  chair,  he  would  take  his  little  broom  and 
brush  it  down,  for  have  it  he  must.  I  spatted  his 
hands  until  I  was  tired,  and  punished  him  in  every  way 
that  I  knew  of — that  seemed  proper  with  so  small  a 
child — but  with  no  good  results.  Reason  with  him 
I  could  not,  for  he  would  look  at  me  with  a  mischiev- 
ous smile  and  a  twinkle  in  his  eye,  while  I  lectured 
him,  and  seemed  to  enjoy  his  mischief  in  a  redoubled 
manner  immediately  afterward. 

Something  must  be  done,  for  I  must  have  my  time — 
a  part  of  it  at  least — for  the  many  labors  that  crowded 


72  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

upon  me,  so  I  devised  the  plan  of  tying  him  up  when 
he  disobeyed  me  in  any  way.  I  took  an  old  "fascin- 
ator," such  as  ladies  used  to  wear  upon  their  heads 
for  evening,  which  was  soft  and  broad,  easy  to  tie  and 
untie,  fastened  one  end  of  it  to  a  door-knob  and  tied 
the  other  around  his  waist,  and  presto!  I  had  solved 
my  problem.  He  realized  that  it  was  a  punishment 
and  the  effect  was  most  salutary.  Finally,  I  resorted 
to  the  tying  sometimes  on  other  occasions.  If  I  was 
very  busy,  and  he  annoyed  me  by  detaining  me,  I 
would  tie  him,  and  give  him  his  little  rocker  and  play- 
things with  a  safe  length  of  string,  and  he  would  play 
happily  for  a  long  time,  and  my  mind  was  absolutely 
at  rest  about  him,  while  at  the  same  time  I  was  not 
required  to  run  every  minute  to  see  if  he  was  in  mis- 
chief. The  quiet  of  mind  that  this  plan  has  afforded 
me  is  of  incalculable  value  to  a  mother  with  overfill 
hands  and  overwrought  nerves.  A  grateful  relief  it 
will  prove  itself,  I  believe,  to  any  one  who  will  try  it. 
I  am  looking  forward  to  the  frequent  usefulness  of 
my  discovery  during  the  approaching  summer,  when 
I  shall  tie  him  with  a  dress-braid,  allowing  him  the 
full  length  of  it,  while  he  plays  in  the  yard,  thus  pre- 
venting his  disappearing  through  the  gate  every  few 
minutes,  as  I  have  known  such  little  ones  to  do.  To 
demonstrate  that  I  have  gained  my  point  in  using  it 
as  a  punishment,  I. will  say,  that  now  if  little  Chubby- 
hands  starts  upon  a  tour  of  mischief,  a  call  of  "Mamma 
will  tie  him !"  brings  him  to  a  full  stop  speedily. 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  73 


INCORRIGIBLE,    AND    ONLY    FOUR. 

What  advice  may  wisdom  give  to  a  mother  at  her 
wits'  end  ?  A  certain  healthy,  lively  boy  of  four  years 
seems  incorrigible.  No  punishment  affects  long  his 
serenity  or  comfort,  and  nothing  makes  him  sulky  or 
"cross."  His  sweet-hearted,  cheerful  acceptance  of 
correction  betrays  its  non-effect  upon  his  sense  of 
moral  obligation. 

Care  has  been  taken  never  needlessly  to  punish  him, 
but  he  is  not  allowed  to  disobey — "not  allowed,"  and 
yet  the  never-prompt  obedience  of  this  happy,  irrespon-' 
sible  morsel  is  an  unending  regret  to  his  parents. 
Manifestations  of  parental  sorrow  induce  most  affec- 
tionate sympathy  and  eager  protestations,  and  the 
blue-eyed  culprit,  upon  whom  remorse  rests  lightly, 
looks  cherubic  in  face  and  attitude.  Punishment 
which  would  crush  most  childish  hearts  disturbs  this 
happy-go-lucky  hardly  at  all.  Here  is  an  instance 
from  countless  such.  A  visit  to  the  toy-shops  is 
promised,  conditionally,  with  other  rosy  plans  for  a 
day's  amusement,  all  unusual,  and  considered  to- 
gether "great  treats."  Undisguised  rebellion,  follow- 
ing very  simple  admonitions,  prevents  the  little  ex- 
cursion. Does  Lord  Lawless  repine?  Not  he. 
"Never  mind,  mamma,  we  can  go  some  other  day !" 
This  is  all  he  expresses  of  regret  or  contrition,  and 
fresh  deeds  of  venture  are  planned  at  once. 

This  child  is  intelligent,  most  reasonable,  and  imita- 


74  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

live.  He  is  charmingly  well  behaved  when  no  es- 
pecial temptation  lures  him  from  the  path  of  rectitude. 
In  fact  he  may  be  a  Turveydrop  or  a  Topsy  at  will, 
and  how  to  guide  so  honest  a  little  sinner  is  very  puz- 
zling. No  deprivation  nor  mortification  affects  long 
this  dauntless  spirit,  and  alas!  "spanking"  seems  to 
be  the  only  effectual  means  of  impression.  After  a 
sorrowful  talk  from  papa,  who  very  reluctantly  pre- 
pares to  give  this  punishment,  the  little  fellow  meets 
his  doom  pluckily,  and  immediately  afterward  protests 
his  penitence  and  love  and  implores  forgiveness. 

For  a  day  following  almost  angelic  demeanor  is 
shown.  Pantry  doors  are  safely  left  unlocked.  The 
garden  is  not  found  too  small  for  feet  forbidden  to 
roam,  and  a  very  obedient,  happy  child  greets  tri- 
umphantly the  father,  who  has  hoped  much  from  the 
effect  of  his  chastisements. 

Twelve  hours  of  docility  pall  upon  the  restless  boy, 
and  once  more  he  is  on  mischief  bent.  What  can  be 
done  with  him?  Mischief  alone  is  not  a  deadly  sin, 
but  wilful  disobedience  long  continued  must  blunt  a 
child's  conscience.  His  mother  wishes  to  trust  the 
little  man,  but  out  of  her  sight  he  is  not  to  be  de- 
pended upon.  He  is  not  sly,  nor  is  he  deceitful ;  he 
simply  estimates  his  roguery  and  its  result,  and,  vogue 
la  galcre,  he  submits. 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  75 

WHEN   CHILDREN   RULE. 

I  am  not  a  patient  mother,  and  I  have  a  little  boy, 
twenty  months  old,  who  is  not  perfect  by  any  means, 
and  almost  constantly  in  mischief.  But  having  been 
an  auntie  before  I  was  a  mother,  I  learned  many 
things  about  little  ones'  ways  before  my  baby  came. 
One  truth  was  expressively  brought  out  by  my  little 
four-and-a-half -year-old  nephew,  when  his  mother  re- 
proved him  for  getting  into  so  much  mischief.  He 
said  very  plaintively,  "Well,  mamma,  I  must  do  some- 
thing" That  is  it  in  a  nutshell ;  babies  must  be  kept 
busy  or  they  will  find  mischief.  One  good  rule  for 
even  the  younger  babies  is :  never  take  anything  away 
from  them,  for  my  eyes  were  opened  to  the  apparently 
innocent  beginnings  by  an  older  sister,  the  mother  of 
two  children.  I  was  visiting  my  former  home  with 
my  little  boy,  twenty-one  months  of  age,  where  he  was 
surrounded  by  relatives  of  every  class,  who  were  all 
too  fondly  ready  to  humor,  pet,  and  consequently  spoil 
my  little  man.  It  was  the  custom  to  meet  together 
every  morning  in  the  family  sitting-room,  and  before 
going  to  breakfast  I  would  ask :  "Whom  does  Baby 
choose  this  morning  to  carry  him  downstairs?"  The 
little  fellow  would  stand  uncertain,  surrounded  by  the 
fond  grandpa  and  uncles,  each  with  outstretched  arms. 
It  was  indeed  "cunning"  to  see  him  make  a  feint  of 
going  to  his  grandpa,  and,  just  when  about  to  be 
caught  up,  whisk  about  and  fly  to  the  arms  of  one 
of  his  uncles. 


76  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

It  was  a  litttle  scene  we  all  enjoyed  every  morning, 
until  one  day  my  sister  said  to  me,  as  if  paving  a  way 
for  something  unpleasant:  "I  think  you  manage  your 
baby  remarkably  well,  but  you  will  not  object  to  a 
suggestion,  will  you  ?"  Fully  assured  upon  that  point, 
she  went  on:  "If  I  were  in  your  place  I  would  not 
let  my  baby  decide  each  morning  as  to  who  shall  carry 
him  down  to  breakfast.  It  is  very  cunning  to  see 
him,  but  I  think  it  would  be  far  better  for  you  to  take 
the  matter  in  your  own  hands,  and  tell  him  who  is 
to  carry  him  down,  and  let  him  abide  by  your  decision. 
You  think  the  matter  a  trifling  one,  no  doubt,  but  let 
me  give  you  a  little  of  my  experience  with  Mary  when 
she  was  a  year-and-a-half  old.  We  were  spending  a 
summer  in  the  country,  and  every  morning  after 
breakfast  I  walked  with  her  in  the  garden.  There 
were  paths  which  led  in  every  direction,  and  when  we 
came  to  a  turn  I  always  let  her  decide  which  way  we 
should  walk.  The  subject  was  an  unimportant  one, 
and  I  thought  if  it  gave  the  child  pleasure  she  might 
continue  to  do  so.  Upon  our  arrival  at  home,  how- 
ever, I  found  out  my  mistake.  She  at  once  began 
to  assert  herself  unpleasantly  in  many  ways,  and  be- 
came very  wilful  if  she  could  not  carry  her  point.  She 
had  found  it  pleasant  to  have  her  own  way  in  regard 
to  our  walks,  and  wanted  it  at  all  times.  Whenever 
there  was  a  point  at  issue  I  had  difficulty  with  her, 
and  had  I  not  been  very  firm  with  her  from  the  first 
my  trouble  with  her  would  have  continued  to  this 
day." 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  77 

It  is  hardly  necessary  to  state  that  next  morning 
my  baby  was  told  that  his  grandpa  would  carry  him 
down  to  breakfast.  He  looked  surprised,  but  went. 
Since  then  I  have  been  very  observing,  and  have  fre- 
quently noticed  the  mistakes  other  mothers  are  making 
in  this  line.  Not  long  ago  a  friend  called  upon  me 
with  her  little  child,  not  yet  two  years  of  age.  It  was 
not  long  before  the  child  became  restless  and  said  she 
wanted  to  go  home.  The  mother  said:  "O  darling, 
let  mamma  stay  a  little  longer,  please?"  "No,  I  want 
to  go  now,"  petulantly  exclaimed  the  child.  The  rest 
of  the  call  was  made  up  of  vain  pleadings  with  the 
child  for  permission  to  stay  a  little  longer;  but  it  was 
of  no  use,  and  off  they  went.  It  is  not  difficult  for  us 
to  see  where  the  fault  lay.  The  mother,  of  course, 
is  blind. 

I  have  heard  of  a  mother  who  wanted  to  spend  the 
day  with  some  friends,  but  before  she  could  accomplish 
the  setting-out  was  obliged  to  spend  some  time  teasing 
her  little  daughter  to  accompany  her.  Would  it  not 
be  more  kind  to  both  mother  and  children  to  take  upon 
ourselves  the  character  of  arbiter,  to  let  them  feel  that 
mother's  word  is  not  to  be  gainsaid,  that  she  is  wise 
and  knows  best  on  every  point?  If  we  do  not  begin 
wrong  and  teach  our  children  this  self-assertion  by 
appealing  to  them  concerning  every  little  thing  we  do 
for  them,  our  troubles  in  this  line  will  be  few.  If 
we  do  just  what  is  best,  without  saying  anything  to 
them  about  it,  our  law  will  never  be  questioned. 
"Mother  savs  so"  will  be  an  all-sufficient  reason. 


78  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD  TRAINING. 


A    MEDICAL    VIEW    OF    NURSERY    DISCI- 
PLINE. 

Not  long  ago  I  had  an  experience  that  awakened 
in  my  mind  a  train  of  thought  which,  though  not  in 
any  sense  new,  impressed  me  strongly.  In  the  prac- 
tice of  the  medical  profession  we  see  a  side  of  life 
which  is  not  so  prominent  from  any  other  standpoint. 
I  was  called  to  attend  a  child  of  eight  years  severely 
ill  with  that  most  deadly  and  contagious  disease,  diph- 
theria. In  the  treatment  of  this  malady  it  is  a  well- 
known  fact  that  the  expedients  for  relief  and  for  pro- 
motion of  recovery,  in  the  way  of  sprays,  gargles,  and 
kindred  applications,  are  as  multifold  as  they  are  val- 
uable. This  little  girl  had  been  allowed  her  own  sweet 
way  in  all  things,  and  now,  when  she  most  needed  to 
be  controlled,  she  was  absolutely  uncontrollable.  A 
request  to  open  the  mouth,  even,  was  answered  by 
an  outburst  of  passion;  medicine,  however  palatable, 
was  rejected ;  in  fact,  nothing  could  be  done  for  her 
relief,  unless  the  means  met  her  approval,  without  such 
a  struggle  as  to  exhaust  the  little  one,  and  so  the  bene- 
fit derived  from  the  treatment  was  nearly  or  quite  coun- 
ter-balanced by  the  fatigue  entailed.  Under  these  cir- 
cumstances, the  outcome  of  the  case  and  the  result  of 
the  treatment  can  be  easily  guessed  by  any  one  who  has 
had  any  experience  with  this  disease. 

Now,  parents,  don't  let  this  case  find  a  parallel  in 
your  family.  Deal  with  the  children  in  all  ways  as 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  79 

you  would  with  any  one  else  under  your  authority. 
Remember  that  a  slight  act  of  insubordination  to-day, 
unless  corrected,  is  sure  to  be  followed  by  greater 
and  more  flagrant  acts  to-morrow.  Long  before  a 
child  reaches  the  second  birthday  he  understands  the 
meaning  of  a  request  or  a  command  as  well  as  he  does 
at  twelve  years,  and  also  knows  with  tolerable  ac- 
curacy whether  it  is  safe  to  disobey  or  not.  We  all, 
old  and  young  together,  have  an  innate  desire  to  have 
our  own  way.  Civil  laws  which  are  not  enforced  are 
not,  as  a  rule,  obeyed,  and  it  is  an  undeniable  fact  that 
a  rule  unobserved  is  a  hindrance  to  good  government. 
If  we  do  not  obey  the  laws  of  the  land  when  they  do 
not  suit  our  convenience,  unless  compelled  to  do  so, 
can  we  expect  our  children  to  do  more  than  we  our- 
selves do?  How  often  I  have  heard  it  said  of  even 
small  boys,  "When  his  father  is  at  home  he  minds 
well  enough!"  Mothers,  do  not  think  you  are  doing 
a  kindness  to  your  boys  in  overlooking  their  shortcom- 
ings and  screening  their  misdeeds.  During  the  eigh- 
teen years  that  I  lived  with  my  parents,  with  a  single 
exception,  every  promise  made  me  by  either  of  them, 
whether  of  a  pair  of  skates  or  a  spanking,  was  fulfilled. 
And  that  one  exception,  though  certainly  excusable, 
was  so  unusual  an  event  that  I  remember  it  to  this 
day.  If  a  child  will  not  obey  when  in  health,  you 
may  be  sure  that  when  sick  he  will  do  no  better,  and 
the  time  is  then  unfavorable  to  begin  to  discipline  him ; 
yet  submission  at  these  times  in  some  cases  means  re-- 
covery,  while  rebellion  incurs  extreme  danger. 


So  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

Do  not  understand  me  that  I  advocate  frequent  and 
severe  punishments.  On  the  contrary.  If  the  trans- 
gressor is  SURE  to  suffer  the  penalty  of  his  acts,  the 
transgressions  will  rapidly  diminish. 

There  is  a  fascination  in  speculation.  The  child 
speculates  just  like  his  elders.  When  the  boy  tries 
to  see  just  how  near  the  edge  of  the  ice  he  can  skate 
he  is  speculating  on  the  strength  of  the  ice.  When  a 
little  larger  he  wants  to  know  just  how  much  rocking 
a  boat  will  stand  without  being  overturned,  and  when 
he  has  learned  the  exact  state  of  the  case  he  is  often 
wet  through.  Not  infrequently  children  try  to  learn 
the  exact  amount  of  patience  possessed  by  their  pa- 
rents. I  made  the  acquaintance  some  time  ago  of  a 
little  two-year-old  who  would  repeatedly  defy  author- 
ity until  punishment  was  imminent  and  then  desist,  but 
obey  just  in  time  to  escape  the  consequences  of  his 
misdeeds.  He  was  a  very  successful  little  speculator. 
He  would  run  the  risk  of  chastisement  as  long  as  he 
dared,  and  then,  as  sporting  men  say,  begin  to  "hedge," 
gambling  on  his  judgment  in  measuring  his  father's 
patience,  and  almost  invariably  was  correct  in  his  es- 
timate. 

Of  all  things,  don't  deceive  your  children,  for  they 
will  detect  you,  sooner  or  later,  just  as  certainly  as 
your  neighbor  would.  Don't  threaten  them  by  telling 
them  that  the  "rag-man"  or  the  "black-man,"  or  any 
other  man,  will  carry  them  off  if  they  do  not  obey. 
But  especially,  for  the  good  of  the  child,  do  not  tell 
him  that  "the  doctor  will  carry  him  off  in  his  bag." 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  8l 

You  would  wish  that  you  had  done  otherwise  when 
sickness  comes  and  the  physician  is  unable  to  approach 
the  child  without  terrifying  him,  thus  lessening  his  op- 
portunity of  treating  the  case  successfully.  If  you 
disregard  everything  I  have  thus  far  written,  this 
last  point  you  are  bound  to  observe  out  of  regard  to 
your  friends  and  associates.  Don't  make  contracts 
with  the  children  for  other  people  without  their  au- 
thority for  so  doing.  Many  times  mothers  have  said 
to  the  little  ones  during  my  professional  calls,  "Now, 
Johnny,  put  out  your  tongue  like  a  good  boy,  so  that 
the  doctor  can  see,  and  he  will  give  you  some  candy," 
when  there  was  no  candy  within  a  mile;  or,  "the  doc- 
tor will  give  you  a  ride  with  his  horse,"  when  the 
poor  child  might  be  too  ill  to  leave  his  bed.  If  you 
wish  to  be  known  to  your  children  as  a  liar  and  a 
cheat  no  one  can  prevent  you,  but  your  friends  may 
be  unwilling  to  be  a  party  to  your  deception.  It  makes 
me  feel  as  if  I  had  been  detected  in  a  dishonest  act 
when  the  little  innocent  looks  to  me  for  his  reward 
after  performing  his  part  of  the  contract. 


LAYING  WRONG  FOUNDATIONS. 

Last  evening,  as  I  walked  along  one  of  the  quiet 
streets  where  people  of  more  than  average  means  and 
culture  live,  my  attention  was  drawn  to  a  picturesque 
group  of  bright,  active  children  from  three  years  old 
upward,  playing  on  the  sidewalk.  As  is  always  the 


82  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

case  where  there  are  children  of  any  grade  or  condi- 
tion, the  scene  was  full  of  interest;  for  one  cannot 
forget  that  the  coming  man  or  woman  lies  in  every 
child,  and  that,  in  every  group  of  children,  is  the  soci- 
ety of  thirty  years  hence — good  or  not,  as  we  make 
it.  And  I  said  to  myself,  "Here  is  promise!  These 
children  look  as  if  they  were  understood  and  wisely 
cared  for."  And,  probably,  they  are  exceptionally 
favored  children.  The  parents  would  say,  and  think 
they  said  it  intelligently,  that  the  safety  of  the  indivi- 
dual and  of  the  nation  lies  in  education,  and  that  we 
are,  therefore,  justified  in  making  it  compulsory. 

But  what  do  we  mean  by  education?  And,  as 
fathers  and  mothers,  and  as  citizens,  how  do  we  relate 
ourselves  to  this  very  correct  theory?  What  founda- 
tion do  we  lay,  theoretically  or  practically,  for  securing 
the  high  ideal  we  all  have  as  the  result  of  a  complete 
education?  Our  inconsistencies  are,  indeed,  many  in 
this  respect,  and  grave  enough  to  make  all  the  differ- 
ence between  success  and  failure  in  the  lives  of  these 
children  who  are  supposed  to  be  so  entirely  educated 
at  the  public  schools. 

On  the  evening  mentioned,  I  saw  an  illustration  of 
the  preparation  we  give  that  may  be  duplicated,  in 
spirit,  in  every  street  in  the  city.  An  hour  later  I 
returned  through  the  same  street  and  lingered  a  few 
minutes  with  a  friend  opposite  where  I  had  seen  the 
children  at  play.  It  had  been  very  warm,  and  through* 
the  open  windows  I  could  hear  the  children  fretting 
with  the  oppressive  heat  as  they  were  being  put  to  bed 


PROBLEMS    OF    DISCIPLINE.  83 

by  their  nurses.  The  fathers  and  mothers  were  on 
the  steps  and  sidewalk  struggling  with  the  heat,  as 
were  the  little  ones  upstairs.  One  little  girl  of  two 
or  three  refused  to  be  quieted  by  the  nurse,  and  the 
mother  called  up  to  her  to  "bring  Tillie  down  and  put 
her  in  the  cellar  if  she  did  not  stop  crying."  Here 
were  three  mistakes,  and  one  sentence  expressed  them 
all..  There  was  entire  lack  of  sympathy  with  the 
child's  discomfort  fvihere  was  delegating  authority  to 
a  servant,  and  threatening  (which  is  never  wise  dis- 
cipline ).§a  cruel  punishment.  And  probably  there  was 
an  untruth,  for  the  mother  could  not  have  meant  to 
put  the  child  in  the  cellar  at  all. 

Scarcely  five  minutes  had  passed  when  another 
mother  called  up  to  her  baby  of  three  who  had  failed  to 
go  to  sleep:  "Mary,  there  is  a  policeman  down  here 
and  he  wants  to  know  what  that  dreadful  noise  is!" 
There  was  silence  immediately,  but  at  what  a  cost  to 
mother  and  child !  Each  of  these  mothers  was  edu- 
cating her  child  to  put  no  confidence  in  her  statements, 
and  this  education  was  the  more  emphatic  and  dan- 
gerous because  it  was  entering  unconsciously  into  the 
growing  life. 

Later,  when  the  full-grown  plant  of  disobedience 
confronts  these  mothers,  they  will  murmur  at  this 
"degenerate  age"  and  wonder  at  the  influence  of  "bad 
companions."  Perhaps  they  will  take  the  children  out 
of  the  public  school,  and  place  them,  at  great  expense, 
in  some  school  where  the  "influences  are  not  so  de- 
moralizing." Little  will  they  suspect  that  they  planted 


84  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

the  tiny  seed  with  their  own  hand,  far  back  in  the  baby 
life,  and  nourished  the  growing  plant  while  it  took 
deep  root  among  virtues  which  would  have  possessed 
the  ground  alone  but  for  this  unfortunate  planting. 
And  they  will  fail  to  find,  in  any  school  in  the  world, 
an  opportunity  to  undo  these  mistakes  of  their  own. 


II 

MORALS    AND    MANNERS 


DECEIVING  OUR  CHILDREN. 

I  Of  necessity  the  mother,  in  nine  instances  out  of  ten, 
forms  the  character  of  her  children.  If  a  child  cannot 
believe  his  mother,  whom  can  he  trust?  Yet  so 
few  of  us  are  perfectly  truthful  to  our  children  in  both 
"spirit"  and  "letter." 

Can  any  motive  in  deceiving — apparent  necessity, 
convenience,  or  even  a  desire  to  increase  pleasure  or 
spare  pain — compensate  for  the  injury  done  a  child  by 
loss  of  perfect  faith  in  his  mother?  He  is  sure  to 
discover  a  deception  sooner  or  later. 

How  often  a  mother  who  would  warmly  resent  an 
insinuation  that  she  is  untruthful  will  say:  "There 
is  no  more  candy  for  you,  Jamie,"  quieting  her  con- 
science with  the  letter  of  the  decree.  Next  day  when 
Jamie  sees  more  candy  taken  from  the  same  box  he 
remembers  the  "no  more  candy,"  but  does  not  realize 
the  force  of  "for  you,"  and — a  little  faith  in  mamma 
is  gone.  Or,  when  Baby  has  a  forbidden  treasure, 
mamma  says:  "Let  me  look  at  it,  dear;"  trustful 
Baby  allows  mamma  to  "look,"  and  the  prize  is  placed 
safe  out  of  reach.  It  is  doubtful  if  that  request  will 
be  so  readily  granted  next  time. 

A  few  days  ago,  upon  hearing  her  mother  relate  a 
startling  fact,  I  saw  an  expression  of  doubt,  instantly 
suppressed,  pass  over  the  mobile  face  of  a  bright  girl 
friend.  When  opportunity  offered  she  said:  "Do 


88  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

you  know  I  would  give  anything  I  can  think  of  if 
mamma  had  never  told  me  there  were  fairies  and  a 
Santa  Claus.  Until  I  was  a  great  girl  I  believed  in 
those  myths,  against  all  ridicule  and  reason,  solely 
upon  faith  in  her  assurances.  I  shall  never  forget 
the  shock  I  received  when  she  lightly  told  me  that  'such 
ideas  were  for  little  girls,'  and  I  was  now  old  enough 
to  'know  better.'  I  lost  then  what  I  can  never  re- 
gain— implicit  faith  in  mamma's  word.  If  she  says 
anything  surprising  that  horrible  doubt  of  its  truth 
always  flashes  over  me." 

A  lovely  mother,  one  whose  life  is  bound  up  in  her 
children,  said  to  her  eight-year-old  daughter:  "I 
would  not  be  a  little  girl  and  not  believe  in  elves  and 
fairies  for  anything;  it  is  one  of  the  greatest  delights 
of  being  a  little  girl.  Of  course  there  is  a  Santa 
Claus."  Marjorie's  trust  was  severely  taxed  last 
Christmas,  but,  though  she  cast  troubled  glances  at 
mamma,  the  beautiful  cable  of  perfect  trust  seemed 
able  to  bear  the  strain.  It  must  snap  some  day. 

In  most  instances,  as  in  this,  the  motive  in  such 
deceptions  is  purely  kindness,  the  idea  that  to  believe  in 
these  creations  of  fancy  adds  to  a  child's  enjoyment  of 
them.  Even  if  this  notion  were  true,  would  the 
pleasure  gained  pay  for  the  deception  practised?  I 
think,  however,  that  comparison  will  invariably  lead 
to  the  conclusion  that  children  who  laugh  most  merrily 
at  and  enjoy  most  heartily  Santa  Claus  with  his  pack 
and  bells  are  those  who  know  it  is  "all  for  fun ;"  and 
those  who  listen  with  keenest  zest  to  fairy  tales  are 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  89 

they  who  regard  them  as  flights  of  fancy.  As  flights 
of  fancy  such  stories  fulfil  their  mission. 

Free  play  of  imagination  should,  indeed  must,  form 
an  important  element  in  the  balanced  development  of 
every  mind.  Anything  but  Thomas  Gradgrind's :  "In 
this  life  we  want  nothing  but  Facts,  sir ;  nothing  but 
Facts !"  And  Dickens  graphically  shows  some  results 
of  that  system.  But  in  allowing  or  teaching  children 
to  believe  these  tales  written  to  feed  their  imagination 
we  defeat  their  very  object  and  utility. 

Another  form  of  deception  is  in  answers  to  ques- 
tions which  are  beyond  the  years  of  the  little  inquirers. 
Instead  of  saying,  "When  you  are  old  enough  to  un- 
derstand I  will  explain,"  so  many  mothers  silence  in- 
quiry with  palpably  silly  or  untrue  replies.  Such 
answers  are  a  positive  injury  to  children,  hurting  their 
pride  and  making  them  suspicious.  Their  keen  in- 
tuition detects  the  deceit,  though  unable  to  correct  it. 
We  know  how  we  feel  on  that  point,  and  we  are  only 
grown-up  children. 

It  is  not  necessary  to  hurt  their  self-respect  by  tell- 
ing them  that -"that  is  nothing  for  little  boys  and  girls 
to  know ;  children  should  not  be  too  inquisitive ;"  but 
simply  explain  that  when  they  have  learned  enough 
to  understand  it  you  will  tell  them.  I  think  any  child 
would  be  most  benefited  and  best  pleased  by  such  a 
reply. 

Two  little  boys  who  felt  too  manly  to  believe  in 
Santa  Claus  were  discussing  their  fear  in  the  dark. 
Both  had  been  afflicted  with  the  same  nurse  and  filled 


90  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

with  the  same  dread  though  intangible  terrors 
of  the  dark.  They  finally  decided  to  talk  it  over 
with  the  mammas.  One  came  from  the  interview  as 
brave  as  a  lion,  his  fears  removed;  the  other  very 
doubtful.  "Why  aren't  you  afraid  any  more?"  asked 
timid  Frank.  "Because  mamma  says  there  is  nothing 
to  be  afraid  of!"  was  the  beautiful  reply.  "So  does 
mine,"  said  Frank.  "Well,  don't  you  believe  her?" 
"Y-e-s,  I  suppose  so;  but — well,  she  told  me  there 
was  a  Santa  Glaus,  and  she  said  Dr.  Clarke  brought 
the  baby  in  his  pocket,  and  I  know  that's  not  so,  for 
he  hadn't  a  pocket  big  enough  to  carry  a  good-sized 
doll  in."  "My  mamma  says  the  way  God  makes 
babies  is  one  of  the  most  wonderfulest  things  there 
is,  and  when  I  get  big  enough  she  is  going  to  tell  me 
all  about  it."  Which  mother  was  wiser? 

One  little  girl  was  told  to  ask  the  doctor  when  she 
wondered  "how  Baby  got  here."  After  struggling 
with  her  shyness  for  days  and  finally  screwing  her 
courage  to  the  sticking  point,  she  propounded  the 
momentous  question.  WTith  a  most  exasperatingly 
patronizing  manner  the  doctor  told  her  that  "my  wife 
says  they  come  from  Heaven  in  a  raindrop."  She 
detested  that  doctor  ever  after. 

As  a  child,  the  most  distasteful  expressions  I  knew 
were :  "Little  children  should  not  ask  questions,"  and 
"Children  should  be  seen,  not  heard."  I  am  grateful 
that  these  former  axioms  are  now  almost  dead  letters. 
Children  learn  far  more  from  their  questions  than 
from  books. 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  91 

Many  of  their  queries  would  puzzle  sages,  and  to 
tell  them  the  truth  only  we  are  often  obliged  to  say, 
"I  do  not  know."  Though  some  of  us  may  dislike 
to  have  our  children  feel  that  mamma  does  not  know 
everything,  it  is  certainly  better  than  to  discourage 
their  natural  inquisitiveness  or  give  them  misleading 
replies. 

Would  that  the  children  of  all  of  us  might  say  from 
faith,  with  the  little  fellow:  "It  is  so,  for  ma  says 
so,  and  what  ma  says  is  so  if  it  ain't  so!" 


AROUND  THE  TABLE. 

In  these  times  of  extremes  it  may  be  that  the  chang- 
ing etiquette  of  the  table  receives  an  amount  of  thought 
and  consideration  better  bestowed  on  things  of  more 
real  importance.  It  is  perhaps  true  that  the  violation 
of  society  laws  affects  too  largely  the  social  standing 
of  an  offender.  A  mere  glance  at  the  host  of  books 
on  etiquette,  social  customs,  good  manners,  etc.,  gives 
an  inkling  of  this.  Yet  it  is  an  unalterable  fact  that 
the  apparently  trivial  details  of  courteous  social  inter- 
course are  and  must  be  an  -index  of  character,  and 
among  these  details  none  stamp  a  man  more  definitely 
than  those  concerning  his  table  conduct.  Nowhere 
can  the  effect  or  lack  of  early  training  be  more  readily 
remarked.  It  is  lamentable,  in  view  of  this,  to  observe 
how  little  thoughtful  attention  this  matter  receives 
from  otherwise  careful  parents.  Mothers,  particti- 


92  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

larly,  often  spend  hours  on  details  of  the  little  ward- 
robe— in  themselves  quite  trivial  and  unimportant — 
and  utterly  neglect  or  overlook  the  mistakes  and 
faulty  ways  at  table,  many  of  which  will  become  more 
pronounced  with  age.  It  is  an  error  to  suppose  that 
time  will  correct  these.  Time  does  not  correct  every- 
thing. An  observant  child  may,  as  it  grows  older, 
perceive  that  its  ways  are  not  those  sanctioned  by  good 
society,  and  will  perhaps  make  strong  efforts  to  acquire 
these,  but  the  indescribable  easy  grace  of  one  to  the 
manner  born,  which  never  slips  and  is  never  betrayed, 
is  something  derived  unconsciously  from  the  surround- 
ings of  childhood. 

It  falls  to  the  mother's  lot  chiefly  to  keep  watch  over 
the  individual  ways  of  the  little  people,  and  often  she 
is  led  into  one  of  two  errors  concerning  them;  a 
Scylla  and  a  Charybdis  are  ever  ready  to  engulf  her. 
If  she  take  thought  for  the  grown-up  members  of  her 
household,  she  will  perhaps  consign  the  children  dur- 
ing meal-times  to  the  care  of  a  servant,  and  expect 
them  to  acquire  neat,  dainty  ways  from  one  who  pos- 
sibly received  her  notions  of  the  fitness  of  things 
around  a  board  where  each  one,  armed  with  a  two- 
pronged  fork,  speared  his  potato  in  an  iron  pot,  and 
devoured  it  at  his  ease,  jacket  and  all.  It  is  unnec- 
essary to  describe  in  detail  the  unhealthy,  disagreeable 
habits  of  eating  in  vogue  at  some  kitchen  tables,  and 
these  are  the  ways  to  which  many  little  ones  fall  heir. 
There  are  no  doubt  nurses  and  servants  having  the 
natural  instincts  of  ladies,  who  would  lead  the  children 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  93 

into  correct  habits  as  carefully  as  a  parent  could,  but 
such  are  rare,  and  a  mother  should  see  for  herself 
that  certain  faults,  such  as  rapid  eating,  noisy  drink- 
ing, etc.,  faults  which  seem  to  belong  as  naturally  to 
childhood  as  to  kittenhood,  are  patiently  corrected. 

Again,  if,  to  avoid  the  risk  of  depending  upon 
others,  the  children  are  allowed  to  eat  at  the  table  with 
their  elders,  mother  often  bestows  so  much  attention 
upon  them  and  permits  their  wants  and  needs  to  trench 
so  largely  upon  the  comfort  of  those  about  them  that 
all  pleasure  and  repose  are  destroyed,  and  meal-times 
become  merely  wearisome  periods  of  unrest  and  con- 
fusion, to  be  endured  but  not  enjoyed.  Yet  if  man- 
aged rightly,  it  is  perhaps  the  very  best  way  for  both 
to  have  the  little  ones  sit  at  table  with  their  parents. 
If  made  comfortable,  provided  with  suitable  food  and 
occasional  quiet  directions,  they  can  have  many  ad- 
vantages of  which  they  would  otherwise  be  deprived. 

I  point  out  then,  merely  as  hints,  a  few  matters 
which  have  fallen  under  my  own  observation.  First, 
as  to  a  comfortable  chair.  Our  Dutch  grandfathers,  a 
hundred  years  ago,  settled  that  question  summarily  by 
dispensing  with  a  seat  altogether,  and  a  child  stood  by 
the  parental  board  until  he  had  attained  the  dignity  of 
years  befitting  a  chair.  That  was  an  uncomfortable 
error,  we  think,  of  those  Van  Hasbroucks  and  Van 
Ripers,  and  one  utterly  at  variance  with  the  feelings 
and  taste  of  their  opposites,  the  old  Greeks,  who 
pushed  their  love  of  ease  to  the  other  extreme,  and 
brought  their  couches  to  the  side  of  the  table.  We  of 


94  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

course  occupy  the  happy  mean — with  one  fault,  how- 
ever: our  dining  chairs  are  as  a  rule  of  one  height 
for  short  or  tall,  young  or  old,  and,  as  often  happens, 
are  quite  as  uncomfortable  on  this  account  for  grown- 
up people  as  they  must  be  for  little  ones.  For  these 
latter  I  have  often  had  a  keen  sympathy,  and  indeed 
it  is  quite  painful  to  witness  the  efforts  of  a  child  with 
its  chin  just  reaching  above  the  table,  or,  on  the  other 
hand,  with  its  knees  on  a  level  with  the  dish,  struggling 
to  convey  a  spoonful  of  liquid  from  the  bowl  to  its 
mouth  without  deluging  its  lap.  If  the  high-chair, 
then,  is  not  outgrown,  see  that  its  occupant  is  not  too 
high  above  the  plate  for  easy  use  of  spoon,  fork,  etc. ; 
or  if  an  ordinary  chair  be  used,  let  a  cushion  be  pro- 
vided to  fix  the  desired  height.  But  it  is,  in  any  case, 
wise  to  have  some  little  protection  for  the  table-cloth 
in  the  shape  of  an  extra  napkin,  or  a  daintily  worked 
piece  of  linen,  but  let  that  ancient  abomination,  a 
square  of  oil-cloth,  or  a  gaudily  painted  tin  tray,  be 
tabooed.  Hungry  children  are  not  over-sensitive  to 
coarseness  of  texture  and  crudeness  of  coloring,  I  ad- 
mit; yet  I  think  no  dinner  could  taste  perfectly  well 
served  so  untastefully. 

Then  if  there  be  special  china  for  the  little  one's  use, 
have  it  good  of  its  kind.  Do  not  think  that  anything 
bright  and  unbreakable  is  the  right  sort  of  thing  for 
a  child.  One  seldom  sees  nowadays  our  old-time  friend, 
the  gilded  mug,  with  its  unfailing  inscription,  "a  good 
child,"  or  the  plate  with  the  uninteresting,  badly  drawn 
monochrome  of  landscape  in  the  center,  but  there  are 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  95 

modern  perversions  of  form  and  taste  to  supplant  them, 
and  these  should  be  avoided.  If  attractive,  truthfully 
decorated  china  cannot  be  provided,  there  is  always 
good,  plain  white  ware,  which  is  at  least  harmless. 
Let  us,  whenever  we  can,  keep  our  children  from  con- 
tact with  the  false  in  art  as  in  everything  else. 

In  the  matter  of  neatness,  a  child's  pride  may  often 
be  made  an  efficient  help ;  or  perhaps  some  little  induce- 
ment be  offered  to  tempt  to  careful  ways.  I  remember 
hearing  of  one  family  where  after  each  dinner  the  little 
ones  were  given  a  penny  if  the  cloth  about  their  plates 
was  perfectly  clean,  and  were  required  to  forfeit  one 
for  every  spot  found  there.  This  plan,  however  good, 
I  must  confess  did  not  always  work  as  it  was  intended. 
On  one  occasion  a  visitor  observed  the  little  girl  rub- 
bing her  finger  softly  on  the  table-cloth.  "What  are 
you  doing,  dear?"  she  asked.  "Keep  still,  auntie,"  she 
answered,  "keep  still,  I'm  just  rubbing  two  spots  into 
one." 

Then,  as  to  the  food  itself,  there  is  always  needed 
some  careful  forethought  to  provide  enough  and  of  the 
right  sort  for  the  hungry  little  mouths.  Of  course  the 
menu  should  not  be  planned  solely  for  the  children,  but 
if,  as  often  happens,  some  of  the  dishes  served  are  for 
various  reasons  unfit  for  childish  digestions,  there  can 
be  some  suitable  substitute  provided.  I  think  that  is 
particularly  true  in  the  matter  of  dessert.  There  are 
many  things  included  in  this  course  which  a  child  is 
by  necessity  denied,  and  I  have  often  watched  with 
sympathetic  admiration  the  fortitude  which  was  exer- 


96  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

cised  to  master  the  overwhelming  disappointment  when 
something  of  a  very  attractive  appearance  was  set  aside 
as  "not  good  for  little  folks."  Some  harmless  dainty, 
if  but  a  bunch  of  grapes  or  an  orange,  might  have 
taken  the  place  of  the  indigestible  compound,  and  the 
disappointed  little  soul  been  made  happy.  Do  not 
think  I  make  too  much  of  the  pleasure  of  eating:  I 
merely  look  at  it  from  the  standpoint  of  a  child,  who 
lives  in  its  joys  and  sorrows  rather  more  intensely  than 
we  older  folks  do.  To  a  child  few  things  count  for 
trifles. 

Last  and  most  important,  the  ways  of  the  child  it- 
self— the  reverent  quiet  during  grace,  the  polite  answer, 
the  right  use  of  fork  and  knife,  spoon,  glass,  bowl,  etc., 
the  manner  of  masticating  the  food,  the  part  he  should 
take  in  the  conversation — all  these  are  matters  over 
which  a  mother  must  keep  constant  guard  for  at  least 
three  or  four  years  and  often  much  longer.  But  what- 
ever correction  has  to  be  made,  let  it  be  done  unob- 
trusively, particularly  when  others  are  present.  No 
one,  least  of  all  a  parent,  would  willlingly  wound  the 
childish  sensitiveness,  which,  after  all,  is  infinitely  more 
precious  than  faultless  manners  and  dainty  ways. 


THE   MORAL  TONE   OF  A   CHILD. 

The  father  of  a  bright  little  boy  of  five  years  was 
surprised  one  day,  as  they  were  taking  a  walk  to- 
gether, by  the  child's  saying  gravely,  after  a  long  and 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  97 

unusual  silence :  "Papa,  I  don't  know  but  I  ought  to 
offer  up  my  mamma!" 

"Offer  up  your  mamma,  my  son !  What  do  you 
mean?" 

When  thus  asked  to  explain  himself,  with  a  manner 
that  indicated  the  relief  it  was  to  ease  his  full  heart, 
the  child  told  of  the  doubts  or  perplexities  which  had 
beset  him  since  one  Sunday,  two  weeks  before,  his 
Sunday-school  teacher  had  dwelt  with  fervor  upon 
Abraham's  sacrifice  of  Isaac.  It  had  seemed  to  the 
bewildered  little  boy  that  to  please  God  by  offering  up 
the  mamma  he  loved  and  depended  on,  and  never  lost 
sight  of  if  he  could  help  it,  would  be  an  act  worthy 
of  his  performance. 

He  was  doubtless  a  peculiarly  ambitious  boy.  He 
had  told  his  mamma  one  day  that  he  intended  to  be 
so  much  better  than  Jesus  that  the  people  would  love 
and  worship  him,  instead  of  Jesus,  after  he  got  to  be 
a  man. 

A  child  like  this,  whose  confidence  in  his  mother  is 
absolute,  so  that  he  may  be  said  to  think  aloud  to  her, 
gives  insight  into  the  mind.  There  is  a  readiness  to 
accept  statements,  and  yet  at  the  same  time  to  ponder 
over  them  and  adapt  them  to  their  own  use ;  to  make 
practical  the  ideas  and  theories  of  teachers,  which 
should  be  borne  in  mind  by  those  dealing  with  children. 
The  tendency  of  children  to  dwell  upon  the  notion  of 
God  springs  undoubtedly  out  of  the  attraction  they 
feel  for  all  that  is  mysterious.  All  observing  parents 
have  noticed  with  interest,  and  in  some  cases  with 


98  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

alarm,  the  fascination  children  find  in  the  thought  of 
the  omnipresence  of  God.  This  is  expressed  by  the 
little  boy  who  said  that  he  did  wish  God  wasn't  always 
around  seeing  everything,  and  by  the  girl  of  four,  who, 
vexed  with  her  dog  for  following  her  after  he  had 
been  sent  back  several  times,  gave  utterance  to  this 
withering  remark:  "It  is  bad  enough  to  have  God 
always  tagging  around,  without  having  you!"  Still 
another  little  boy  expressed  this  same  feeling  by  say- 
ing to  his  mother  in  a  whisper,  after  he  was  in  bed: 
"If  God  keeps  being  around  so,  I  shall  send  a  police- 
man after  him." 

These  children  have  not  been  taught  to  look  upon 
God  as  a  bug-a-boo,  but  have  developed  the  notion 
from  being  taught  to  pray  to  Him  as  a  loving  Father. 
There  is,  however,  nothing  in  this  interest  in  these 
conceptions  which  has  much  effect  upon  the  real  life 
of  the  child;  it  does  not  seem  to  bear  much  relation 
to  his  acts ;  and  if  from  it  we  infer  that  he  has  a  clear 
perception  of  right,  we  will  wrong  him.  Herbert 
Spencer  says  that  all  parents  and  teachers  should  guard 
against  a  tendency  to  demand  too  high  a  moral  tone 
in  a  child.  We  must  not  expect  his  acts  to  conform 
to  a  high  standard  until  his  moral  nature  is  developed 
and  cultivated.  Upon  this  point  all  philosophers  agree 
— Spencer,  who,  with  Darwin,  has  studied  the  English 
child ;  M.  Perez,  who  has  observed  the  French  child 
with  minuteness — all  agree  with  that  older  student  of 
human  nature  whose  statement  that  the  heart  is  desper- 
ately wicked  has  never  been  successfully  controverted. 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  99 

To  feel,  then,  that  our  children,  in  committing 
naughty  acts,  are  straying  away  from  goodness,  are 
losing  some  fine  qualities  which  they  brought  into  the 
world  with  them,  are  detaching  those  "trailing  clouds 
of  glory,"  which  the  poet's  eye,  not  the  mother's,  sees 
clinging  to  them,  at  their  advent  into  this  world,  is 
far  wide  of  the  truth. 

"Our  child,"  says  the  German  philosopher,  Rosen- 
kranz,  "is  only  a  possibility  capable  of  growth  in  all 
directions."  And  Tolstoi  makes  Dolly,  a  Russian 
mother,  say:  "You  speak  of  the  moral  training;  you 
can't  imagine  how  hard  it  is ;  just  as  soon  as  you  have 
conquered  one  crop  of  weeds,  others  spring  up  and 
there  is  always  a  fight." 

"Do  you  know,"  said  a  young  mother,  the  other  day, 
"I  am  afraid  the  baby  has  a  terribly  selfish  disposition, 
he  is  really  selfish!"  She  had  yet  to  learn  that  it 
would  be  impossible  for  him  to  be  anything  else,  for 
some  time;  that  selfishness  like  a  rough  and  thorny 
hedge  protects  the  individuality  of  each  soul.  I  Because 
the  moral  nature  is  undeveloped,  we  are  not  to  be 
discouraged  if  the  child  is  actuated  by  the  lower,  when 
there  are  two  motives  for  action.  For  example:  if  a 
boy  refrains  from  retaliating  when  stones  are  thrown 
at  him,  because  he  is  likely  to  be  punished  at  home 
for  it,  instead  of  from  the  purely  moral  reason  that 
it  is  wrong  to  throw  stones,  a  gain  is  made.  He  has 
refrained,  and  has  controlled  himself  to  that  extent. 
This  is  one  step,  and  possibly  not  a  short  one,  in  hh 
upward  progress  in  morals. 


100  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

A  philosophic  study  of  childhood  is  not  only  a 
delight  to  the  intellect,  but  is  a  sustaining  power  in 
the  heart.  It  becomes  an  incentive  to  patience  and 
to  hope  amounting  to  an  inspiration.  The  old  cat  who 
cherishes  with  a  beautiful  devotion  her  family  of  blind 
kittens,  has  never  been  seen  to  manifest  impatience 
with  them  because  of  their  blindness.  She  waits  with 
a  placid  wisdom  worthy  of  our  thoughts  until  day 
dawn  for  them  also. 

That  children  sometimes  know  that  what  they  do 
is  wrong,  is  of  course  true,  but  let  any  reflecting  mother 
speak  candidly,  and  she  will  tell  you — if  she  has  coun- 
seled, as  she  ought,  with  her  memory — that  she  has 
condemned  in  her  own  children  acts  which  she  her- 
self, as  a  child,  committed,  unconscious  of  their  of- 
fensive qualities.  Take  this  most  common  practice 
of  childhood :  taking  advantage  of  mother  when  she 
has  visitors.  She  used  to  do  it  herself,  and  she  knows 
that  the  one  feeling  that  filled  her  mind  was  an  urgent 
and  unquenchable  desire.  She  saw  that  circumstances 
rendered  it  possible  to  gratify  it,  and  so  she  asked  for 
what  she  knew  would,  under  ordinary  conditions,  be 
denied.  In  her  own  children  she  thinks  it  a  lack  of 
respect  and  even  of  affection,  but  in  herself  as  a  child 
she  knows  it  was  not.  It  was  wrong,  but  not  so 
wrong  as  it  appears;  just  as  the  breaking  into  the 
conversation,  and  trying  to  show  off  pretty  little  ways 
which  have  been  laughed  at  and  admired,  may  not 
spring  from  wholly  wrong  motives,  and  ought  not 
to  be  so  considered. 


;  MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  IOI 

To  keep  the  thought  in  mind  that  the  moral  plane 
of  the  child  is  distinct  and  different  from  that  of  the 
mature  man  and  woman  must  certainly  help  parents 
to  exercise  tenderness,  which,  however,  need  not  in- 
terfere with  the  dictates  of  common  $ence. 


HOW  TO  DEAL  WITH  THE  C 
OF  OUR  NEIGHBORS. 

I  flatter  myself  that  I  have  solved  satisfactorily  the 
problem  of  how  to  deal  with  the  children  of  neighbors 
so  as  to  avoid  annoyances. 

In  the  first  place,  I  go  on  the  principle  that  while 
the  children  of  neighbors  are  playing  on  my  premises, 
without  their  parents,  they  must  obey  me  exactly  as 
my  own  child  does.  Experience  has  taught  me  that 
they  will  mind  what  is  said  to  them,  if  you  will  only 
speak  to  them  as  firmly  as  you  would  to  your  own  child 
who  might  be  transgressing  in  a  similar  manner. 

If  the  parents  are  with  the  children  it  is  quite  a 
different  matter.  I  remember  one  occasion  on  which 
two  little  girls  of  a  neighbor  were  playing  here  very 
quietly  with  my  little  boy,  when,  presently,  their 
mother  came  to  call  upon  me.  During  the  half  hour 
that  she  stayed  her  little  ones  acted  about  as  badly 
as  they  could,  and  as  they  never  before  had  acted 
when  in  my  house.  They  raced  through  the  house, 
slamming  doors  after  them,  ran  between  their  mother 
and  me,  and  made  so  much  disturbance  that  we  could 


102  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

hardly  hear  ourselves  speak;  and  yet,  beyond  saying 
in  a  despondent  tone  that  she  "did  not  know  what 
did  make  the  children  act  so,"  the  mother  made  no 
effectual  effort  to  restrain  their  lawless  conduct.  Had 
any  or*.e,e$sje<;j3£en  the  visitor  I  would  have  sent  them 
from  the  room  without  any  compunctions,  but  I  felt 
-that  if.tfteir  mother  could  endure  such  behavior  I  had 
no  right  to  interfere. 

I  find  that  I  can  force  obedience  on  my  domain 
even  from  children  who  are  in  the  habit  of  doing 
pretty  much  as  they  please  at  home.  But  I  will  say 
that  I  did  not  begin  in  this  way.  At  first  I  was  as 
timorous  about  reproving  other  people's  children  as 
any  one  could  be,  but  I  soon  found  that  I  should  be 
completely  at  the  mercy  of  the  young  tormentors  if 
I  should  let  that  continue;  and  so  I  took  a  decided 
stand,  and  since  then  have  had  but  little  trouble. 

And  yet  I  can  recall  only  one  instance  when  1  actu- 
ally sent  a  child  home,  and  that  was  a  little  girl  who 
had  the  whooping-cough,  from  which  I  was  sedulously 
guarding  my  boy.  But  I  have  often  managed  in  such 
a  way  that  the  children  have  gone  voluntarily,  and  that 
without  feeling  in  the  least  hurt,  although  a  few  min- 
utes before  they  might  not  have  thought  of  leaving. 
To  illustrate:  my  little  boy  has  so  many  admiring 
relatives  that  he  rejoices  in  a  large  number  of  hand- 
some toys  and  picture-books.  Most  of  his  playma:es 
are  from  two  to  five  years  older  than  himself  (he  is 
only  three),  and  I  have  often  noticed  a  tendency  in 
them  to  come  here  not  for  the  sake  of  John,  but  on 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  103 

account  of  his  possessions.  I  do  not  object  to  this 
in  the  least,  as  long  as  peace  reigns  among  them ;  but 
if,  by  reason  of  their  neglect,  my  little  one  becomes 
fretful  and  unhappy,  I  feel  that  an  injustice  is  done 
him,  and  I  have  a  very  simple  way  of  adjusting  the 
difficulty. 

If  it  is  a  pleasant  day  I  send  the  visitors  all  out-of- 
doors;  if  not,  then  into  another  room  to  play,  thus 
parting  them  from  the  fascinating  playthings.  Under 
these  circumstances  they  will  either  be  contented  with 
something  which  will  amuse  them  all  equally,  or  else 
will  go  quietly  home  without  a  suspicion  that  I  have 
wanted  them  to  do  that  very  thing.  Again,  if  they 
linger  when  it  is  time  for  John  to  eat  his  early  supper, 
I  say:  "Now,  dear,  say  good-night  to  your  little 
friends  and  ask  them  to  come  again  to-morrow."  Al- 
though this  is  a  practical  dismissal,  it  does  not  hurt 
their  feelings  as  they  would  be  hurt  if  I  should  say 
bluntly:  "Now,  children,  it  is  time  for  you  to  go 
home." 

My  most  sensible  neighbor  limits  her  little  daughter 
as  to  time  when  she  lets  her  go  anywhere,  and  this 
child  will  say  when  she  first  enters  the  house: 
"Mamma  says  I  may  stay  an  hour."  And  when  the 
hour  is  passed  she  expects  to  be  told  of  it.  I  commend 
this  practice  to  the  mothers  of  all  children  who  are 
old  enough  to  go  visiting  without  their  parents. 

I  was  once  tried  with  a  regular  "Paul  Pry,"  but 
she  is  cured  now,  since  I  have  kindly  but  firmly  re- 
fused to  let  her  into  rooms  or  closets  where  I  may 


104 


OUR    SUCCESS    IX    CHILD-TRAINING. 


be  working  while  she  is  around.  As  to  the  parlor,  I 
never  allow  my  little  boy  to  take  his  company  there, 
although  he  enters  it  freely  when  alone,  for  he  has 
been  trained  not  to  touch  the  pretty  things  which  it 
contains.  If  little  visitors  go  in  there  of  their  own 
accord,  I  quietly  call  them  out.  A  child  who  is  rude 
enough  to  do  such  a  thing  will  not  have  its  dignity 
much  offended  by  a  rebuke. 

Occasionally  mothers  have  said  to  me:  "I  hope 
that  my  children  do  not  trouble  you.  They  like  to 
play  with  your  little  boy  and  I  trust  you  to  send  them 
home  when  you  are  tired  of  them."  I  invariably 
answer  them  that  I  do  not  mind  their  coming  at  all 
as  long  as  they  will  obey  me  while  in  my  house. 

If  after  that  a  mother  should  be  offended  at  me 
because  I  had  taken  her  at  her  word,  I  should  simply 
consider  her  too  inconsistent  to  be  worth  minding. 
But  as  a  matter  of  fact  I  have  never  had  a  dispute 
with  a  neighbor  on  any  subject,  and  as  the  children 
continue  to  flock  here,  1  conclude  that  the  parents  can- 
not consider  them  much  abused. 


THE    EARLY    FORMATION    OF    REGULAR 
HABITS. 

The  little  people  come  into  the  world  in  utter  igno- 
rance ;  and  why,  since  they  must  learn  one  way,  should 
we  not  teach  them  the  right  way,  the  way  most  con- 
ducive to  their  good  and  our  mutual  comfort?  Why 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  105 

teach  them  a  hard  way,  a  wrong  way,  and  then  give 
them  and  ourselves  the  trouble  of  "breaking  them  in" 
afterward?  A  responsibility  rests  on  the  parents' 
shoulders  that  is  worthy  of  thought. 

The  first  day  of  their  lives  is  none  too  soon  to 
lay  them  down  awake  and  let  them  fall  asleep  when 
they  get  ready;  the  first  day  is  none  too  soon  to  feed 
them  at  regular  hours,  or  to  begin  to  establish  any 
good  habit.  It  will  be  the  work  not  of  one  day  but  of 
many;  but  let  us  take  care  never  to  teach  them  any- 
thing they  will  have  to  unlearn,  f  Habits  are  much 
easier  to  form  than  to  break.") The  great  point  will 
be  for  us  to  keep  firmly  on  in  tne  good  way,  and  there 
can  be  little  doubt  that  our  cares  will  be  greatly  les- 
sened thereby.  It  is  not  severe  treatment,  because  the 
children  know  nothing  else,  and  because  they  are 
spared  many  trials  and  sufferings  consequent  on  over- 
indulgence in  any  way. 

Do  not  keep  the  children  away  from  the  family 
table.  Better  spoil  the  table-cloth  and  break  a  plate 
than  spoil  the  children.  They  soon  learn.  Many 
good  habits  may  be  established  without  their  con- 
sciously performing  any  task — punctuality,  by  having 
to  be  always  ready  when  "Bessie  rings  the  bell ;"  neat- 
ness, by  having  to  be  neatly  dressed,  with  hair  nicely 
brushed,  and  by  having  hands  always  washed  after 
a  meal  before  being  allowed  to  play ;  deference,  by  not 
being  allowed  to  interrupt  conversation,  at  the  same 
time  taking  part  in  it.  It  will  strengthen  the  family 
bond,  and  surely  there  should  be  no  safer  place  for 


Io6  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TKAINING. 

them  than  with  their  parents.  Let  us  remember  that 
"example  is  better  than  precept;"  the  little  imitators 
will  learn  much  more  readily  and  effectually  what 
they  see  us  do  than  what  we  tell  them  to  do. 


SHARP  AND   FORWARD   CHILDREN. 

If  in  the  former  days  of  New  England  children  were 
repressed  and  kept  in  the  background,  surely  to-day 
that  objection  cannot  be  brought  forward.  On  the 
other  hand,  our  children  East  and  West  are  nowadays 
encouraged  to  "speak  their  minds,"  their  opinions  are 
listened  to,  and  often  their  advice  asked,  as  if  their 
experience  were  fully  equal,  if  not  superior,  to  that 
of  their  elders.  While  the  former  method  had  its 
serious  drawbacks,  our  modern  custom  certainly  has 
its  disadvantages. 

The  pretty  little  golden-haired  girl  toward  whom 
your  heart  inclines,  as  she  enters  your  friend's  sitting- 
room,  fresh  from  her  bath,  rather  checks  your  ardor 
when  in  answer  to  your  "How  do  you  do,  my  dear?" 
she  answers,  "I  don't  do  at  all,  but  I  feel  pretty  well," 
and  nods  her  head  and  looks  at  you  as  if  waiting  for 
your  applauding  laugh.  The  mother  says  reproach- 
fully, "Why,  child !"  but  smiles  approvingly. 

The  little  boy  of  another  acquaintance  is  reading. 
You  ask  him  if  he  is  fond  of  stories,  and  remember- 
ing your  own  delight  in  certain  famous  books,  mention 
them.  "Oh!  they're  rather  nice" — patronizingly — 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  107 

"but  he  made  two  or  three  mistakes  I  noticed;"  or, 
"That  book  I  liked  rather  well,  but  the  last  half  has 
too  little  adventure,  and  the  hero  grows  rather  stale 
on  your  hands."  You  open  your  eyes,  and  have  some 
curiosity  to  know  what  book  the  boy  does  like.  You 
ask  rather  timidly  in  regard  to  this,  that,  and  the 
other,  but  all  have  their  faults  and  drawbacks,  and  are 
dissected  coolly  and  critically.  The  mother,  who  en- 
ters before  you  are  through,  says :  "Yes,  Stephen  is 
so  quick  to  see  all  defects  in  the  books  that  he  reads ; 
his  teacher  says  it  is  very  remarkable  in  so  young  a 
boy,  and  shows  unusual  quickness  of  perception." 
You  say  nothing,  but  the  thought  will  intrude  itself, 
is  not  the  loss  of  warm  enthusiasm  and  keen  delight 
over  a  book  and  author  something?  Will  such  pre- 
cociousness  make  up  for  this  loss  ?  We  remember  that 
even  the  great  Macaulay  dearly  loved  certain  not  very 
fine  works  of  fiction,  and  could  not  see  their  faults. 
It  rather  comforts  us  to  think  of  this.  We  remember 
how  our  childish  heart  glowed  over  some  noble  action, 
and  how  we  longed  to  be  better  ourselves  after  reading 
of  it. 

A  child  of  an  acquaintance  of  the  writer  sat  in  the 
room  during  a  call.  After  the  visitor  left  the  child 
said  immediately:  "That  lady  made  one  mistake  in 
grammar  while  she  sat  there,  and  mispronounced  two 
words,"  quoting  them.  The  same  evening  she  over- 
hears her  mother  saying  to  the  father :  "It  is  remark- 
able how  Elsie  notices  mistakes  in  language;  it  seems 
to  jar  upon  her  sensitive  ear  as  discords  affect  a 


IOS  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

musician."  The  child  fancies  herself  at  once  an  excep- 
tion and  marvel,  and  prides  herself  upon  it  accordingly. 
How  much  better  if  that  mother  had  said  to  the  child 
after  her  criticism  upon  her  caller:  "Yes;  but,  my 
dear,  is  that  all  you  noticed?  Just  think  of  failing 
to  hear  that  beautiful  account  Mrs.  Clare  gave  of  her 
trip  down  the  St.  Lawrence,  and  of  the  wonderful  work 
of  the  Children's  Aid  Society.  You  see  you  only  half 
heard  these,  and  they  were  worth  many  little  slips  in 
language,  however  important  they  may  be." 

We  remember,  too,  the  little  child  who,  amid  a 
chorus  of  admiring  relatives  urging  him  on,  goes  the 
length  of  calling  his  grandfather  an  extremely  offen- 
sive nickname.  The  mother  exclaims :  "O  Freddy !" 
in  a  shocked  voice,  but  Freddy  hears  mamma  and 
aunts  repeating  it  to  callers  next  day  amid  peals  of 
laughter.  Freddy  thinks  that  he  is  an  extremely 
bright  boy,  and  longs  for  another  opportunity  of  dis- 
playing his  smart  speeches. 

The  young  girl  from  school  enters  the  parlor  as 
you  and  the  mother  are  discussing  matters  of  keen 
interest  to  you.  Laura  seats  herself,  after  bestowing 
on  you  a  good-humored  nod  of  recognition,  and  im- 
mediately joins  in  the  conversation.  If  she  interrupts 
you,  no  matter.  Her  mother  turns  to  her  and  waits 
to  hear  her  opinion  first.  It  gives  the  girl  ease  in 
conversation ;  and  timid  girls  are  so  awkward  and  un- 
interesting! Your  talk  is  interrupted,  and  your  little 
chat  with  your  friend  is  spoiled. 

Then  there  is  the  child  on  the  street-car  and  railway- 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  109 

train,  showing  off  for  the  benefit  of  the  passengers ;  and 
this  is  not  always  the  child  of  vulgar,  common  people, 
but  of  the  so-called  "upper  classes."  And  as  a  rule 
its  efforts  are  not  checked,  but  encouraged  by  a  sweet 
smile. 

Nothing  can  be,  nothing  is,  lovelier  than  bright,  nat- 
ural, even  if  faulty,  children;  but  do  not  let  us  en- 
courage them  to  be  sharp  and  pert.  Very  few  Young 
Americans  need  such  encouragement.  Rather  do  they 
need  the  restraint  and  wholesome  neglect  of  mother 
and  friends.  Thus,  without  being  a  whit  less  bright 
and  observing,  they  may  gain  the  grace  of  modesty, 
and  the  unconsciousness  than  which  nothing  is  more 
charming  and  attractive. 


BABIES   AT   PUBLIC   MEETINGS. 

I  should  like  to  say  a  word  on  the  impropriety  of 
taking  young  children  to  public  meetings  and  assem- 
blies not  especially  intended  for  little  folks ;  and,  lest 
I.  should  say  too  much,  I  will  merely  give  an  experi- 
ence of  mine  last  summer. 

I  then  attended  an  out-door  meeting  of  considerable 
interest  and  importance,  where  several  .prominent  gen- 
tlemen were  to  speak,  and,  being  awarded  a  seat  near 
the  platform,  settled  myself  for  an  afternoon's  enjoy- 
ment. But  I  "reckoned  without  my  host,"  for  a  short 
distance  from  me  sat  a  lady  with  a  child  of  about  two 
and  a  half  years ;  directly  behind  her  was  a  boy  of  about 


{10  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

the  same  age,  while  a  few  seats  further  back  was  a 
babe  of  perhaps  fifteen  months.  The  day  was  warm 
and  the  large  audience  was  for  the  most  part  unshaded, 
except  by  umbrellas ;  so  it  was  not  surprising  that  these 
children  were  soon  hot,  tired,  and  restless.  The  little 
one  nearest  me  was  an  incessant  talker,  and  all  her 
mother's  commands,  added  to  the  black  looks  of  the 
persons  within  earshot,  did  not  serve  to  still  the  tongue, 
which  prattled  on  unweariedly.  Presently  the  boy  be- 
gan. He  was  "tired"  and  wanted  "to  go  home;"  and 
the  poor  baby  joined  in  the  chorus,  fretted  and  fussed, 
was  handed  from  mother  to  father  and  back  again, 
promised  unlimited  supplies  of  cake  and  ice-cream  if 
she  would  be  "good,"  but  without  avail,  until  at  last 
the  pitiful  whine  degenerated  into  a  regular  scream, 
and  baby  was  carried  off  on  papa's  arms,  with  "Come, 
get  a  'nana,"  and  the  mamma's  stage  whisper  following 
them,  "Don't  think  of  giving  her  one."  By  this  time 
the  services  were  nearly  over.  I  had  strained  every 
nerve  in  my  effort  to  hear,  and  heard  only  enough  to 
tell  me  what  I  was  missing;  while  the  annoyed  faces 
around,  and  the  comments  I  heard  as  I  passed  out,  told 
plainly  enough  what  others  besides  myself  had  experi- 
enced. 

Now,  why  could  not  these  children  have  been  left 
at  home ;  or,  if  there  was  no  one  with  whom  they  could 
be  safely  left,  would  it  not  have  been  better,  more  con- 
siderate at  least,  for  the  mothers  to  have  also  stayed 
at  home  than  to  have  spoiled  the  afternoon's  pleasure 
of  a  number  of  people?  And  surely  parents  cannot 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  Ill 

feel  very  comfortable  in  seeing  their  little  ones  a  source 
of  trouble  and  annoyance  to  their  neighbors,  whether 
they  be  friends  or  strangers. 


RELIGIOUS    EDUCATION    OF    CHILDREN. 

That  the  children  of  many  pious  parents  fall  away 
from  the  beliefs  and  even  from  the  morals  taught  in 
their  childhood  homes  is  too  commonly  known  to  be 
contradicted.  It  is  often  said  that  a  minister's  son  is 
usually  wild,  and  not  long  since  a  discouraged  mother 
remarked :  "The  woman  with  no  children  ought  to  be 
thankful.  It  seems  as  though  the  children  who  have 
been  taken  the  most  pains  with  were  most  ungrateful." 
Her  son  had  disgraced  his  family  by  the  vilest  dissipa- 
tion and  ended  his  home  career  by  an  escapade  that 
took  him  into  the  far  West  to  hide  himself.  I  have 
heard  many  wonder  about  this  boy.  He  was  always 
sent  to  Sunday-school  and  taken  to  prayer-meeting 
when  he  was  yet  small  enough  to  be  controlled.  And 
all  the  strictest  denominational  discipline  was  brought 
to  bear  on  his  rearing. 

Some  who  view  this  sort  of  ruin  after  a  similar  fam- 
ily history  say  at  once  that  it  is  the  natural  outcome  of 
repression;  that  they  who  have  cards  and  dancing  at 
home,  they  whose  families  have  liberty  to  come  and 
go,  will  not  by  and  by  suffer  from  the  antics  of  the 
children  who  violently  break  away  to  freedom.  It  is 
well  for  the  world  that  besides  those  who  advocate  the 


112  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

encouragement  of  indulgence,  believing  that  "like  cures 
like"  even  if  given  in  allopathic  doses,  and  those  who 
make  child  life  distasteful  and  irksome  through  re- 
straint and  unyielding  opinion,  there  are  others  who 
add  good  judgment  to  good  intention,  and  so  rear  good 
citizens.  "The  worst  punishments  in  life  are  the  pun- 
ishments for  ignorance/'  and  these  punishments  bow 
down  many  a  loving  parent,  and  are  visited  upon 
children  even  to  the  third  and  fourth  generation. 

In  spite  of  "black  sheep,"  it  can  never  be  true  that 
the  children  who  "are  taken  the  most  pains  with"  do 
not  repay  it.  There  would  be  no  hope  in  life  for  a 
mother  if  this  were  so.  On  the  contrary,  the  child  re- 
ligiously educated  may  have  his  future  pretty  surely 
forecast.  The  promise  is  to  us  and  to  our  children. 

The  trouble  seems  to  be  that  there  is  a  misapprehen- 
sion as  to  what  religious  education  is.  Countless  num- 
bers who  have  been  from  infancy  familiar  with  church 
services  in  every  form,  and  with  family  worship  also, 
have  no  religious  education.  Christian  training  in- 
cludes these  things,  but  it  is  not  complete  without  other 
helps.  Even  the  addition  of  much  Scripture,  though 
in  the  Scriptures  we  think  we  have  eternal  life,  v/ill  not 
complete  it.  The  most  dangerous  infidels  can  quote 
Scripture  enough  to  confound  the  faith  of  many.  Only 
the  right  food,  assimilated,  gives  strength  to  the  body. 
Only  the  right  food,  assimilated,  gives  religious 
strength  to  the  character.  The  fruit  of  the  Spirit  is 
love,  joy,  peace,  long-suffering,  gentleness,  goodness, 
faith,  meekness,  temperance.  No  amount  of  teaching 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  113 

that  produces  not  this  fruit  is  toward  religious  edu- 
cation. 

I     It  is  usually  the  mother  on  whom  the  child  depends 

i  for  the  upbuilding  of  moral  character.     What,  then, 

'  shall  the  mother  do  ?     Scores  of  maxims   spring  to 

mind — "Line  upon  line,  precept  upon  precept;"  "here 

a  little,  there  a  little ;"  "example  is  better  than  precept," 

and  many  of  that  kind.    More  and  dearer,  "Suffer  little 

children  to  come  unto  me." 

In  the  task  before  us  the  church  and  home  must 
work  together.  From  the  home  into  which  the  child 
is  first  received,  those  of  us  who  favor  infant  baptism 
take  our  babies  and  assume  for  them  solemn  vows. 
Most  of  us  mean  it  at  the  time.  But  how  many  of  us 
live  with  the  pledges  before  us  ?  I  have  known  plenty 
of  children  to  grow  to  adult  age  ignorant  of  the  fact 
that  they  had  ever  been  baptized.  Whether  or  not  the 
child  has  been  taken  to  the  house  of  God  for  consecra- 
tion, he  certainly  should  early  become  acquainted  with 
church  service.  My  oldest  child  has  seldom  been  ab- 
sent from  morning  service  since  she  was  twenty  months 
old  unless  I  was  myself  detained.  Her  sister,  after  a 
trial,  at  twenty  months  proving  more  restless,  was  kept, 
at  home  until  two  years  of  age.  After  that  she  soon 
learned  suitable  decorum. 

Many  consider  it  a  cruelty  to  oblige  little  ones  to  go 
to  church.  It  may  be  so.  I  never  found  mine  any- 
thing but  glad  to  go;  I  think  I  have  not  been  im- 
portuned to  take  them  home  half  a  dozen  times.  I 
never  left  the  church  before  dismissal  except  once. 


II4  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

What  can  a  little  child  do  at  church?  It  can  keep  still 
if  it  has  been  taught  to  obey,  and  obedience  is  the  first 
step  toward  religious  education.  The  mother  who 
helplessly  declares,  "I  can't  prevail  on  John  to  go  to 
church,"  when  John  is  fourteen  years  old,  simply  didn't 
prevail  early  enough.  Doubtless  many  children  could 
not  attend  church  for  physical  reasons  before  four  or 
five.  Each  mother  must  judge  for  herself.  But 
mothers  who  will  shut  up  five-year-old  children  in 
school-rooms  for  five  or  six  hour  a  day,  to  breathe 
vitiated  air  and  grow  stoop-shouldered,  need  not  fear 
to  keep  the  same  children  in  church  once  a  week  for 
one  hour  and  a  half. 

The  question  of  behavior  in  church  is  a  serious  one. 
Half  the  grown  people  are  not  too  decorous.  If  there 
is  to  be  a  better  showing  twenty  years  hence  it  should 
begin  now.  Then  teach  the  child  to  observe  order. 
It  is  Heaven's  first  law.  When  the  congregation  stands 
the  child  should  stand;  when  the  choir  or  congrega- 
tion sings  let  the  child,  old  enough  to  do  it,  find  the 
hymn  and  keep  the  place.  In  prayer  time  what  rever- 
ence may  be  taught  by  the  bowed  head  and  closed 
eyes !  Though  this  last  is  too  hard  for  the  very  small 
child,  yet  as  soon  as  it  and  like  observances  can  be 
taught,  the  child  becomes  a  participant,  to  a  certain 
extent,  and  not  a  mere  observer.  And  we  learn  to  love 
what  we  share. 

Were  children  early  taught  a  decent  regard  for 
proper  forms  of  worship,  we  should  see  less  disrespect 
among  adults.  Yet  reverence  for  these  things  depends 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  115 

not  alone  on  conduct  in  public.  If,  on  returning  to  its 
home,  the  child  hears  the  sermon  criticised,  the  man- 
ners of  the  preacher  discussed,  his  faulty  language, 
construction  of  sentences  and  mispronunciation  of 
words  deplored,  and  the  shortcomings  of  members 
commented  upon,  surely  neither  reverence  nor  love, 
nor  gentleness,  will  be  the  fruit  of  that  spirit. 
.  The  avidity  with  which  children  learn  all  uncharit- 
ableness  is  simply  appalling.  Having  thought  myself 
usually  free  from  the  habit  of  criticism,  I  fell,  as  those 
do  who  think  they  stand.  One  morning  at  table,  after 
attending  prayer-meeting  the  night  before,  I  took  ex- 
ceptions to  the  harrowing  account,  given  by  a  good 
brother,  of  his  struggle  with  a  gold  ring  he  had  worn, 
and  his  final  triumph,  the  banishment  of  the  ring,  and 
his  great  advance,  spiritually,  thereafter.  After  my 
next  prayer-meeting  my  daughter  of  seven  asked: 
"Well,  mamma,  did  you  have  any  more  fun  at  prayer- 
meeting  after  hearing  that  silly  man  talk  about  rings  ?" 
To  attempt  to  make  a  grown  Christian  out  of  a  child 
is  an  awful  wrong.  "I'll  be  a  good  child,  indeed  I 
will !"  is  as  far  as  it  can  profitably  get.  I  have  wit- 
nessed such  overcrowding  of  children  in  prayer-meet- 
ings as  must  make  angels  weep.  It  is  not  uncommon 
in  some  communities  to  see  those  so  young  that  they 
ought  to  be  in  bed  and  asleep,  not  only  robbed  of  rest, 
but  of  ingenuousness,  by  the  mistaken  persuasions  of 
those  who  mean  well  but  do  ill.  Children  cannot  com- 
prehend the  spiritual  experiences  of  their  elders,  and 
as  soon  as  they  affect  them  they  become  hypocrites. 


Il6  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

Often  urged  on  by  the  desire  to  be  made  much  of, 
these  small  dissemblers  pray  and  speak  publicly  with 
the  assurance  of  vanity.  The  papers  not  long  since 
gave  accounts  of  a  girl  of  ten  who  read  the  Scriptures 
and  exhorted  night  after  night.  The  mouths  of  babes 
shall  speak  praise  and  a  little  child  lead,  but  not  thus. 

Our  children  should  early  learn  to  know  how  to 
answer  the  question,  "Is  it  right?"  as  applied  to  their 
daily  actions  toward  their  parents,  brothers,  sisters 
and  playmates.  To  bring  a  child's  conscience  to 
healthy  sensitiveness  is  half  of  its  religious  education. 
To  teach  the  child  honest  and  ready  obedience  to  the 
dictates  of  such  a  conscience  is  the  other  half.  All 
other  things  follow — the  added  knowledge,  the  clearer 
vision,  the  more  perfect  comprehension  of  the  mean- 
ing of  doctrines  and  beliefs. 

The  children  need  religious  education.  They  would 
get  more  of  it  if  parents  would  bear  in  mind  that  it 
cannot  be  successfully  imparted  without  common 
sense. 


PARENTAL  EXAMPLE  AT  THE  TABLE. 

I  chanced  to  take  dinner  at  the  Bottoms'  cottage  not 
long  since.  The  Bottomses  are  good  people,  who  lit- 
erally live  by  the  sweat  of  their  honest  brows.  They 
are  farmers  in  easy  circumstances,  and,  though  plain 
country  people,  the  paternal  Bottomses  are  well  edu- 
cated, and  are  endeavoring  to  give  their  children  a 
good  education  also.  During  the  repast  little  Jimmie, 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  117 

the  youngest  of  the  Bottoms'  scions,  tilted  or  propped 
his  plate  on  one  side  with  a  bit  of  bread  in  order  to 
keep  his  molasses  in  due  bounds.  His  mother  in- 
stantly rebuked  him  for  doing  so.  I  confess  I  could 
not  see  that  the  little  fellow  deserved  the  reprimand; 
for  we  must  all  agree  that  it  is  much  more  pleasant, 
where  a  saccharine  fluid  like  molasses  or  honey  is 
eaten  from  a  plate  in  conjunction  with  sundry  other 
viands  (as  children  in  the  country  are  wont  to  eat), 
to  have  the  sweet,  semi-liquid  biscuit  lubricator  con- 
fined to  one  side  of  the  plate  to  prevent  its  dissemin- 
ating itself  over  all  the  available  surface  of  the  piece 
of  table  crockery. 

But  even  admitting  that  Jimmie  did  infract  the  laws 
of  table  propriety  a  little  in  behalf  of  his  gastronomic 
pleasure  or  convenience,  his  disapproving  mother  had 
no  right  to  rebuke  him ;  for  before  the  meal  was  over 
I  observed  her  dip  her  knife  into  the  dish  of  boiled 
rice  and  shovel  out  a  mouthful  more  than  once!  I 
had  heard  before  that  Mrs.  Bottoms  made  a  habit 
of  removing  what  butter  was  left  upon  the  plates  after 
a  meal,  and  putting  it  back  into  the  butter-dish,  and 
that  she  would  even  take  the  bits  of  bread  and  biscuit 
which  the  children  left,  and  cook  them  up  into  a 
bread-pudding  for  the  next  day's  dinner;  but  I  was 
surprised  to  see  her  guilty  of  such  a  breach  of  table 
manners  as  to  eat  from  the  dish  of  Vice.  That  was 
such  a  striking  contrast  to  Jimmie's  tilting  his  plate 
that  I  could  not  fail  to  notice  it. 

But  this  was  not  the  only  shock  my  delicate  nerves 


118  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

were  destined  to  suffer  ere  the  close  of  that  memor- 
able dinner.  The  old  gentleman,  finding  an  incon- 
venient quantity  of  "pot  liquor"  in  his  plate,  with 
the  utmost  nonchalance  drained  it  off  into  the  dish 
of  turnip-greens  which  sat  near  him! 

Now,  if  the  Bottomses  were  uneducated  people 
these  gross  violations  of  good  breeding  might  be  over- 
looked on  the  score  of  ignorance;  but  they  are  not 
uneducated.  The  old  gentleman  (for  he  is  a  gentle- 
man despite  his  infractions  of  the  proprieties  of  life) 
has  a  genuine  Latin  vellum  diploma  from  an  old  and 
once  very  popular  college;  and  Mrs.  B.  was  for  a 
number  of  years  a  successful  teacher  in  a  high-school. 
Her  inconsistency  in  rebuking  her  little  boy  for  tilting 
his  plate,  and  then,  within  five  minutes,  dipping  into 
the  rice-dish  with  her  knife,  forcibly  reminded  me  of 
the  beam  and  the  mote. 

It  also  reminded  me  of  the  little  three-year-old 
whose  paternal  relative  was  harshly  scolding  him  for 
some  childish  misdemeanor,  winding  up  his  parental 
philippic  with: 

"What  makes  you  do  such  naughty  things,  anyhow, 
Tommy  ?" 

For  a  moment  little  Tommy  was  silent — apparently 
at  a  loss  how  to  answer  such  a  weighty  question ;  but 
he  suddenly  adopted  the  Yankee's  tactics  by  asking 
in  reply: 

"What  makes  you  do  naughty  things  yourself 
sometimes,  papa  ?  You  are  such  a  great  big  man,  and 
I  am  such  a  little  boy,  too!" 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  1 19 

Ah,  what  a  rebuke! 

How  can  we  reasonably  expect  our  children  to  grow 
up  into  kind,  courteous,  and  considerate  men  and 
women,  unless  we  set  them  proper  examples? 


WHO  DESERVES  THE  CREDIT? 

If  there  is  anything  that  will  exasperate  a  sensible 
woman,  married  or  single,  it  is  to  hear  a  mother, 
whether  from  weakness  of  character  or  indifference — 
it  matters  not  which — say  that  her  children  are  not  to 
be  restrained  in  any  manner,  for  she  wishes  them  to 
be  perfectly  natural. 

The  average  child  in  its  natural  state  is  usually 
voted  a  nuisance  by  disinterested  parties.  No  one 
would  allow  a  pet  animal  to  have  its  own  way,  to  live 
uncurbed.  Does  any  one  expect  an  ivy  to  grow  in 
a  desired  direction  without  any  training?  Yet  there 
are  mothers  who  regard  children  as  not  coming  under 
the  range  of  natural  laws. 

I  once  knew  a  mother  of  several  small  children  who 
allowed  them  to  jump  with  their  boots  covered  with 
mud  upon  richly  upholstered  furniture,  to  trample 
upon  the  newly  made  flower-beds,  and  to  play  ball 
in  the  parlor.  The  children's  wills  were  never  curbed ; 
their  manners  were  rude.  The  house  showed  that 
the  children  had  full  liberty;  everything  was  out  of 
repair.  In  justification  of  their  conduct,  the  mother 
would  blandly  reply  that  she  had  never  spoken  a  cross 


120  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

word  to  any  one  of  them,  nor  had  she  punished  in 
any  manner  any  child,  for  she  wished  to  be  remem- 
bered as  a  kind  and  affectionate  mother. 

"You  will  see,"  said  she,  "if  my  children  don't  turn 
out  as  well  as  those  children  whose  mothers  are  train- 
ing them  all  the  time." 

The  three  youngest,  a  girl  of  nine,  and  two  boys 
of  seven  and  six  years,  were  sent  to  a  primary  school, 
the  principal  of  which  was  a  lady  of  mild  but  firm 
discipline.  The  management  of  these  children  was 
difficult,  and  it  seemed  at  times  as  if  she  must  ask 
to  have  them  removed  from  the  school.  In  the  course 
of  a  few  months,  however,  she  had  conquered  them, 
and  they  were  polite  and  obedient.  Instead  of  greet- 
ing their  teacher  in  the  street  with,  "Hello,  Miss 
Brown!"  the  boys  would  raise  their  hats,  and  the 
little  girls  would  bow  gracefully.  The  mother,  entire- 
ly unmindful  of  all  the  trouble  the  teacher  had  under- 
gone with  these  little  ones,  coolly  said  that  she  knew 
her  children  would  grow  up  all  right,  for  any  one 
could  see  that  they  were  improving  all  the  time. 

"Jennie  will  be  a  nice  girl  when  she  gets  older  and 
has  more  sense,"  said  an  amiable  mother,  in  answer 
to  a  grandmother's  remark  that  Jennie  was  self-willed 
and  ought  to  be  controlled.  Child  though  she  was, 
she  had  the  power  to  make  guests  wish  to  shorten 
their  visits.  By  the  time  Jennie  was  eleven  years  old, 
her  mother  found  herself  unable  to  control  her.  She 
made  life  at  home  unbearable  for  her  two  younger 
brothers,  so  she  was  sent  to  a  boarding-school.  The 


MORALS    AND    MANNERS.  121 

first  year  she  was  there  it  took  the  combined  efforts 
of  all  the  teachers  to  look  after  her.  Undisciplined  in 
every  way,  untidy,  impertinent,  never  saying  anything 
without  whining,  the  child  was  unpopular  with  teach- 
ers, pupils  and  servants.  In  course  of  time  she  found 
that  she  had  to  come  under  rules.  Her  voice  assumed 
a  more  cheerful  tone.  Habits  of  neatness  were 
formed,  and  her  manners  greatly  improved.  Yet  in 
contrast  with  children  carefully  trained  from  infancy 
she  does  not  now  appear  to  very  great  advantage. 
The  watchful  care  of  conscientious  teachers  may  pos- 
sibly overcome  the  mother's  lack  of  discipline,  and 
Jennie  develop  into  a  refined,  gentle  young  woman. 
The  mother  does  not  yet  acknowledge  any  fault  on 
her  part  in  the  training  of  her  daughter,  but  con- 
fidently expects  that  she  will  be  an  accomplished,  love- 
ly young  lady. 

How  much  credit  does  this  mother  deserve?  Do 
not  such  examples  prove  the  rule,  rather  than  the 
exception,  that  a  child  properly  trained  will  be  more 
likely  to  turn  out  well  than  one  that  is  neglected? 
When  a  boy  or  girl,  whom  a  mother  has  not  trained, 
develops  into  a  noble  man  or  a  lovely  woman,  it  is  be- 
cause some  one  else  has  performed  the  mother's  duty. 


Ill 

WAYS  AND    MEANS    IN   THE 
NURSERY 


WHAT   NOT   TO   DO. 

One  of  the  most  important,  and  yet  seemingly  one 
of  the  hardest,  lessons  for  busy  mothers  to  learn,  is 
what  not  to  do.  Every  mother  of  little  children  who 
has  but  little  help  and  moderate  means  must  always 
find  many  more  things  that  seem  necessary  to  be 
done  than  she  has  time  and  strength  to  do,  and  it  is 
important  that  she  choose  wisely  which  she  will  do 
and  which  neglect.  If  she  does  too  much  she  wears 
out  her  own  strength  and  indirectly  that  of  her  family. 
If  she  does  the  less  important  and  neglects  the  more 
important,  she  directs  the  thought  and  energies  of 
her  wrhole  family  into  trivial  and  unworthy  channels. 

One  of  the  worst  tendencies  among  women  of  mod- 
erate means  is  to  do  too  much.  /  Many  mothers  of 
families  have  I  known,  and  douotless  every  one  can 
say  the  same,  who  at  fifty,  just  the  age  'when  they 
ought  to  have  been  in  their  prime  and  to  have  enjoyed 
the  fruits  of  their  labors  and  sufferings,  and  when 
their  children  needed  them  as  companions  in  their 
work  and  pleasures,  were  broken-down  women,  either 
invalids  or  at  least  very  near  it.]  This  is  a  sin  not 
merely  against  the  women  themselves,  but  against 
their  families.  As  I  look  around  among  my  middle- 
aged  acquaintances,  the  women  who  are  strong  and 
well,  who  are  not  obliged  constantly  to  give  up  duty 


126  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

and  pleasure  on  account  of  ill-health,  are  wofully  in 
the  minority.  Sometimes  this  comes  of  necessity,  but 
often,  partially  at  least,  from  their  own  lack  of  wis- 
dom. Most  of  them  would  say  that  they  couldn't  do 
otherwise,  and  would  be  horrified  at  the  suggestion 
that  the  rooms  shouldn't  be  dusted  every  day.  Yet 
who  would  be  the  worse  if  the  infinitesimal  layer  of 
dust  that  collects  in  a  day  were  allowed  to  remain  an- 
other day,  or  if  the  windows  were  not  washed  just 
so  often?  Who  would  be  the  worse  if  a  dessert  was 
sometimes  omitted  in  great  press  of  work,  or  the 
family  supped  occasionally  on  simple  bread  and  milk? 
No  one.  In  fact,  all  would  be  better  off.  No  one 
would  be  the  worse  if  the  children's  clothes  were 
plainer  or  some  of  the  elaborate  bits  of  fancy  work 
left  undone.  Men  might  have  a  few  less  tidies  to 
execrate,  but  that  would  be  a  gain  to  the  family  peace. 
A  rosy,  smiling  face  on  the  mother  would  be  pleasanter 
to  look  at  than  all  the  pretty  knickknacks  one  could 
crowd  into  a  room. 

And,  furthermore,  many  a  child  born  of  a  tired-out 
mother  has  suffered  for  it  all  its  life.  Is  not  that  a 
sin  on  a  mother's  part?  No  mother  has  any  right,  if 
she  can  in  any  way  help  it,  to  bequeath  a  legacy  of 
ill-health  and  suffering  to  her  child.  It  is,  too,  simply 
a  patent  sin  for  a  pregnant  mother  to  overwork  her- 
self. It  is  a  strange  and  twisted  conscientiousness 
which  looks  only  at  present  petty  details  instead  of 
at  future  larger  ends.  Study,  and  study  earnestly,  to 
see  what  things  you  do  that  are  really  unimportant, 


WAYS   AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  127 

and  then  omit  them.  My  old  college  professor  in 
moral  philosophy  used  to  say  that  it  was  possible  to 
be  extremely  busy  doing  nothing,  by  which  I  supposed 
him  to  mean  that  there  was  danger  of  feeling  that  we 
were  doing  something  when  we  were  occupied  about 
what  was  of  no  real  value  whatever.  For  some  reason 
that  saying  of  his  stayed  by  me  and  proved  a  warning 
more  than  once.  Not  that  I  mean  to  encourage  slack- 
ness or  laziness,  but  in  many  families  I  have  seen 
things  done  constantly,  absorbing  much  time  and 
strength,  that  were  absolutely  unessential  to  the  com- 
fort or  happiness  of  the  family.  Studv^J^Qi,.jeconomize 
time  and  strength  as  well  as  money.  Their  waste  is 
more  sinful  than  that  of  money.  Look  at  it  in  the 
light  of  a  duty  to  your  children  as  well  as  yourself. 

It  is  a  mistake,  when  one  has  but  one  servant,  to 
emulate  those  who  have  more,  and  to  overwork  one's 
self  in  order  to  keep  one's  house  as  perfectly  and  serve 
as  many  courses  at  meals  and  dress  one's  children  as 
finely  as  do  those  who  have  more  help.  One  of  three 
things  must  certainly  be  neglected :  your  children's 
welfare,  your  own  health  (and  indirectly,  through  you, 
that  of  your  children),  or  your  housework.  Who  will 
question  which  of  the  three  is  the  least  important? 

Here  it  may  not  be  amiss  to  suggest  that  economy  in 
the  matter  of  hired  labor  should  be  one  of  the  last 
economies  a  tired  mother  ought  to  practise.  I  know 
more  than  one  family  that  has  many  luxuries  and 
economizes  by  going  without  needed  help.  The  conse- 
quences are  almost  invariably  irremediable.  One  such 


128  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

family  I  knew  where  the  daughter  instead  of  the 
mother  was  the  victim.  Further,  many  a  woman  who 
tries  to  save  herself  does  the  less  important  things 
and  neglects  the  more  important,  either  from  ignorance 
or  lack  of  thought.  One  mother  who  hadn't  time  and 
strength,  she  thought,  to  give  her  little  son  a  daily  air- 
ing, yet  rigidly  adhered  to  several  less  important 
things.  Another  young  mother  of  two  rollicking  baby 
boys,  who  says  her  boys  are  almost  too  much  for 
her,  and  often  looks  tired,  and  seldom  reads,  made 
during  the  winter  a  crazy  quilt  of  elaborate  design. 
Something  entailing  one-tenth  the  work  would  have 
served  the  purpose  just  as  well,  if  indeed  any  quilt 
at  all  was  needed.  Women  often  argue  that  they 
do  those  things  in  odd  minutes  when  they  couldn't 
do  anything  else.  That  may  be  partially  so,  but  the 
odd  minutes  are  often  better  spent  in  resting;  and 
almost  invariably  when  once  started  on  such  a  piece  of 
work  one  gets  so  interested  in  it  that  it  consumes  a 
good  deal  more  than  the  odd  minutes.  Then  too 
much  of  it  makes  one  like  a  toper  with  drink,  unable 
to  resist  any  novel  device.  A  mother  has  no  right 
to  use  up  her  strength  in  such  ways.  Her  children 
have  a  right  to  the  best  of  it. 

To  sum  up  all,  tired  mothers,  study  to  learn  what 
parts  of  your  daily  programme  of  work  may  be 
omitted  without  detriment  to  the  highest  good  of  your 
family,  and  then  omit  them,  using  the  time  for  rest. 
Study  carefully  to  see  if  you  do  not  do  some  unnec- 
essary things  which  if  left  undone  would  leave  time 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  129 

for  that  haunting  duty  which  you  feel  is  important  and 
ought  to  be  done.  Remember,  too,  that  if  you  use  all 
the  odd  minutes  in  little  useless  things  you  will  have 
no  time  for  reading,  without  a  certain  amount  of 
which  you  will  certainly  grow  rusty  and  be  unequal 
to  the  pleasant  duty  of  directing  the  education  of 
your  dear  ones. 


SELF-CONTROL  IN  THE   HOUSEHOLD. 

There  is  no  more  important  factor  in  the  household 
than  self-control ;  and  its  value  is  seldom  rightly  esti- 
mated until  a  threatened  danger  is  promptly  averted, 
or  some  dire  consequence  follows  from  want  of  its 
possession. 

A  scene  in  my  childhood  stands  out  in  bold  relief 
as  I  write  these  words.  I  was  about  eight  years  old, 
and  my  mother  had  taken  me  to  visit  a  friend  where 
there  were  several  children,  one  an  infant  of  a  few 
months ;  and  as  night  came  on,  the  half-grown  nurse- 
girl  took  a  lighted  candle  into  an  adjoining  room,  put 
the  baby  in  its  crib,  and  left  two  other  little  ones  asleep 
on  the  bed,  both  bed  and  crib  protected  by  closely 
drawn  mosquito  netting.  All  was  quiet,  when  sud- 
denly a  bright  blaze  shot  up  from  the  inner  chamber, 
and  in  an  instant  my  mother's  hand  on  my  shoulder 
pressed  me  down  in  my  seat,  and  the  tone  I  never  dis- 
obeyed whispered,  "Keep  perfectly  still  until  I  come 
back."  The  next  moment  she  was  standing  by  the  crib 
tearing  down  the  blazing  net  that  covered  the  sleeping 


130  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

babe,  and  which  had  already  set  fire  to  the  bed  net. 
Mrs.  T.  gave  one  horrified  glance  and  went  into  a  fit 
of  screaming  hysterics,  utterly  incapable  of  being  of 
any  use,  and  wakening  the  two  elder  children,  who 
added  their  terrified  cries  to  the  confusion.  In  less 
than  five  minutes  the  danger  was  over,  and  the  only 
damage  done  was  the  loss  of  the  netting  and  some 
burns  on  my  mother's  hands.  But  the  contrast  be- 
tween the  self-control  of  one  woman  and  the  helpless- 
ness of  the  other  left  an  indelible  impression  upon 
my  mind. 

At  an  early  age  I  was  taught  to  exercise  self-re- 
straint, and  I  am  now  trying  to  impress  its  value  upon 
the  little  ones  of  my  own  family ;  and  though  the  task 
may  not  be  easy,  especially  with  nervous,  high-strung 
temperaments,  yet  it  can  be  done.  A  child  may  be 
taught  at  an  early  age  that  its  wants  and  feelings  are 
subservient  to  its  will,  and  then  half  the  lesson  is 
taught.  I  have  seen  my  little  girl  stand  quiet  while 
a  wasp  or  bee  took  a  walk  on  her  arm  and  shoulder ; 
and  once  I  heard  her  explain  to  a  companion  who  was 
bobbing  from  side  to  side  at  the  approach  of  such  an 
insect,  and  who  wondered  at  her  being  able  to  keep 
still,  "Why,  it  won't  sting  me  if  I  let  it  alone  and 
don't  move;  but  if  I  went  fussing  round  as  you  do, 
I  should  expect  it  would !"  When  only  six  years  old 
she  had  to  undergo  some  exceedingly  painful  treat- 
ment, and  though  the  tears  rolled  down  her  cheeks 
each  time,  she  would  clinch  her  hands  and  never  move 
until  told  she  might;  and  yet  she  is  so  nervous  and 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  131 

excitable  I  am  often  surprised  that  she  can  exercise 
such  a  degree  of  self-control. 

Nor  is  the  physical  the  only  or  most  important  side 
of  the  question.  The  boy  who  learns  to  control  his 
appetite  in  early  years,  whether  it  be  for  the  sweets 
that  are  unwholesome  for  his  body,  the  literature  that 
is  poison  to  his  mind,  or  the  passions  that  sully  his 
soul,  will  seldom,  if  ever,  yield  to  the  temptations  that 
throng  his  manhood's  path ;  and  the  mother  who  would 
impart  this  valuable  lesson  must  do  so  as  much  by 
precept  and  example  as  by  word  of  mouth.  She  must 
keep  watch  and  ward  over  her  own  life,  that  the  wise, 
tender  counsel  be  not  lost  by  her  own  shrinking  from 
painful  duty  or  the  giving  way  to  undue  passions; 
for  children  are  keener  observers  than  we  think. 

One  of  the  highest  compliments  I  ever  heard  was 
paid  a  mother  by  her  little  boy  who  was  being  tempted 
to  evil  by  an  older  companion — "My  mother  wouldn't 
do  that,  so  I  won't,"  and  he  walked  away,  proudly 
conscious  that  he  had  acted  exactly  as  his  mother 
would  have  done  in  his  place. 


OMMEMORATION  OF  BIRTHDAYS. 

r 

le  constantly  recurring  anniversaries  of  festive 
occasions  are  a  possible  source  of  good  of  which  few 
people  compute  the  importance.  It  has  long  ago  been 
conceded  that  a  common  interest  does  much  toward 
engendering  good  feeling  between  different  members 


132  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

of  the  human  race,  as  may  be  proved,  whenever  we 
wish  to  prove  it,  by  assisting  some  one  whom  we 
really  dislike.  By  the  time  the  work  is  accomplished, 
a  certain  measure  of  good  feeling  is  established,  which, 
perhaps,  will  never  again  be  broken  down.  The  com- 
mon interest  has  produced  a  certain  amount  of  good 
fellowship.  Napoleon  fully  recognized  the  value  of 
this  principle  when  he  directed  that  the  dome  should 
be  gilded  in  order  that  the  common  eye  of  Paris  be 
turned  toward  an  object  of  interest  instead  of  in- 
surrection. 

In  the  preparation  for  the  various  anniversaries  of 
the  seasons,  the  different  members  of  the  family  are 
brought  together  in  closer  communion.  Little  ani- 
mosities are  forgotten  and  pleasant  thoughts  are 
stitched  into  the  little  pincushion  for  brother  Ned's 
pocket  or  into  the  hair-pin  case  for  sister  Sue.  But 
of  all  the  anniversaries  which  return  to  us  season  after 
season,  none  are  so  cherished  as  the  birthdays.  A 
birthday  is  the  peculiar  property,  owned  in  common 
with  no  other,  of  the  child  itself,  and  to  have  it  remem- 
bered and  observed,  even  in  the  slightest  way,  gives 
pleasure  incomparable.  It  seems  to  the  child  as  if  the 
parents  were  so  glad,  in  the  possession  of  the  little 
daughter  or  son,  that  they  never  forgot  when  time 
brought  round  the  anniversary  of  thanksgiving  for 
his  or  her  birth.  Remember  the  birthdays,  if  only 
with  the  tiniest  gift — a  bunch  of  flowers  laid  on  the 
little  one's  plate  with  a  loving  word  and  a  kiss.  And 
teach  the  children  to  remember  each  other's  birthdays. 


WAYS   AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  133 

They  in  turn  will  want  to  remember  yours,  and  you 
will  find  their  remembrance  and  thought  very  precious. 
On  a  recent  birthday,  a  mother  received  from  her  son 
a  cake  of  fine  soap  and  from  her  daughter  a  lead- 
pencil  with  a  rubber  on  the  end.  Nothing  very  elab- 
orate, you  may  well  say,  but  bought  with  their  own 
little  savings  and  given  with  the  heartiest  good- will 
and  love  and  received  by  the  mother  with  quite  as 
much  pleasure  as  if  they  had  been  a  diamond  ring  and 
a  seal-skin  coat.  In  another  family  where  birthdays 
have  always  been  remembered,  when  the  day  arrives 
the  distant  children  remember  and  are  remembered 
exactly  the  same  as  when  they  were  little.  Only  a  box 
of  candy  for  mother,  perhaps,  or  a  loaf  or  two  of 
"mother's  ginger-bread,"  for  the  absent  son;  but  the 
day  is  not  forgotten,  and  each  feels  that  the  others  are 
glad  in  their  possession  of  each  other. 


ADVANTAGES   OF  "PLAYING  DOCTOR/' 

I  find  children,  as  well  as  grown  persons,  are  saved 
much  trouble  and  annoyance  if  their  medicine  can  be 
arranged  in  pills.  Now,  the  difficulty  is  to  make  a 
child  take  a  pill ;  but  if  the  mother  will  waste  (?)  a 
little  time  when  the  children  are  perfectly  well,  let 
her  encourage  them  to  play  at  being  a  doctor  and 
having  their  sisters  and  brothers  as  patients,  making 
for  them  some  very  minute  bread-pills,  or  even  break- 
ing into  very  tiny  pieces  some  loaf-sugar  as  pills ;  she 


!34  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

will  find  they  will  soon  learn  to  swallow  them  as  pills, 
and  the  next  time  an  illness  occurs  where  medicine 
can  be  given  in  this  way  she  will  reap  the  comfort  and 
benefit  of  the  few  moments  she  has  thus  spent. 

Another  plan  I  think  good  is,  when  a  child  has  got 
to  take  a  nauseous  dose,  not  to  ask  or  coax  it  into 
taking  it.  This  seeming  kindness  only  prolongs  the 
agony ;  take  the  dose  already  prepared,  and,  with  a 
firm  look  right  into  the  child's  eyes,  say :  "Now,  So- 
and-so,  take  this  at  once,  like  a  brave  boy."  And 
do  not  flinch;  arguing  with  a  child  only  irritates  it. 
Insist,  and,  if  you  like,  pet  and  encourage  and  praise 
afterwards. 

Let  the  doctor  always  be  looked  upon  as  a  friend; 
never  allow  a  nurse  to  frighten  with  threats  of  the 
doctor,  but  let  his  visits  be  spoken  of  as  those  of  a 
friend  who  is  going  to  try  and  make  the  little  ones 
well.  

THE  BABY'S   BANK  ACCOUNT. 

It  is  not  to  a  baby-millionaire  I  wish  to  call  your 
attention,  nor  even  to  any  baby,  but  to  the  finances 
of  a  baby  in  very  humble  circumstances. 

You,  of  course,  know  all  about  what  the  little  fellow 
has  cost,  and  know  what  he  is  likely  to  cost,  not  only 
in  dollars  and  cents,  but  in  wakeful,  watchful  hours 
and  anxieties  innumerable.  But  after  a  while  the 
now  costly  baby  will  require  not  only  schooling,  but 
business  education,  and  a  foundation  upon  which  to 
stand  in  the  great  money-getting  world. 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  13$ 

There  are  so  many  tips  and  downs  with  prosperous 
people  that  the  child  of  wealth  to-day  may  twenty 
years  hence  be  eking  out  a  scanty  living  as  clerk, 
and,  on  the  other  hand,  the  little  fellow  whose  baby- 
wardrobe  is  plain  and  limited  by  the  same  time  may 
be  on  the  broad  road  to  fortune. 

While  you  sit  by  the  darling's  cradle  is  the  time 
to  thoughtfully  mature  your  plans  for  the  future. 
There  are  so  many  little  trifles  bought  for  baby  that 
might  be  dispensed  with  and  the  money  allowed  to 
accumulate  for  future  use.  It  is  wonderful  how  nice 
a  sum  may  repose  in  one  of  the  many  saving- fund  in- 
stitutions by  just  a  little  forethought  and  economy.  A 
mayor  in  a  Southern  city  gave  on  Saturday  evenings 
to  his  four  little  daughters  all  the  dimes  he  happened 
to  have  in  his  pocket.  A  lady  of  my  acquaintance 
saved  all  her  gold-pieces  for  her  son,  depositing  them 
in  bank  to  his  credit,  she  acting  as  trustee.  Another 
lady,  having  a  small  house  renting  for  $8  a  month, 
put  the  sum  to  her  children's  account  in  the  savings 
fund,  and  carefully  refrained  from  using  any  of  it. 

I  know  of  many  instances  of  well-to-do  parents  who 
are  faithfully  laying  up  for  the  children,  and  that  in 
a  small,  matter-of-fact  way  which  would  astonish 
many  with  whom  they  mingle  in  society.  A  pencil 
and  paper  and  a  half-hour  or  less  spent  in  calculating 
the  possible  accumulation  of  even  $20  a  year  for 
twenty  years  will  show  what  can  be  done. 

I  had  this  winter  in  my  employ  as  nurse  a  widow 
with  a  little  girl.  She  came  in  great  distress  of  mind 


136  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

to  me  one  day  in  reference  to  her  money  matters. 
Her  husband,  a  coachman,  had  had  from  his  employer 
each  year  a  gift  of  $50,  which,  with  other  earnings, 
had  been  deposited  in  a  bank  to  the  credit  of  the 
child.  The  father  and  trustee  died,  and  the  woman, 
in  ignorance  of  how  to  proceed,  had  been  for  three 
years  unable  to  use  any  of  the  interest  for  the  child. 
The  sum  had  accumulated  until  the  interest  would 
clothe  the  little  girl.  I  had  the  pleasure  of  securing  a 
faithful  guardian  for  the  child  and  relieving  the  poor 
woman's  mind  of  much  anxiety,  she  having  supposed 
the  sum  could  not  be  touched  until  the  little  girl  was 
of  age. 

It  is  a  wise  course  for  a  woman  to  acquaint  herself 
with  the  process  of  the  law  in  regard  to  the  money 
belonging  to  children,  also  to  know  the  rates  of  in- 
terest and  values  of  property.  While  money  in  the 
bank  sometimes  accumulates  as  fast  as  that  otherwise 
invested,  and  can  be  secured  and  used  in  emergencies 
in  less  time  than  by  other  forms  of  investment,  there 
are  many  other  ways  of  using  the  sum  saved — a  piece 
of  land  can  be  bought  and  put  in  baby's  name,  or 
sold  again  and  the  money  turned  over  and  over. 

My  baby  is  now  worth  fifty  dollars  in  his  own  name 
at  one  year,  and  I  trust  the  day  will  come  when  he 
can  begin  his  way  in  life  with  thoughtful  preparation, 
and  be  successful  in  what  he  undertakes. 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  137 


STILL   SEEKING  THE  NURSE-MAID. 

When  baby  was  five  or  six  weeks  old,  I  began  mak- 
ing inquiries  for  a  nurse-maid  for  him.  I  was  spend- 
ing the  summer  in  a  small  town  where  there  were 
neither  intelligence  offices  nor  newspapers  to  aid  me 
in  my  search;  so  I  applied  to  the  family  physician, 
thinking  that  in  his  daily  rounds  he  might  have  hap- 
pened to  come  across  a  good  nurse-maid  out  of  a 
situation.  "So  you  want  a  little  nurse-girl  to  mind 
the  baby,"  said  he.  I  replied  emphatically  that  I  did 
not  want  "a  little  nurse-girl,"  but  that  I  did  want 
a  reliable  woman,  who  understood  the  care  and  man- 
agement of  young  babies.  He  answered  that  he 
"thought  there  were  none  such  to  be  found  in  the 
town,  as  there  was  no  demand  for  them."  In  country 
places,  as  a  rule,  those  mothers  who  have  any  help 
at  all  in  the  care  of  their  children,  employ  young  girls 
of  from  eleven  to  sixteen  years  old.  In  large  cities, 
among  the  wealthy,  of  course  the  case  is  different. 

Every  one  can  call  to  mind  terrible  instances  of 
bodily  deformity  resulting  from  accidents  in  infancy. 
At  best,  the  road  which  baby  must  travel  is  none  too 
smooth  for  such  tender  little  feet,  and  a  mother  does 
wrong  who  intrusts  him  to  any  but  careful  and  ex- 
perienced hands.  The  time  is  short  when  little  ones 
need  such  fine  handling,  and  money  is  well  spent  in 
securing  the  best  possible  service  for  them;  but  if 
the  luxury  of  a  good  nurse  cannot  be  afforded,  by  all 


138  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

means  let  there  be  none  at  all.  When  I  returned  to 
the  city,  I  easily  found  a  middle-aged  woman  accus- 
tomed, as  she  said,  to  the  ''entire  charge  of  babies." 
In  spite  of  her  experience,  I  preferred  to  keep  my 
baby  with  me  at  night,  to  bathe  him,  and,  in  short,  to 
overlook  the  management  of  him.  This  mode  of  pro- 
ceeding did  not  suit  the  nurse  at  all,  and  she  refused 
to  be  convinced  that  while  I  did  not  want  my  baby 
taken  quite  off  my  hands,  I  did  not  distrust  her. 

I  had  a  similar  experience  with  several  of  her  suc- 
cessors, and,  in  this  way,  my  eyes  were  gradually 
opened  to  the  fact  that,  in  the  majority  of  cases  where 
mothers  employed  nurses  of  the  quality  that  I  had 
been  having,  they  did  so  with  the  idea  of  freeing 
themselves  from  the  care  and  responsibility  of  their 
children.  The  bathing,  feeding,  even  punishing,  is  in 
the  hands  of  the  nurse.  One  society-loving  young 
mother,  whose  baby  was  emaciated  and  bore  every  evi- 
dence of  bad  management,  calmly  said  to  a  friend  who 
advised  a  change  of  diet  for  the  little  one,  "My  dear, 
I  have  a  nurse  whom  I  pay  to  care  for  that  child, 
and  I  propose  to  let  her  do  it.  She  says  the  baby 
is  all  right,  and  as  it  is  her  business  to  know  about 
babies  I  don't  intend  to  interfere.  How  should  I  know 
anything  about  babies  ?  I  never  had  one  before." 

I  wish  it  were  possible  to  make  such  mothers  realize 
that  when  they  give  birth  to  children,  they  relinquish 
their  right  to  sit  in  idle  ignorance  of  proper  methods 
of  child  rearing.  Of  the  many  progressive  features  of 
this  period,  there  is  none  which  promises  more  for 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  139 

becoming  a  science.  It  already  has  teachers  and  text- 
books. What  is  the  meaning  of  the  mothers'  meetings 
which  one  hears  of  all  over  the  country,  if  it  is  not 
that  the  women  of  to-day  wish  to  give  their  children 
the  best  possible  chance  for  right  development,  moral- 
ly and  physically,  and  that  they  realize  their  need  of 
instruction  as  to  the  best  methods  ?  The  illusion  that 
a  mother's  love  and  intuition  are  sufficient  guides  in 
bringing  up  a  child,  is  a  dangerous  one,  and  every  en- 
lightened, earnest  mother  ought  to  lend  a  hand  in 
dispelling  it.  Few  seem  to  realize  that  the  impres- 
sions received  before  the  seventh  year  are  the  most 
lasting  in  life.  It  is  then  that  habits  of  thought  and 
action  are  formed,  and  "habit  molds  character  and 
character  makes  destiny." 

Then  can  we  be  too  careful  about  the  environments 
and  influences  which  surround  little  children?  The 
part  that  the  nurse-maids  play  in  a  child's  life  is  a  \ 
prominent  one.  Are  they,  as  a  class,  fit  persons  to 
put  an  everlasting  impress  upon  the  tender  minds  of 
little  children?  The  genus  nurse  has  been  under  my 
close  observation  for  several  years.  In  city  and  coun- 
try, on  the  street  cars,  in  the  parks,  in  my  own  nursery 
and  in  those  of  my  friends,  everywhere  that  children 
and  nurses  were,  I  have  watched  and  listened.  As  a 
class  (though  there  are  many  exceptions),  they  are 
ignorant,  superstitious,  untruthful,  ililogical;  unable 
even  if  they  would,  to  reply  properly  to  the  earnest 
questionings  of  their  little  charges,  governing  them 


140  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

by  exaggerated  threats,  and  by  arbitrary,  unreasonable 
punishments,  and  amusing  them  with  far-fetched  and 
pointless  stories. 

The  truth  is,  we  need,  in  the  nursery,  a  higher  grade 
of  woman,  both  as  to  physical  education  and  moral 
development.  We  must  begin  far  enough  back  in  our 
training,  so  that  there  shall  be  no  false  impressions 
and  bad  habits  to  overcome.  The  ideal  nurse  for 
children  will  be  a  person  of  vigorous  health,  buoyant 
and  optimistic,  and  yet  even  in  temperament.  Con- 
sciously or  unconsciously,  she  will  be  imbued  with 
the  ideas  found  in  such  books  as  Harriet  Martineau's 
Household  Education,  Spencer's  Education,  and  Rous- 
seau's Emile.  She  will  have  a  rudimentary  knowledge 
of  the  Froebel  System,  and  will  have  acquired  correct 
ideas  of  diet,  baths,  ventilation  and  all  matters  per- 
taining to  hygiene  during  babyhood. 

At  present  no  person  even  approaching  this  standard 
is  to  be  had  as  nurse-maid,  and  what  is  to  be  done? 
It  is  well  for  a  mother  to  be  separated  for  a  time, 
each  day,  from  her  children ;  she  comes  back  refreshed, 
and  brings  new  life  with  her.  But  all  mothers  agree 
that  half  the  pleasure  and  benefit  of  an  outing  is  gone 
if  she  leaves  the  little  brood  with  the  haunting  fear 
that  some  harm  may  befall  them  in  her  absence,  that 
they  are  not  happily  employed,  or  that  hurtful  ideas 
are  being  instilled  into  their  young  minds.  As  a  dis- 
ciple of  the  theory  that  "there  are  no  inevitable  evils," 
I  believe  that  the  training-school  for  nurse-maids  will 
be  the  next  step  in  the  progress  of  education.  In  the 


WAYS   AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  141 

knowledge  of  the  importance  of  their  influence,  those 
who  have  the  care  of  children  would  find  an  inspira- 
tion in  their  work,  and  the  position  would  become  a 
dignified  one  in  the  household.  Many  girls  are  study- 
ing the  Froebel  System  who  have  not  the  originality, 
nor  the  executive  ability,  to  be  successful  kindergart- 
ners.  As  trained  nurses  for  children  such  young 
women  would  fill  a  needed  place,  and  in  fulfilling  their 
duties  with  heartfelt  conscientiousness,  they  would  be 
helping  on  the  progress  of  humanity. 


THE   NEED   OF  EDUCATED  MOTHERS. 

There  seems  to  be  a  somewhat  prevalent  opinion 
that  a  college  education  fits  a  woman  for  almost  any 
position  she  may  wish  to  occupy  but  that  of  wife  and 
mother.  She  may  with  propriety  be  a  teacher,  or  per- 
haps a  physician ;  but  if  she  use  the  same  qualities 
that  so  well  adapt  her  to  be  the  guardian  of  the  minds 
and  health  of  the  children  of  others  in  rearing  her 
own  children,  her  education  is  deemed  as  lost  or 
worthless. 

The  same  opinion  also  exists  in  regard  to  girls 
who,  although  not  college-bred,  have  received  the  ad- 
vantages of  a  so-called  liberal  education.  Public  opin- 
ion finds  expression  in  such  phrases  as  "How  much 
better  off  is  she  than  such-an-one  who  never  had  any 
education?"  "She'd  better  have  done  something  with 
her  education  before  she  settled  down." 


142  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

The  place  above  all  others^ where  an  educated 
\Voman  is  needed  is  the  home,  especially  the  home  of 
those  in  moderate  circumstances,  where  the  mother, 
with  a  little  outside  help,  does  her  own  work  and  at- 
tends to  her  own  babies.  The  influence  of  an  educated 
woman  in  such  a  home  can  hardly  be  estimated.  It 
may  look  to  others  as  if  her  time  had  been  wasted  and 
her  education  were  useless,  but  she  herself  feels  the 
advantage.  It  is  probable  she  did  not  have  a  special 
training  for  her  duties,  but  her  habits  of  study,  her 
interest  in  the  advancement  of  the  race,  and  her  de- 
sire to  do  whatever  she  does  in  the  best  possible  way, 
lead  her  to  select  the  best  methods  of  caring  for  her 
children. 

I  claim  that  a  girl  with  a  college  or  a  liberal  educa- 
tion does  have  a  special  training  for  motherhood.  Not 
in  the  sense,  of  course,  that  she  has  experimental 
knowledge  of  baby-tending.  That  is  the  lot  of  com- 
paratively few.  Her  course  of  study  has  given,  or 
should  have  given,  her  a  comprehensive  knowledge  of 
physiology,  and  what  it  teaches  in  regard  to  food  for 
different  ages;  a  practical  knowledge  of  hygiene,  in- 
cluding baths,  ventilation,  exercise,  and  a  few  general 
rules  in  regard  to  care  for  the  sick;  a  knowledge  of 
chemistry,  including  the  chemistry  of  food;  a  knowl- 
edge of  psychology,  giving  her  an  interest  in  the  de- 
velopment of  the  mind  and  the  formation  of  habits. 
An  additional  knowledge  of  other  "isms"  and  "olo- 
gies"  is  by  no  means  to  be  despised.  Happy  is  the 
mother  who  has  the  assurance  within  her  that  she 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  143 

is  capable  of  leading  her  sons  and  daughters  in  their 
studies  and  occupations  until  they  reach  manhood  and 
womanhood,  and  happy  are  the  children  of  such  a 
mother. 

If,  however,  the  mother  instinct,  with  good  common 
sense,  is  lacking,  neither  a  college  education,  nor  a 
liberal  education,  nor  any  amount  of  special  training 
can  supply  the  deficiency.  Educating  or  training  is 
only  a  drawing  out  or  developing  the  qualities  one  al- 
ready possesses  and  no  system,  nor  teacher,  nor  book 
can  furnish  the  qualities  that  go  to  make  a  good 
mother.  

THE  CHARMS   OF  BED-TIME. 

How  often  do  we  hear  a  mother  say,  in  tones  of 
intense  self-approval:  "I  never  have  any  trouble 
putting  my  children  to  sleep.  I  put  them  to  bed  and 
leave  them,  and  they  know  it's  no  use  crying  or  mak- 
ing a  fuss ;  they  have  to  lie  there  and  go  to  sleep, 
whether  they  want  to  or  not."  And  the  woman  will 
smile  complacently,  and  show  you  by  her  manner  that 
she  thinks  you  very  foolish  to  waste  your  time  rocking 
your  children  to  sleep,  singing  to  them,  and  telling 
them  stories.  The  thought  of  tender  little  children 
being  put  to  bed  as  soon  as  undressed,  and  left  to  go 
to  sleep  by  themselves,  perhaps  conjuring  up  visions 
of  "hobgoblins"  or  other  dreadful  things,  is  actually 
barbarous  to  my  mind.  I  think  the  little  hour  or  half- 
hour  before  the  "sand-man"  comes  should  be  entirely 
given  over  to  the  little  ones. 


144 


OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 


Does  a  mother  ever  feel  so  intimately  drawn  to  her 
child  as  when  she  is  holding  the  little  white-robed 
figure  tightly  clasped  in  her  arms,  rocking  it  to  sleep — 
caressing  and  caressed  in  turn?  This  is  the  time 
when  confidences  and  confesions  are  easiest  made. 
The  little  offender  feels  so  close  to  mother,  and  she 
is  so  loving  and  tender,  the  confesion  of  the  little 
sins  is  not  half  so  hard. 

Fond  memories  of  my  own  early  childhood  come 
to  me  as  I  sing  my  baby's  lullaby,  and  loving  thoughts 
of  the  dear  mother  who  held  me  in  her  arms,  and  sang 
me  to  sleep,  until  long  after  I  was  a  "big  little  girl." 
To  this  day  I  never  hear  the  sweet  old  lullaby,  "Hush, 
my  child,  lie  still  and  slumber,"  without  going  back 
to  those  days. 

HOW  THE  LADDIES  GO  TO  SLEEP. 

It  is  really  refreshing  to  find  that  other  mothers' 
children  will  not  lie  still  in  bed,  and  that  my  wee  laddie 
is  not  alone  in  refusing  to  rest  quietly  in  his  bed  of  in- 
nocence when  his  mother  wants  to  claim  the  evening 
as  her  own.  One  evening  I  had  sung,  in  as  charming 
a  manner  as  possible,  Martin  Luther's  sweet  cradle- 
song,  and  my  small  boy,  from  beneath  the  white  cov- 
erlets, assured  me  in  his  soft,  sweet  voice  that  his  old 
friend  the  sandman  was  throwing  sand  in  his  eyes, 
and  he  was  fast  asleep.  I  heartily  rejoiced  at  that 
worthy's  appearance  and  gave  a  sigh  of  comfort  and 
relief,  for  I  was  aweary  with  the  long  day's  cares. 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  145 

Thirty  little  dirty  fingers  that  testified  to  dabbling  in 
real  estate  had  been  duly  cleansed ;  three  sets  of  small 
white  teeth  brushed  with  their  tiny  brushes;  three 
sleepy  brown  heads  smoothed  to  prevent  the  "funny 
little  rat,"  as  Ted  says,  from  making  a  nest  of  tangles 
in  the  brown  locks ;  two  reverent  "Now  I  lay  me's"  had 
been  said,  and  Bertie  says  his  too,  "cause  the  ozzer 
boys  do,"  in  a  language  somewhat  Sanscritic.  My 
last  labors  for  the  small  olive  branches  being  com- 
pleted, I  seated  myself  to  read.  But  alas !  for  human 
hopes  on  this  night.  Suddenly  the  dark  eyes  of  the 
sleeper  opened  bright  as  a  sunbeam;  then  first  one 
little  white  foot  gave  a  vigorous  kick,  then  two  were 
lifted  high,  making,  as  their  owner  informed  me,  a 
lovely  tent,  which  reared  itself  up  and  fell  alternately. 
No ;  I  had  reckoned  without  my  host ;  Bertie  was  evi- 
dently not  asleep.  He  began  an  animated  conversa- 
tion, accompanied  by  his  sweetest  of  smiles,  but,  find- 
ing his  mamma  non-communicative,  he  would  fain 
content  himself  singing,  "Dare  to  be  a  Daniel,"  his 
elder  brother  having  labored  patiently  with  him  until 
he  had  mastered  the  tune  and  acquired  a  most  beau- 
tiful growl,  which  was  rendered  under  the  rising  and 
falling  tent.  During  the  gymnastic  and  concert  pro- 
ceedings my  eyes  happened  to  rest  on  an  ancient  friend 
of  the  small  people,  a  most  disconsolate-looking  ele- 
phant of  a  race  wholly  extinct.  A  long  residence  in 
the  family  clothes-basket,  whither  he  had  been  depos- 
ited for  the  heinous  offence  of  stealing  a  Christmas- 
pie  from  Jack  Horner  and  setting  fire  to  the  toe  of  the 


146  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

old  woman's  shoe,  thereby  burning  her  most  beautiful 
child,  had  told  on  his  once  noble  and  well-stuffed 
frame.  He  was  sadly  dejected,  minus  one  gleaming 
tusk  and  half  of  an  ear — sadly  disfigured  but  still  be- 
loved for  the  dangers  he  had  passed.  So  I  said  to 
the  tent-maker :  "Here  is  old  Chief ;  he  is  very,  very 
sleepy  and  tired,  poor  thing;  couldn't  you  get  him 
to  sleep,  Bertie?  You  must  be  very  quiet  and  shut 
your  eyes  tight."  Then  Chief,  whose  mighty  ances- 
tors had  perished  'neath  African  skies,  went  meekly 
to  bed  with  my  little,  brown-haired  baby,  lovingly 
clasped  in  two  tiny  white  arms.  In  a  few  moments 
I  heard  a  faint  "Now  I  lay  me,"  said  in  Chief's  be- 
half, then  together  they  journeyed  away  to  Dream- 
land. 

Another  bedtime  I  gave  the  small  boy  a  Santa  Claus 
doll,  which  had  the  same  happy,  soporific  effect.  The 
litttle  brothers  often  repeat  the  kindergarten  rhymes 
and  verses  we  have  learned  together  through  the  day 
after  they  go  to  bed  until  sleep  overtakes  them.  But 
the  old  elephant,  Santa,  a  beautiful  white  cat — whose 
pristine  beauty  and  paint  disappeared  long  since  in 
the  bath-tub — and  a  fat  little  pug  on  wheels — all  have 
a  quieting  effect  on  my  small  boy,  and  I  fain  would 
have  you  resort  to  the  same  simple  experiment  when 
the  sandman  at  night  tarries  long  in  his  coming. 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  147 


CHILDREN'S   QUESTIONS. 

There  is  an  ancient  piece  of  humor  which,  in  slightly 
varying  form,  goes  the  rounds  of  the  newspapers  from 
time  to  time.  It  is  perennial  in  its  freshness  and  seems 
never  to  pall  upon  the  (editorial)  taste.  It  runs  usu- 
ally in  the  form  of  a  dialogue  between  a  mother  and 
her  child.  The  mother  poses  as  a  languid  martyr 
under  the  torture  of  an  endless  stream  of  questions, 
poured  out  upon  her  by  her  voluble  and  altogether 
irrepressible  little  son.  The  dialogue  usually  occurs 
in  a  public  museum  or  railway  car,  or  some  place 
equally  suggestive  and  stimulating  to  the  infantile 
mind,  and  the  mother's  part  through  it  all  consists 
chiefly  in  such  answers  as  "Yes,"  "No,"  "Do  be  quiet !" 
"If  you  ask  me  another  question,  I'll  have  your  father 
whip  you  when  we  get  home." 

Now,  it  is  not  the  humor  of  the  piece  that  strikes 
me.  My  sense  of  humor  fails  me  when  the  victim 
is  a  tender  baby  groping  his  way  among  unknown 
facts.  I  am  sure  that  many  mothers  are  not  aware 
of  the  injury  inflicted  upon  little  children  by  such 
careless  treatment  of  their  questionings.  We  have 
become  accustomed  to  surroundings  that  are  full  of 
wonder  and  surprise  to  their  young  lives.  Let  one 
of  us  suppose  herself  suddenly  set  down  in  a  city 
in  Japan,  having  a  guide  who  is  intimately  acquainted 
with  the  place ;  what  more  natural  than  that  she  should 
:>ly  him  with  questions  about  the  strange  sights;  and 


148  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

the  language  being  only  partially  familiar,  what  won- 
der if  the  questions  often  seemed  puzzling  and  absurd  ? 
How  depressing  it  would  be  to  the  traveler  should 
her  guide  put  off  her  eagerness  with  "Don't  bother 
me,"  or  "Wait  until  you  have  been  here  longer  and 
then  you  will  understand  these  things." 

The  child  who  is  thus  treated  suffers  great  injury. 
If  he  be  a  shy  child,  easily  rebuffed,  he  is  driven  in 
upon  himself;  if  not,  he  finds  elsewhere  his  confidant 
and  teacher,  and  in  either  case  the  mother  loses  an 
untold  influence  in  the  child's  life.  The  mingling  of 
the  curious  and  the  grotesque  is  as  evident  to  the  child 
in  the  appointments  and  occurrences  of  the  simplest 
home  as  the  same  element  would  be  to  an  older  person 
in  a  Japanese  bazaar.  There  is  the  same  half-learned 
language,  with  its  daily  surprises,  and  the  questions 
asked  indicate  the  difficulties  in  these  first  language 
lessons. 

Observation  and  common-sense  both  teach  us  that 
a  child  does  not  ask  questions  merely  for  the  sake 
of  keeping  up  a  conversation.  The  question,  however 
absurd,  indicates  an  imperfect  knowledge  of  the  sub- 
ject, and  a  desire  for  enlightenment.  For  example: 
At  the  table  a  few  days  ago  my  little  son,  aged  five, 
was  eating  the  meat  from  that  part  of  the  chicken 
commonly  called  the  "wish-bone."  Suddenly  he 
asked,  "Mamma,  why  do  chickens  have  wish-bones?" 
I  was  puzzled  to  know  how  to  answer  this  query,  but 
made  a  mental  note  of  it,  and  the  very  next  time  a 
chicken  was  sent  home  from  market,  Willie  was  in- 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  149 

vited  to  bring  his  high  chair  up  to  the  kitchen  table 
and  see  mamma  dissect  the  fowl.  Each  part  of  the 
anatomy  was  explained,  together  with  its  name  and 
function,  not  leaving  out  the  "wish-bone." 

Those  mothers  who  keep  a  record  of  the  happen- 
ings and  sayings  of  the 'nursery,  will  find  it  quite  as 
satisfactory  to  compare  the  "first  questions"  of  differ- 
ent children  as  the  ages  at  which  the  first  tooth  came 
through  or  the  first  step  was  taken.  The  successive 
steps  along  the  line  of  intellectual  progress  should  not 
be  less  interesting  than  physical  growth,  but  more  so. 


V, 


EARLY  USE  OF  MEMORY. 

A  little  boy's  memory !  So  receptive,  so  retentive ! 
/Vhy  not  use  it  now,  although  so  young,  to  fasten 
some  things  in  his  mind  that  will  never  leave  him? 
The  page  is  so  white  now,  and  whatever  is  written 
there  is  almost  indelible.  We  all  know  how  the 
rhymes  of  "Mother  Goose"  cling  to  one  all  through 
life.  Give  him  "Mother  Goose"  by  all  means.  I  al- 
ways felt  that  I  had  been  defrauded  of  one  of  my 
infant  rights  because  I  was  not  allowed  to  have  it ;  and 
it  was  almost  the  first  book  I  bought  for  my  baby  boy. 
But  while  learning  these  and  the  many  other  nursery 
rhymes  that  are  found  in  the  exquisite  books  which  are 
now  published  for  children,  why  not  teach  some  things 
that  will  be  like  an  "anchor  to  the  soul"  in  days  to 
come? 


1 50  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

Long  before  my  little  boy  was  three  years  old  I 
commenced  to  teach  him  a  verse  of  Scripture  regularly 
each  week.  Surely  that  could  hardly  be  called  "forc- 
ing his  mind.  We  took  them  alphabetically,  and  each 
night  the  little  fellow  repeated  his  "Ask  and  it  shall 
be  given  you,"  "Blessed  are  the  pure  in  heart,"  "Come 
unto  me,"  etc.,  with  a  great  deal  of  pleasure,  and  each 
new  verse  was  an  acquirement  to  be  proud  of. 

Some  one  may  say :  "He  doesn't  understand  them ; 
what  is  the  use  of  filling  his  mind  with  what  to  him 
are  meaningless  words?"  I  don't  think  they  are 
wholly  meaningless  to  him.  He  frequently  asks  me 
what  they  mean,  and  I  try  to  tell  him.  But  though 
he  but  dimly  grasp  the  force  of  what  he  learns,  I  firmly 
believe  the  "Word  of  God"  stored  in  his  mind  now 
will  come  to  him  with  help  and  power  in  time  of 
temptation  in  years  to  come. 

He  has  several  ways  of  earning  money,  and  this  is 
one  of  them :  each  Saturday  night  he  receives  two  cents 
when  he  has  learned  his  verse  perfectly  during  the 
week.  The  other  ways  are  mostly  by  little  self-denials 
or  self-restraints,  so  his  money  is  really  earned. 
When  his  bank  was  first  opened  he  wanted  his  mamma 
to  use  half  the  money  in  buying  stockings  for  the  poor 
little  bare-footed  children  he  saw  in  the  streets  of  our 
neighboring  city,  who  had  greatly  excited  his  pity.  So 
it  was  sent  to  a  friend  who  is  a  city  missionary,  with 
the  request  that  she  should  spend  it  for  stockings,  as 
the  little  one  wished.  He  is  nearly  four  years  old 
now;  and  when  the  letter  came  back  telling  how  the 


WAYS  AND  MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  151 

money  was  disposed  of,  and  the  gratitude  of  the 
children  to  whom  the  gifts  came,  and  of  the  little 
girl  who  said  she  would  "pray  for  Harold  every  night" 
for  sending  her  the  stockings,  he  was  old  enough  to 
think  a  great  deal  about  it,  and  his  mother  felt  that  at 
least  that  step  in  his  education  had  been  taken  in  the 
right  direction. 

I  don't  know  why  all  this  doesn't  apply  to  girls  as 
well  as  boys,  but  "my  girl  was  a  boy,"  so  I  only  speak 
of  what  I  do  know. 


THE   CARE   OF   DELICATE   CHILDREN. 

Perhaps  one  example  like  that  of  the  late  Emperor 
William  I.  might  have  convinced  the  Spartans  that  the 
practice  of  destroying  their  feeble  children  was  not 
always  for  the  good  of  their  state.  The  future  power 
and  usefulness  of  the  puny  William  were  not  probable 
when  Queen  Louise  was  caring  for  and  teaching  him 
in  his  early  childhood.  But  the  example  remains,  an 
encouragement  to  all  mothers  of  weak  children  and 
a  rebuke  to  any  latter-day  Spartan  who  would  labor 
only  for  the  survival  of  the  strongest. 

The  atmosphere  of  "love,  rest,  and  home,"  oftenest 
found  in  the  mother's  presence,  is  especially  needful 
for  the  delicate  child.  This  condition  is  necessary  to 
secure  that  rest  which  is  a  point  more  liable  to  neglect 
with  the  child  than  with  a  grown  person  of  infirm 
health.  Rest  is  often  all  that  is  necessary  to  restore 


152  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

health  to  the  adult,  and  it  is  equally  potent  with  chil- 
dren. But  grown  people,  having  many  sources  of 
mental  refreshment,  can  compel  themselves  to  rest  in 
varying  circumstances,  while  the  young,  weak  child 
fails  of  perfect  rest  without  the  upholding  mother- 
love.  The  look  of  listless  endurance  on  the  face  of  a 
little,  feeble  child  may  as  often  indicate  lack  of  the 
continual  sunshine  of  a  loving  presence  and  care  as 
physical  ailment. 

Said  one  young  mother:  "I  had  to  learn  that  a 
very  small  child  does  not  yield  to  its  feeling  of  weari- 
ness, as  I  supposed,  but  is  as  liable  as  an  adult  to 
overtire  itself  when  interested  in  its  own  play  or 
watching  others." 

The  half-invalid  of  the  household  can  describe  the 
knife-like" pain  in  her  head  when  a  sharp  voice  breaks 
out  in  her  presence ;  but  the  little  child,  after  suffering 
from  a  similar  cause,  shows  only  by  nervousness  and 
ill-temper  the  pain  it  has  undergone.  Even  in  cases 
of  acute  illness  in  children,  quiet  in  the  house  is  not 
always  so  carefully  attended  to  as  with  adults.  There 
is  difficulty  in  keeping  a  houseful  of  children  quiet  dur- 
ing the  sickness  of  a  grown  person;  but  to  keep  as 
many  adults  quiet  when  a  child  is  ill  is  nearly  impos- 
sible. 

An  employment  for  which  a  child  has  shown  special 
adaptation  may  sometimes  be  turned  to  account  as  a 
means  of  rest.  One  litttle  boy  had  always  shown 
great  delight  in  machinery  of  any  kind.  Delicate  from 
birth,  he  was  one  summer,  when  three  years  old,  recov- 


WAYS   AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  153 

ering  from  an  attack  of  severe  illness,  and  a  weary 
road  it  was.  When  amusements  and  doing  nothing 
had  become  alike  a  weariness,  one  thing  was  sure  to 
refresh  and  rest  him.  This  was  for  mamma  to  hold 
him,  and  on  a  sheet  of  paper  to  paint  small  wheels. 
He  would  choose  the  color  from  the  box  for  the  time, 
and  wheel  after  wheel  appeared,  until  he  was  either 
soothed  for  sleep  or  refreshed  to  take  up  his  little 
interest  in  the  world  about  him.  "I  must  have  painted 
thousands  of  wheels  that  summer,"  said  the  mother 
afterwards. 

Children  thrive  best  in  country  air,  but  it  is  not 
wise  to  transfer  them  from  city  to  country  in  all  cir- 
cumstances. The  annual  summer  exodus  from  the 
cities  is  not  of  occupants  of  heated  tenement-houses, 
but,  for  the  most  part,  of  those  who  leave  commodious 
houses,  pleasant  yards,  and  shaded  streets.  Nearly 
every  day  a  boy  runs  past  my  door  whose  summers 
were  spent  in  his  city  home  till  he  had  passed  his  fifth 
year.  Up  to  that  age  the  question  had  arisen  every 
summer  whether  he  should  be  taken  from  home. 
Apart  from  care  about  local  sanitary  conditions,  there 
were  involved  change  of  climate,  diet,  and  medical 
care,  with  the  abridgment  of  much  of  the  comfort  and 
quiet  of  home,  and  his  parents  decided  that  he  had 
not  acquired  strength  enough  to  meet  such  changes. 

People  who  require  two  days  to  rest  after  one  day's 
excursion  will  perhaps  be  thoughtful  as  to  the  kind 
of  short  excursions  they  allow  to  a  feeble  child.  Will 
the  outing  in  its  carriage  be  best,  or  a  visit  for  play 


154  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

and  rest  in  an  unaccustomed  room  ?  Is  a  day's  excur- 
sion to  the  sea-beach  or  the  every-day  digging  in  home 
grounds  better  for  its  health?  These  questions  need 
careful  judgment.  Violent  changes  in  temperature 
and  diet  compressed  into  one  day  often  produce  their 
natural  results  in  acute  disease. 

A  mother's  care  is  particularly  necessary  in  the  diet 
of  a  weak  child,  not  merely  in  choice  of  food,  but  in 
seeing  that  the  child  really  is  sufficiently  fed.  Eating 
too  much  proper  food  at  regular  intervals  is  not  often 
a  difficulty  with  feeble  children.  To  induce  them  to 
take  enough  of  food  that  is  palatable  to  them  and 
that  they  can  assimilate  is  the  great  problem. 

Careful  study  and  experiment  in  foods  are  usually 
necessary  in  providing  for  a  delicate  child.  The 
regimen  for  one  will  probably  suit  no  other.  An  old 
school-friend  was  speaking  to  me  of  her  little  girl, 
nearly  four  years  old.  "You  know  the  prophecies 
about  Alice,"  she  said.  "We  should  'never  raise  her,' 
it  was  said,  and  her  diet  has  sometimes  brought  me 
to  despair.  I  have  read  every  treatise  on  medicine, 
nursing,  and  cookery  that  I  could  obtain,  and  have 
listened  to  physicians',  nurses',  and  grandmothers'  ex- 
perience and  suggestions.  Adding  all  to  my  own 
thought  and  judgment,  I  have  succeeded  in  finding 
food  that  she  liked  and  that  nourished  her,  until  now 
the  chief  study  is  how  to  vary  her  diet  sufficiently." 

One  ground  of  hope  for  the  future  lies  in  the  im- 
j  proved  education  of  the  mothers  of  the  present  day. 
iThese  better  opportunities  have  existed  so  few  years, 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  155 

comparatively,  that  it  is  impossible  to  get  statistics  for 
a  full  judgment.  But,  so  far  as  records  show,  the 
very  small  percentage  of  deaths  among  the  children 
of  women  who  are  college  graduates,  and  the  interest 
which  these  graduates  are  taking  in  all  home  and  sani- 
tary matters,  give  much  reason  for  encouragement. 
With  mothers  acquainted  with  the  laws  of  body  and 
mind,  and  trained  intellects  applied  to  the  business  of 
rearing  chldren,  we  may  look  for  still  greater  increase 
in  health  and  strength  of  the  little  ones. 


THE   CONVALESCENT   BABY. 

There  are  few  persons  whose  pitiful  sympathy  is  not 
awakened  at  sight  of  a  sick  baby.  Whether  the  little 
sufferer  lies  in  a  chamber  of  luxury  or  in  one  poor 
and  bare,  whether  meek  and  languid  or  fretfully  wail- 
ing, the  small,  pinched  face,  wistful,  hollow  eyes,  tiny, 
wasted  hands  appeal  to  every  tender  chord  of  our 
hearts. 

While  the  frail  life  is  in  absolute  danger,  when  it 
seems  that  at  any  moment  the  panting  breath  may 
cease,  the  flickering  pulse  ebb  away  for  ever,  then 
quiet  is  rigorously  enforced  in  the  house,  in  the  dark- 
ened room,  and  softened  tones  and  steps  are  taken 
about  the  little  bed  or  crib.  But  when  the  shadow 
of  the  dread  Angel  is  withdrawn,  and  life's  forces  are 
slowly  but  surely  rallying  back  to  duty,  what  is  the 
treatment  of  the  weak  but  convalescent  baby? 

With  every  loving  thought,  care,  and  sympathy  on 


I56  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

the  alert,  mother  or  nurse,  usually  both,  now  exhaust 
themselves,  every  ingenious  device  (and  the  baby  as 
well),  in  attempts  to  amuse,  interest,  or  pleasure  the 
little  one.  He  is  talked  to  and  at  constantly;  he  is 
told  over  and  over  in  animated  tones  all  he  said,  and 
did,  and  wanted  to  do  during  his  illness,  and  assured 
of  all  that  he  may,  can,  and  shall  do  when  quite  well. 
He  is  told  of  the  welfare  or  mishaps  of  every  cat,  dog, 
calf,  or  chicken  on  the  home  or  neighboring  premises ; 
he  is  duly  informed  whenever  the  doctor  ("who  gave 
him  such  bad  medicine"  or  "made  him  well")  passes, 
until  the  tired,  bewildered  little  brain  must  be  all 
a-throb  with  nervous  excitement.  Long-staying,  loud- 
talking  callers  are  freely  admitted  to  his  chamber, 
or  he  is  borne  down  to  receive  them  and  their  friendly 
comments  and  condolences,  which,  if  a  child  is  old 
enough  to  understand — and  he  understands  sooner 
than  many  are  aware — are  as  distasteful  as  a  bitter 
medicine.  He  is  carried  here  and  there  by  loving, 
indiscreet  relatives,  not  all  of  Avhom  know  just  how  to 
bear  the  small,  emaciated  body  with  greatest  ease  to 
it.  He  must  submit  also  with  good  or  ill-grace  to 
frequent  and  ill-timed  caresses.  An  older  invalid 
would  plead  fatigue,  nervousness,  and  beg,  if  not  in- 
sist, to  "be  excused,"  or  perhaps  more  bluntly  to  be 
"let  alone;"  but  baby  grows  faint  and  weary,  with 
no  protest  but  querulous  wails.  And  if  there  is  a  rise 
of  fever,  or  unwonted  restlessness  or  languor,  the 
anxious  mother  wonders  why  the  child  should  be 
worse. 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN  THE   NURSERY.  157 

Spare  the  convalescent  baby  too  much  talking  to, 
too  much  attempt  to  make  him  talk ;  do  not  excite  him 
even  by  the  introduction  of  too  many  playthings. 
Company  is  often  a  serious  evil  to  the  adult  con- 
valescent, and  it  may  prove  so  to  the  baby  invalid 
when  too  many  sympathetic  but  voluble  friends  strive 
to  out-talk  each  other  in  the  sick-chamber  or  sitting- 
room. 

Do  not  clothe  the  baby  too  soon  in  his  ordinary 
wear ;  soft,  loose  wrappers  easily  put  on  and  off,  with 
warm  but  not  heavy  flannel  underwear,  are  better  for 
the  little  one  than  even  Mother  Hubbard  gowns. 
While  open  air  and  sunshine  are  invaluable  medicines 
for  the  baby  as  soon  as  he  can  take  them,  do  not  give 
him  too  long  rides,  and  be  careful  that  the  carriage 
is  moved  evenly  and  not  too  fast;  sudden  jolts  and 
jars  are  cruel  and  hurtful  to  the  weak  little  passenger. 
And,  above  all,  do  not  keep  him  out  long  enough  to 
be  in  any  way  chilled. 

Cheerful,  quiet,  low,  even  tones,  pleasant  but  not 
too  frequent  surprises  in  the  way  of  little  gifts,  in 
preparation  and  serving  of  food,  in  small  changes 
about  the  room,  etc. — all  these  have  as  great  an  ef- 
fect upon  convalescent  children  as  upon  those  of  larger 
growth,  and  should  be.  practised  and  insisted  upon  by 
every  mother  and  nurse,  or  whoever  it  may  be  that 
cares  for  the  convalescent  baby. 


158  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 


IMAGINATION  RUNNING  RIOT. 

What  pretenders  most  children  are!  They  love  to 
impose  upon  themselves  as  well  as  upon  others.  "I 
must  sit  down  and  study  this  scholar  stuff,"  says  a 
little  boy  in  petticoats  who  can  neither  read  nor  write. 
"O  brother,  you  smile  like  the  dawn  of  the  day !"  says 
one  infant  to  another,  and  then  in  an  undertone  asks : 
"Mamma,  what  is  the  'dawn  of  the  day'?"  To  chil- 
dren the  mysterious  always  appears  imposing.  Wil- 
lie, hearing  his  father  say  that  Willie's  grandmother 
had  expressed  the  wish  to  be  cremated  when  she  dies, 
listened  in  open-mouthed  wonder,  and  went  to  a  neigh- 
bor's at  once  to  communicate  the  intelligence  that  his 
"grandma  is  going  to  be  cream-tartared."  The  same 
boy,  aged  five,  though  several  years  younger  than 
his  sister,  feels  an  almost  manly  superiority  over  her. 
They  were  talking  of  something,  when  he  said:  "I 
knew  that  before  you  were  born."  Alice,  meekly  in- 
dignant, said:  "Why,  Willie,  you  were  not  born 
then."  "Well,  the  lump  of  dirt  I  was  made  of  knew 
it."  What  shall  we  think  of  Ruth,  aged  three,  who 
tore  a  valuable  book  in  the  presence  of  her  father,  and 
when  the  sorrowing  question  was  asked,  "Who  tore 
papa's  dear  book  ?"  said  with  perfect  gravity,  pointing 
to  the  cat  sleeping  behind  the  stove,  "Tommy  did  it  ?" 

It  is  not  that  children  like  little  Ruth  are  wilful  liars, 
but  that  the  child's  imagination  often  outruns  its 
capacity  of  selecting  proper  objects  upon  which  to 


WAYS   AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  i$ 

exercise  it.  I  think  that  a  young  child's  ideas  of  life 
must  often  be  as  unrelated  as  the  bits  of  glass  in  a 
kaleidoscope,  before  trfe  mirrors  which  reflect  and  so 
make  the  perfect  form  are  put  in  place;  and  it  is  only 
when  the  child  can  reason  that  it  becomes  responsible, 
and  should  be  expected,  and  indeed  required,  to  con- 
trol its  imagination. 

THE  COMPANIONSHIP  OF  ANIMAL  PETS. 

One  of  the  educational  agencies  that  often  appear 
to  be  left  far  more  to  chance  than  is  at  all  necessary 
is  the  cultivation  of  a  love  of  animals.  I  mean,  espe- 
cially, of  those  domesticated  animals  which  may  safely 
be  introduced  into  our  nurseries.  I  do  not  urge  this 
only  as  a  means  of  present  amusement — although  any 
one  who  has  watched  how  an  intelligent  child  will  play 
with  a  pet  cat  or  dog  for  almost  any  length  of  time 
with  complete  satisfaction  will  readily  admit  that  there 
is  much  to  be  said  in  favor  of  it  on  those  grounds  also 
— but  it  is  rather  with  a  view  to  the  benefit  likely  to 
accrue  to  the  children  in  the  future  from  these  early 
associations  that  I  venture  to  think  it  is  worth  while 
for  mothers  to  take  some  trouble  to  secure  them. 

I  do  not  suppose  that  every  child  can  be  taught  to 
like  animals.  There  may  be  natural  antipathies  that 
cannot  be  overcome,  but  these  would  always  be  excep- 
tional individual  cases,  and  do  not  alter  the  fact  that, 
generally  speaking,  there  is  room  for  much  to  be  done 
in  this  direction.  The  habits  of  complete  fearlessness 


160  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

in  coming  in  contact  with  animals  is  invaluable  in  later 
years,  and  is  a  source  of  pleasure  always.  Nothing 
insures  this  with  so  much  certainty  as  early  nursery 
familiarity  with  them.  Watching  the  ways  and  do- 
ings of  animals,  particularly  if  their  various  charac- 
teristics are  constantly  pointed  out  to  a  child  as  soon 
as  it  is  beginning  to  observe  the  world  around  it,  will 
probably  inspire  an  interest  in  them  that  will  become 
habitual,  and  which  cannot  possibly  be  produced  in  an 
equal  degree  afterwards. 

There  can  be  no  doubt  that  we  retain  impressions 
from  a  very  early  age,  and  our  likes  and  dislikes 
through  life  are  much  influenced  by  our  first  experi- 
ences. No  detail  of  nursery  management  is  altogether 
trivial  if  looked  at  from  this  point  of  view,  and  it  is 
this  reflection  which  leads  wise  mothers  to  bestow  so 
much  thought  and  pains  upon  apparently  insignificant 
things. 

"I  cannot  put  up  with  dogs  and  cats  about  besides 
the  children!"  is  the  exclamation  of  a  well-meaning 
but  overworked  mother  sometimes;  and  with  many 
children  playing  around,  perhaps  in  small  quarters, 
such  a  statement  at  first  sight  does  not  appear  un- 
reasonable But  if  the  said  mother  realized  that  asso- 
ciation with  these  animals  was  likely  to  have  a  bene- 
ficial effect  upon  the  children  she  would  not  usually 
be  slow  to  submit  to  the  additional  inconvenience. 

Some  care  must  be  taken  in  selecting  animals  that 
may  safely  be  trusted  in  the  nursery;  for  it  is  as  im- 
portant to  avoid  giving  a  child  a  fright  as  it  is  to 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  161 

directly  cultivate  a  friendly  feeling  for  the  household 
pet.  Many  a  man  or  woman  can  trace  back  an  aver- 
sion to  dogs  and  cats — strong  enough,  in  some  cases, 
to  require  all  their  self-control  if  they  are  to  sit  quietly 
in  a  room  with  these  inoffensive  creatures — to  some 
shock  received  through  an  unlucky  incident  connected 
with  one  of  the  species  in  childhood;  and  thus  what 
might  have  been  a  lasting  pleasure  becomes  a  positive 
source  of  discomfort  in  the  ordinary  conditions  of  life. 
Very  young  animals  are  apt  to  be  rough  in  their  play, 
and  so  it  is  not  well  to  let  them  come  in  contact  with 
children  who  are  too  young  to  understand  this;  but 
as  soon  as  they  are  of  an  age  to  fully  realize  that  the 
roughess  is  only  play  there  is  no  risk  in  so  doing.  It 
is  curious  to  notice,  too,  how  gentle  most  animals  are 
with  children  if  they  have  been  brought  up  with  them, 
and  to  watch  the  amount  of  pulling  about  that  tRey 
will  stand  from  childish  hands  with  undisturbed 
equanimity. 

As  children  grow  more  observant  and  thoughtful 
the  care  of  living  pets  is  a  most  useful  means  of  de- 
veloping their  sympathies.  To  let  a  child  help  in  the 
process  of  feeding  birds,  squirrels,  silk-worms,  etc., 
will  not  only  be  a  daily  delight,  but  will  gradually  teach 
a  thoughtfulness  for  things  dependent  upon  us;  thus 
lessons  of  lasting  importance  will  be  combined  with 
the  transient  amusement.  I  have  heard,  some  parents 
say  that  they  do  not  wish  their  children  to  possess 
live  pets  until  they  are  of  an  age  to  look  after  them 
properly.  It  has  always  seemed  to  me  a  mistake  to 


162  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

adopt  this  plan.  Sustained  effort  of  any  sort  is  too 
much  to  expect  from  children.  It  is  a  fatal  mistake 
to  associate  the  care  of  any  living  thing  with  constant 
reproaches  concerning  it,  and  some  occasional  neglect 
will  almost  inevitably  occur  and  render  these  necessary 
if  a  child  has  sole  charge  of  any  pet  when  too  young 
for  the  responsibility.  When  the  novelty  has  worn 
off  the  trouble  of  daily  attending  to  any  of  these  liv- 
ing creatures  will  soon  outweigh  the  charms  of  pos- 
session, and  if  it  is  desired  to  make  them  objects  of 
affection  a  different  course  must  be  pursued. 

When  children  have  been  interested  in  watching 
the  attention  paid  to  birds  or  pet  animals  from  early 
days,  and  learned  to  regard  it  as  a  privilege  to  be 
trusted  to  give  them  the  needed  care  occasionally,  un- 
til they  are  fit  to  be  allowed  to  look  after  them  with- 
out assistance,  the  result  will  be  far  more  satisfactory. 
The  interest  already  established  will  do  more  to  pre- 
vent neglect  than  any  amount  of  subsequent  scolding 
and  reminding  on  the  subject;  so  children  and  pets 
will  both  derive  benefit  from  this  arrangement. 

Children  brought  up  in  the  country  are  infinitely 
better  off  than  town  children  in  the  matter  of  gaining 
an  insight  into  the  ways  and  doings  of  living  things; 
but  it  is  noteworthy  that  even  those  children  brought 
up  in  their  midst  gain  comparatively  little  knowledge 
of  their  nature  and  habits  if  the  eager  interest  which 
children  generally  feel  in  everything  new  to  them  is 
not  wisely  encouraged  and  directed.  Of  the  two,  it 
seems  to  me  more  important  that  mothers  living  in 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  163 

the  city  should  turn  their  attention  to  this  matter,  and 
see  how  much  may  be  accomplished  with  their  com- 
paratively limited  opportunities;  for,  although  it  is 
possible  not  to  make  the  most  of  the  advantages  of- 
fered by  the  country  in  this  respect,  it  is  not  likely  that 
country  children  will  grow  up  with  that  profound  in- 
difference to  the  various  forms  of  animal  life  around 
them  which  is  only  too  frequent  an  occurrence  in 
towns. 

To  provide  nearly  all  children  at  an  early  age  with 
live  pets  of  some  kind  needs  careful  attention  from 
mothers,  but  no  special  knowledge  on  their  part.  It 
will  be  much  easier  to  supplement  the  interest  in  ani- 
mals, which  has  become  a  part  of  the  child's  daily 
life,  with  more  detailed  instruction  concerning  them 
by  and  by,  if  that  is  considered  desirable,  than  to  en- 
deavor to  create  this  interest  in  the  first  instance  later 
on.  That  this  is  a  useful  means  of  teaching  children 
gentleness  and  consideration  must  be  obvious  to  all; 
and,  as  nearly  all  cruelty  arises  from  fear  and  ignor- 
ance, we  can  scarcely  do  better  than  cultivate  their 
imagination  by  turning  it  in  this  practical  direction. 

We  cannot  provide  children  with  too  many  objects 
of  interest  in  the  world  around  them,  nor  are  we  likely 
to  overestimate  the  extent  to  which  the  habit  of  ready 
interest  in  everything  may  enrich  their  future  lives. 
Everything  which  concentrates  a  child's  interest  on 
some  fact  outside  its  own  personal  existence  is  of 
service  to  that  child,  even  though  in  early  days  it  can 
only  think  of  the  object  that  arrests  its  attention  as 


1 64  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

invested  with  the  same  feelings  as  itself.  "Why  are 
you  pulling  up  all  those  sticks  from  your  garden?"  I 
asked  a  small  boy  of  three  years  a  few  weeks  ago. 
"Because  I'm  going  to  bed,  and  perhaps  if  the  little 
sticks  were  to  wake  up  in  the  night  they  mightn't 
like  to  find  themselves  standing  up,"  he  replied,  with 
a  serious  expression. 

The  fancies,  so  real  to  children,  which  they  connect 
with  inanimate  things  can  be  utilized  with  still  greater 
profit  when  associated  with  living  creatures:  The 
companionship  which  children  manage  to  extract  from 
dolls  and  toys  by  investing  them  with  imaginary  pow- 
ers can  be  obtained  with  at  least  equal  facility  from 
the  familiar  canine  friend;  and  the  idea  that  the  dog 
or  cats  "wants  to  play"  often  renders  a  game  specially 
attractive  to  a  child  left  to  amuse  itself.  I  know  of 
a  bright  little  boy  who  went  up  to  the  breakfast-table 
to  finish  bread  and  milk,  when  one  of  his  sisters 
stopped  him  with  the  remark:  "Don't  take  that, 
Harry;  the  dog  has  been  drinking  out  of  the  basin." 
"But  I  thought  he  had  had  all  he  wanted,"  replied  the 
child,  evidently  perceiving  no  drawback  to  their  using 
the  same  vessel,  provided  the  dog  had  a  fair  share !  I 
would  not  be  supposed  to  advocate  that  children  and 
dogs  should  take  their  meals  together  in  this  fashion ; 
but  I  thought  a  child  brought  up  on  such  friendly 
terms  with  the  four-footed  member  of  the  family  had 
a  distinct  advantage  over  those  children  who  are 
brought  up  in  a  vague  terror  of  dogs  or  cats,  or  taught 
to  disregard  them. 


WAYS  AND   MEANS  IN   THE   NURSERY.  165 

We  must  not  forget,  in  our  endeavor  to  instil  what 
we  believe  to  be  desirable  into  these  young  minds,  that 
our  example  will  have  more  influence  than  our  pre- 
cepts. It  will  be  of  no  service  to  tell  children  how 
animals  ought  to  be  treated  if  we  behave  capriciously 
towards  them  ourselves,  because  children  are  essen- 
tially imitative,  and  what  we  do  has  infinitely  greater 
effect  upon  them  than  what  we  say.  If  a  mother 
jumps  upon  a  chair  at  the  sight  of  a  mouse,  or  screams 
at  the  appearance  of  a  frog  or  a  toad,  it  is  more  than 
probable  that  her  children  will  conceive  an  aversion  for 
them  that  they  will  not  easily  overcome  afterwards. 
It  may  be  difficult  for  her  to  avoid  showing  her  own 
inveterate  antipathies,  but  if  it  is  clear  to  her  that  this 
self-control  will  benefit  her  children,  I  think  nearly 
every  woman  would  prove  equal  to  the  demand  made 
upon  her.  "For  the  sake  of  the  children"  is  a  powerful 
incentive  to  most  mothers ;  and  if  its  effect  is  proverbial 
in  great  matters  I  do  not  think  its  utility  should  be 
despised  as  a  motive  to  consistent  action  in  small  ones. 
It  seems  to  me  that  mothers  are  often  careless  and  in- 
judicious in  the  management  of  their  little  ones,  not  so 
much  because  they  shrink  from  any  amount  of  self- 
sacrifice,  whether  in  small  things  or  great,  but  because 
they  fail  to  perceive  the  relative  importance,  with  re- 
gard to  the  general  education,  of  things  that  in  them- 
selves are  mere  trifles. 

I  have  known  several  children  in  different  families 
with  a  curious  horror  of  common  flies  and  flying  in- 
sects of  any  kind.  I  can  recall  one  little  girl  in  par- 


1 66  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

ticular,  who  would  play  fearlessly  with  the  cat  and 
the  dog  before  she  could  toddle,  but  who  screamed 
violently  at  the  sight  of  a  fly  on  the  window  or  ceiling, 
and  if  one  alighted  on  herself  her  terror  was  pitiable 
to  see.  Luckily  for  the  child  in  question,  she  was  the 
youngest  of  a  family  where  such  a  peculiarity  was  pa- 
tiently dealt  with,  and  by  dint  of  gentleness  when  the 
child  was  frightened,  and  constantly  calling  her  at- 
tention to  flies  crawling  on  her  mother's  hands,  or  on 
her  little  brothers  and  sisters,  she  was  gradually  con- 
vinced how  harmless  they  were.  She  quite  overcame 
her  aversion  by  slow  degrees,  and,  now  that  she  is  a 
woman,  no  vestige  of  her  dislike  lingers,  and  she  re- 
fers with  a  smile  to  her  childish  terror,  though  she 
distinctly  remembers  how  vivid  it  was. 

To  quote  the  words  of  a  wise  writer :  "The  blessed- 
ness of  life  depends  far  more  on  its  interest  than  upon 
its  comfort ;"  and  the  more  mothers  recognize  this  the 
more  earnest  will  be  their  endeavors  to  inculcate  such 
habits  in  the  nursery  as  will  provide  the  rising  genera- 
tion with  interests  that  are  not  likely  to  forsake  them, 
whatever  may  be  the  circumstances  of  their  future 
lives.  Whether  we  consider  the  positive  or  negative 
advantages  of  a  careful  bringing  up  in  respect  to  this 
subject,  we  shall  find  it  worth  our  attention.  It  is 
much  to  be  spared  sensations  of  fear  that  may  cause 
us  frequent  annoyance  in  every-day  life,  and  if  the 
very  source  of  our  discomfort  can  be  transformed  into 
a  means  of  actual  pleasure,  surely  a  definite  good  will 
have  been  achieved. 


WAYS  AND   MEANS  IN  THE   NURSERY.  167 


CHILDREN   OF  LARGE  FAMILIES. 

"Talk  about  enjoying  one's  children — I  endured 
mine,"  said  a  lady  who  had  had  five  babies  in  as  many 
years.  Though  not  in  the  least  lacking  in  natural 
affection,  she  had  neither  time  nor  strength  to  enjoy 
her  babies.  Others  might  admire  and  cuddle  them  in 
their  dainty  clothes,  but  how  was  she  to  do  other  than 
endure  them,  with  their  ever-recurring  demands  upon 
her  time  and  her  health  ?  Her  case  is  rather  an  excep- 
tional one;  but  that  any  mother  of  a  comparatively 
large  family  may  be  permitted  to  enjoy  her  children, 
requires  much  wisdom  in  management  and  some  sacri- 
fice of  vanity,  unless  her  purse  be  a  very  long  one. 

There  are  women  who  rear  large  families  of  chil- 
dren, do  their  housework,  and  make  their  own  and 
their  children's  clothes,  accomplishing  all  creditably, 
and  with  more  equanimity,  than  another  woman  shows 
in  managing  her  lone  chicken,  with  all  the  aids  im- 
aginable. There  are  still  others  who  do  not  cover  quite 
so  wide  a  field,  but  run  large  families  without  an 
abundance  of  help,  and  yet  escape  being  utterly  dis- 
tracted and  overcome  by  the  exigencies  of  the  case. 
The  question  is  as  to  how  they  do  it,  since  to  many 
women  falls  the  lot  of  motherhood  in  the  prime  of  life. 

The  mother  who  is  to  rear  a  large  number  of  chil- 
dren should  have  fairly  good  health,  which  can  often 
be  had  by  a  little  prudence  at  the  right  time.  Many  a 
woman  reared  in  luxurv  overworks  herself  on  the  eve 


1 68  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

of  some  journey  or  social  event.  A  little  foresight  and 
resolution  will  preserve  to  most  women,  in  any  station, 
a  fair  amount  of  health.  An  even  allowance  of  exercise 
is  good;  it  is  usually  the  undue  strain  put  suddenly 
upon  an  unaccustomed  frame  which  works  mischief. 

As  a  rule,  the  "smart  woman,"  who  fills  her  sister- 
hood with  amazement  and  a  sense  of  shame  in  view 
of  their  own  meaner  performances,  is  beforehand  with 
her  work.  She  takes  the  quieter,  expectant  months 
of  motherhood  to  do  many  things  that  would  crowd 
her  sadly  while  under  the  sway  of  a  young  baby.  The 
layette  is  not  only  made,  and  made  of  a  good  size,  that 
the  garments  may  last  a  year  by  shortening,  but  her 
own  wardrobe  is  put  in  good  condition,  that  she  may 
not  be  caught  in  the  distressed,  semi-dressed  condition 
which  created  in  her  a  horror  of  motherhood  when  she 
was  a  girl.  Closets  and  drawers  are  put  in  order,  and 
all  the  little  things  accomplished  which  require  time, 
while  she  has  still  time  to  spare.  If  she  has  older 
children,  their  clothes  are  also  prepared  with  an  eye 
to  the  future,  while  the  youngest  is  gently  but  firmly 
weaned  from  his  baby  privileges  and  trained  to  com- 
parative independence,  that  the  wrench  may  not  come 
upon  him  and  his  mother  too  suddenly  in  the  time  of 
her  prostration.  All  these  little  activities,  if  indulged 
in  with  moderation,  give  the  expectant  mother  a  health- 
ful amount  of  exercise,  a  hopeful  prospect  for  the 
future,  and  occupy  her  mind  so  that  it  is  not  a  prey  to 
nervous  fancies  and  forebodings. 

During  the  trying  reign  of  the  new  baby — that  is, 


WAYS  AND   MEANS  IN  THE   NURSERY.       ^1169 

from  the  time  he  is  born  until  he  walks,  and  is  thus 
comparatively  independent — she  is  resolute  not  to  be 
too  much  enslaved.  She  knows  that  what  regards  his 
health  is  of  the  utmost  importance  to  herself  as  well 
as  to  him;  but  she  will  insist  upon  his  entertaining 
himself  as  much  as  possible  by  his  own  resources  and 
not  too  much  at  the  expense  of  her  time  and  strength. 
Any  one  who  observes  young  children  will  see  that 
those  who  are  judiciously  neglected  are,  as  a  rule,  bet- 
ter-natured  and  healthier  than  those  who  are  constantly 
in  arms.  Thus  her  house  and  her  other  children  do 
not  suffer  materially,  and  she  escapes  the  fretful  feeling 
of  being  forever  tied  down  in  view  of  duties  which  are 
always  postponed  and  ever  accumulating.  Of  course, 
there  may  come  a  time  when  she  has  an  exceptional 
child,  a  baby  invalid — the  most  exacting  of  all  invalids 
—who  must  be  cared  for  at  the  expense  of  all  else; 
and  the  mother  must  resolutely  close  her  eyes  to  all 
the  undone  things  around  her.  Then  what  has  been 
accomplished  beforehand  will  stand  her  in  good  stead. 
The  woman  who  is  rearing  a  goodly  lot  of  children 
should  rigidly  eschew  that  which  goes  for  mere  dis- 
play in  dress.  A  handsome  child,  handsomely  dressed, 
is  an  attractive  sight;  but  who  that  loves  children  has 
not  been  as  well  pleased  with  a  bright  little  sun-tanned 
face  above  a  neat  gingham  apron,  which  is  so  sugges- 
tive of  freedom  and  good  times?  Fine  dress  has  a 
doubtful  effect  on  children's  manners  and  morals,  par- 
ticularly where  the  family  purse  is  strained  and  the 
mother's  health  and  nerves  are  sacrificed  in  its  inter- 


170  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD    TRAINING. 

est.  In  such  a  case,  the  attention  which  she  should 
be  giving  to  the  internal  furniture  of  the  little  bodies, 
the  directing  of  thought  and  habits,  is  expended  upon 
external  decoration,  at  a  great  expense  to  herself  as 
well. 

A  child's  dress  may  indicate  refinement  and  taste 
without  any  great  outlay  of  time  or  money.  For  young 
children  a  fine  material,  simply  made,  is  far  better  than 
an  overloading  of  trimming. 

In  the  dress  of  a  baby  there  is  nothing  so  desirable 
as  cleanliness.  A  mother  can  make  a  dozen  plain,  white 
dresses  while  she  is  laboring  over  two  or  three  elabor- 
ate ones.  But  there  is  the  laundrying.  Too  much 
must  not  be  put  upon  faithful  Bridget,  where  there 
are  so  many  little  ones  to  wash  for.  But  it  is  not  the 
washing  of  the  small,  soft  garment,  it  is  the  "doing 
up,"  which  makes  the  labor.  Then  let  the  little  every- 
day frocks  go  without  starch,  which  is  an  inartistic 
element,  and  let  baby  have  his  two  or  three  plain 
dresses  a  day,  if  need  be,  to  keep  him  sweet  and  clean, 
rather  than  have  him  exist  much  of  the  time  in  soiled 
furbelows,  and  hastily  ram  him  into  something  clean 
when  any  one  comes. 

For  older  children,  boys  and  girls,  strong,  dark 
aprons,  neatly  made  and  well-fitted,  are  a  great  com- 
fort and  economy.  They  may  be  worn  in  the  house, 
at  play,  or  in  the  country,  out-of-doors.  A  child's 
dress  should  be  such  that  he  may  be  allowed  as  much 
freedom  of  exercise  as  possible  without  constant  ad- 
monitions from  worried  mamma,  who  sees  her  work 


WAYS   AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  171 

rapidly  going  to  destruction.  The  mother  should  put 
vanity  aside,  and  resolutely  save  herself  undue  anxiety 
about  trifles,  and  her  children  the  tormenting  nagging 
which  makes  her  voice  a  terror  to  them. 

Children  of  a  large  household  are  happier  and  better 
disciplined  for  life  than  those  raised  singly.  The  last 
baby  eagerly  joins  in  the  plays  of  his  brothers  and  sis- 
ters as  soon  as  he  can  toddle  after  them,  and  leaves 
his  mother  to  comparative  liberty.  The  children  of 
a  large  family  do  not  pine  for  companionship  and  are 
early  trained  to  rub  against  and  bear  with  their  equals 
— an  invaluable  lesson,  while  they  unconsciously  ac- 
quire strong  natural  affections,  despite  their  frequent 
disagreements. 

The  wise  mother  of  a  large  family  cultivates  inde- 
pendence in  all  her  children.  They  are  early  allowed 
to  learn  to  care  for  their  own  persons  with  due  super- 
vision, they  are  permitted  to  settle  their  own  disputes 
as  much  as  is  consistent  with  justice  and  good  train- 
ing, and  they  are  forced  to  depend  on  their  own  re- 
sources for  entertainment,  thus  becoming  more  in- 
ventive and  active.  If  she  have  fair  health,  resolution 
and  energy,  such  a  mother  may  order  her  little  com- 
munity with  success,  accomplish  wonders  in  the  eyes 
of  her  less  spirited  sisters,  and  still  find  time  to  enjoy 
her  children  and  lay  the  foundation  for  that  good  un- 
derstanding between  parent  and  child  which  makes 
her  a  force  in  their  future  and  so  in  the  future  of  the 
race. 


172  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 


A  MOTHER'S   FRIGHT. 

For  almost  a  year  Elizabeth  had  thought 'that  the 
only  thing  her  home  lacked  to  make  it  perfect  was 
the  presence  of  a  baby  boy;  she  dreamed  of  him  by 
night  and  planned  for  him  by  day. 

He  came  at  length,  and  he  and  she  made  acquaint- 
ance with  each  other  as  they  lived  for  a  time  in  that 
peaceful  world  inhabited  only  by  the  new-born  baby 
and  its  mother.  A  great  many  thoughts  came  to 
Elizabeth,  and  one  which  grew  alarmingly  was  this, 
that  the  day  would  soon  arrive  when  she  would  be 
left  alone  with  him  in  earnest  and  with  her  own 
judgment  to  rely  upon.  She  remembered  a  great 
many  things — how  she  had  once  forgotten  to  feed  her 
canary;  how  her  little  dog  had  been  obliged  to  beg 
for  his  dinner  sometimes  by  means  of  hard  wagging 
of  his  tail  and  licking  of  his  chops.  Her  old,  care- 
less way  of  leaving  pins  and  needles  and  her  thimble 
around  seemed  to  rise  before  her ;  a  remark  her  grand- 
mother had  made  years  before  came  to  her  mind;  it 
seemed  to  her  that  she  could  hear  her  grandmother's 
voice  saying,  "A  button  box  under  certain  circum- 
stances is  as  dangerous  as  a  loaded  pistol."  She  won- 
dered how  she  would  know  when  the  baby  was  hun- 
gry or  sick;  she  planned  out  worries  and  troubles  for 
herself. 

There  came  to  her,  when  she  was  thought  to  be 
strong  enough  to  bear  them,  letters  of  admonition  from 


WAYS   AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  173 

distant  friends;  those  who  had  no  children  seemed, 
strangely  enough,  to  have  the  clearest  conception  of 
a  mother's  duty  and  of  a  child's  capacity.  To  a  natur- 
ally timid,  excitable,  and  totally  undisciplined  nature 
these  warnings  and  suggestions  added  fuel  to  a  fire 
that  had  burned  not  dimly  since  the  baby's  birth.  If 
anything  had  happened  to  him  she  would  have  felt 
herself  entirely  to  blame;  if  he  had  died  she  would 
have  felt  like  a  murderer. 

He  did  not  die,  but  commenced  an  active  career  by 
falling  out  of  a  rocking-chair,  where  she  had  placed 
him  on  a  pillow ;  a  lump  rose  on  his  temple,  and  she 
put  a  piece  of  brown  paper  wet  with  vinegar  on  it, 
and  they  both  cried  till  he  went  to  sleep.  When  the 
father  came  home  and  saw  the  bruise,  the  look  of 
questioning,  not  unmixed  with  reproach,  which  he 
cast  upon  her  cut  like  a  knife. 

The  second  fright  which  Elizabeth  experienced  oc- 
curred when  the  baby  was  about  six  months  old;  he 
fell  off  the  bed  and  fainted  away.  The  shock  was  so 
great  to  her  that  she  fainted  too,  for  the  first  time  in 
her  life,  after  the  baby  had  revived  and  seemed  to  be 
all  right  again. 

Six  months  later  she  was  standing  by  the  window 
watching  her  trusty  nurse-girl  as  she  drew  the  baby 
up  and  down  the  pleasant,  shady  street;  suddenly,  as 
the  girl  turned  the  carriage,  the  baby,  pillows,  wraps, 
and  all  rolled  out  and  off  down  into  the  gutter.  She 
flew  breathlessly  down  the  stairs  and  out  of  the  house 
just  as  the  nurse  had  gathered  up  the  smiling  baby, 


I74  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

who  actually  seemed  to  have  enjoyed  his  tumble;  but 
his  mother's  hands  trembled  all  the  rest  of  the  day  and 
she  woke  crying  in  the  night.  She  watched,  just  as 
she  had  after  the  fall  from  the  bed,  for  signs  of  cerebral 
excitement,  and  for  days  after,  if  the  baby  made  an 
unexpected  movement,  the  mother's  heart  hammered 
against  her  side  and  gave  those  big  throbs  which  it  is 
believed  no  heart  but  a  weak  and  anxious  mother's 
ever  gives. 

The  bumps,  tumbles,  and  bruises  which  the  venture- 
some baby  experienced  during  the  year  furnished  a 
great  deal  of  exercise  for  the  mother,  which  tended 
to  reduce  flesh  and  to  deepen  the  two  little  lines  over 
the  nose  which  are  the  trade-mark  of  trouble.  A 
chronic  condition  of  being  startled  gave  a  wildness  to 
the  expression  of  Elizabeth's  eyes,  and  her  friends  all 
said  they  never  saw  a  girl  grow  old  so  fast. 

Not  long  after  the  boy  had  reached  his  third  year, 
he  disappeared  one  morning  up  the  stairs  slightly  in 
advance  of  his  mother,  and  was  found  immediately  af- 
ter where  he  had  crawled  through  a  half-open  window, 
sitting  astride  an  eaves-trough,  and  looking  about  with 
an  abandon  of  delight  not  participated  in  by  the  mother, 
who  dragged  him  back  to  a  safer  if  less  interesting 
position. 

By  the  time  Elizabeth's  boy  was  five  years  old  she 
had  learned  a  few  things:  her  child  had  both  eyes, 
all  his  fingers,  and  had  no  scars  worth  mentioning,  but 
during  these  years  his  mother's  heart  had  never  been 
truly  tranquil;  every  child's  cry  appealed  to  her,  she 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN  THE   NURSERY.  175 

felt  that  she  was  wanted  if  any  child  anywhere  called 
"mamma."  She  even  fancied  that  she  heard  herself 
called  when  she  knew  she  was  not. 

Comparing  notes  with  other  mothers,  she  finds  that 
her  experience  is  not  an  uncommon  one,  and  she  has 
sought  an  answer  to  the  question:  Is  it  possible  to 
avoid  this  friction  between  spirit  and  body  which  has 
almost  worn  her  out? 

She  is  convinced  that  in  her  case  the  lamentable  con- 
dition of  her  nerves  is  due  largely  to  a  defect  in  her 
education.  She  does  not  blame  her  mother  for  not  be- 
ing in  advance  of  her  time;  she  believes  it  is  due  in 
some  degree  to  the  notion  that  prevailed  when  she  was 
a  girl,  that  the  perfectly  womanly  woman  is  no  Prin- 
cess Ida  as  Tennyson  pictures  her,  with  calm  nerves 
and  clear  brain,  with  warm  interest  in  the  large  affairs 
of  the  world.  No  sentiment  was  so  loudly  applauded 
at  that  time  as  that  expressed  by  meek  Evangeline's 
sweet  and  humble  answer:  "I  cannot  reason;  I  can 
only  feel."  Herein  lay  the  difficulty,  and  to  some 
extent  it  exists  still;  the  susceptibility  to  feeling  was 
cultivated ;  to  be  easily  moved  to  tears  indicated,  or  was 
supposed  to  indicate,  a  tender  heart,  a  depth  of  feeling 
which  was  not  only  interesting,  but  vastly  helpful. 

To  be  afraid  of  little  harmless  things  was  sweeter 
far  and  more  winning  than  to  have  a  knowledge  of 
their  structure;  the  girl  who  climbed  the  fence,  shut 
her  eyes  and  screamed  at  sight  of  a  snake,  was  more 
attractive  than  the  one  who  calmly  stood  her  ground 
and  frightened  it  away  or  killed  it. 


176  .OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

Elizabeth  says,  were  she  to  begin  life  over  again  in- 
stead of  just  going  on  with  the  later  part  of  it,  she 
would  endeavor  to  cultivate  in  herself  and  in  her  chil- 
dren the  reason,  even  if,  as  a  zealot,  she  did  it  at  the 
expense  of  the  feelings.  But  this  is  by  no  means  neces- 
sary; the  well-developed  reasoning  faculties,  the  quick 
control  over  rebellious  forces,  may  exist  without  cor- 
responding loss.  If  from  the  first  dawn  of  intelligence 
a  child  were  guided  with  this  object  in  view,  an  un- 
doubted gain  in  character  would  result,  and  the  reflex 
action  upon  the  mother  would  be  invaluable. 

If  children  were  taught  self-control,  and  also  to  take 
a  reasonable  interest  in  their  own  disposition;  if  their 
own  peculiar  temper  were  to  be  described  to  them  seri- 
ously, and  not,  as  it  so  frequently  is,  in  passionate 
moments  only,  good  would  result.  It  does  not  require 
large  knowledge  and  experience  to  see  how  preferable 
in  almost  all  cases  is  calm  judgment  to  a  spasmodic, 
emotional  way  of  dealing  with  people.  "The  impulse 
is  the  man,"  as  Emerson  says,  but  it  is  the  man's  busi- 
ness in  life  to  control  the  impulse  on  many  occasions ; 
and  it  is  assuredly  the  woman's  place  to  teach  her  chil- 
dren to  keep  some  reserve  forces  with  which  to  deal 
with  emergencies. 

The  child  who  screams  and  shudders  at  the  sight  of 
a  harmless  little  worm  crawling  on  the  skirt  of  her 
dress,  should  be  taken  in  hand  and  be  helped  to  look 
at  it  just  as  it  is,  and  not  allow  her  perhaps  natural 
repugnance  to  creeping  things  to  overcome  her  reason. 
Nerve-training  ought  to  be  a  part  of  the  education  we 


WAYS  AND   MEANS   IN   THE   NURSERY.  177 

give  our  children;  our  girls  especially  need  it,  since 
so  many  of  them  seem  to  have  inherited  a  distorted  and 
grotesque  habit  of  thought  and  feeling.  Let  us  teach 
our  children  to  be  ashamed  of  exhibitions  of  ground- 
less fear.  Appeals  to  their  self-respect  are  rarely  lost. 


IV 
UNUSUAL    TRAITS 


A  REMARKABLY   PRECOCIOUS   CHILD. 

I  send  a  brief  account  of  my  little  nephew,  whose 
natural  mental  development  seems  to  be  remarkable. 
At  two  years  old,  or  thereabouts,  he  learned  his  letters 
(the  large  ones)  from  playing  with  a  set  of  alphabet 
blocks.  At  a  little  over  three  he  had  a  present  of  a 
box  of  "sliced  birds"  with  names  attached.  From 
these  he  at  once  taught  himself  to  read,  learned  the 
small  letters  without  assistance,  and  at  three-and-a-half 
could  read  almost  any  word  or  words  he  saw ;  at  four 
he  could  read  in  any  book,  and  now  at  four  years  and 
five  months  he  will  read  for  hours  for  his  own  amuse- 
ment in  any  book  he  prefers,  his  present  favorite 
being  the  Bible — the  last  was  the  Encyclopedia  Bri- 
tannica.  He  has  never  been  taught  to  spell,  but  can 
spell  any  word  he  has  ever  seen,  the  length  presenting 
no  difficulty;  thus,  it  is  quite  as  easy  for  him  to  spell 
hippopotamus  as  cat,  etc.  He  never  seemed  to  mind 
the  differences  in  English  spelling,  a  little  confusion  of 
the  hard  and  soft  c  being  his  only  trouble,  as  when  he 
would  speak  of  "ankent  Rome,"  having  seen  but  not 
heard  the  word  "ancient."  He  punctuates  and  ac- 
cents very  correctly.  While  learning  to  read  he  took 
up  the  study  of  geography,  which  he  pursued  from 
maps.  He  now  knows  all  the  countries  in  the  world, 


1 82  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

their  principal  rivers,  cities,  etc.,  and  their  situation 
in  respect  to  each  other;  the  States  of  the  Union,  and 
their  capitals  and  principal  towns;  the  English  coun- 
ties, and  much  else  which  I  have  not  space  to  write 
about — all  as  readily  without  the  map  as  with  it.  He 
has  several  dissected  maps,  and  puts  them  together 
with  absolute  certainty,  as  easily  with  the  wrong  side 
up  as  with  the  right,  and  will  name  any  piece  by  seeing 
it  on  the  wrong  side.  When  asked  to  bound  a  country 
selected  at  random  he  does  so  slowly  but  correctly, 
evidently  from  a  picture  in  his  mind.  How  much  he 
could  learn  if  he  were  instructed,  or  even  encouraged, 
it  is  impossible  to  tell.  His  friends  at  first  used  to 
amuse  themselves  a  little  with  playing  with  him — giv- 
ing him  letters  to  make  into  words,  which,  at  three- 
and-a-half  he  could  do  with  wonderful  quickness,  etc. 
— but  now  have  long  endeavored  to  keep  him  back.  He 
is  kept  out-of-doors  as  much  as  possible,  where  he  is 
very  happy  and  content  and  fond  of  play,  but  indoors 
he  cares  little  for  anything  in  comparison  with  books, 
to  which  he  is  always  recurring,  and  if  the  one  he 
especially  wants  is  hidden  he  will  take  the  first  he 
can  find,  and  when  forgotten  once  or  twice  has  spent 
from  two  to  three  hours  over  them  without  stirring. 
He  is  very  persevering,  and  if  he  hears  the  name  of 
any  place  new  to  him  will  hunt  for  it  for  hours,  and 
even  days,  till  he  finds  it,  and  will  work  over  long, 
foreign  geographical  names,  pronouncing  one  syllable 
at  a  time,  and  combining  them  by  degrees  till  he  gets  a 
very  fair  approximation  to  the  sound. 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  183 

I  wonder  if  there  are  any  parallel  cases  and  what 
others  would  advise.  Charlie  was  a  very  small,  deli- 
cate baby,  and  when  at  six  months  his  mother  was 
forced  to  wean  him  he  would  probably  not  have  lived 
but  for  the  best  of  wet-nursing,  which  seemed  to  work 
a  change  in  his  constitution.  He  is  now  a  blooming 
healthy-looking  child,  and  very  rarely  ill,  with  a  very 
good  appetite,  and  a  sound  sleeper.  He  is  tall  and 
slender  in  build  (like  both  his  parents),  very  fair,  with 
a  well-shaped  head  of  the  high  and  narrow  type,  but 
rather  small  than  otherwise  in  proportion.  His  teeth 
came  very  late.  He  has  a  nervous  temperament,  and 
is  rather  excitable,  but  by  good  care  and  country  air 
this  is  so  counteracted  that  he  does  not  manifest  it 
much.  He  is  playful  and  sometimes  very  mischievous, 
and,  although  he  makes  a  great  many  clever  speeches, 
which  sound  more  so  because  his  language,  derived 
from  books,  is  curiously  mature,  he  is  still  very  much 
of  a  baby  in  his  ways  of  thinking.  His  memory  for 
people  and  faces  has  always  been  remarkable.  When 
he  was  eighteen  months  old  I  went  away  for  four 
months  (  I  had  always  lived  in  the  next  house  and 
seen  him  daily),  and  he  knew  me  immediately  on  my 
return,  recognizing  my  voice  before  he  saw  me. 
There  have  been  children  of  similar  precocity  in  the 
family  on  both  sides  who  lived  to  grow  up,  and  I  can- 
not see  that  he  has  any  symptoms  to  cause  present 
anxiety,  but  I  am  rather  worried  about  possibilities. 
To  deprive  him  of  books  altogether  would  be  very 
nearly  impossible,  and  would,  I  think,  result  in  irrita- 


184  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

tion  of  spirits  and  temper,  which  would  do  him  more 
harm  than  the  reading,  but  I  am  apprehensive  about 
injury  to  his  figure  and  chest  by  reading  in  cramped 
positions.  Then  we  have  to  think  of  his  eyes — the  par- 
ticular danger  in  using  them  so  much  at  so  early  an 
age.  He  is  not  allowed  to  read  by  artificial  light.  When 
studying  crowded  maps  he  uses  a  hand-magnifying- 
glass,  as  he  has  seen  his  grandfather  do.  He  has  two 
younger  brothers,  and  gets  a  good  deal  of  companion- 
ship from  the  elder,  a  healthy,  easy-tempered  little 
fellow,  who  shows  as  yet  no  signs  of  forwardness. 


IMAGINARY  PLAYMATES. 

My  little  daughter  was  an  only  child  for  many 
years,  and  our  house  was  often  besieged  with  imagin- 
ary playmates,  with  whom  she  took  walks,  played 
games,  and  enjoyed  herself.  At  an  early  age  she 
showed  a  strong  distaste  to  being  kissed,  especially 
by  strangers,  and  by  the  time  she  was  three  years  old 
a  certain  corner  of  the  sitting-room  was  inhabited  by 
a  personage  named  "Harry,"  who  sold  kisses  of  all 
kinds — diamond,  gold,  red,  blue,  etc. — and  whenever 
a  visitor  asked  for  a  kiss  Alice  would  trot  off  to  the 
corner,  when  something  like  the  following  colloquy 
Vvould  ensue: 

"Harry,  has  you  got  any    kisses  this    morning?" 
"No;  they're  all   gone."     "Haven't   you   even   one 
little  stale  one?     Mrs.  B.  wants  one."     "No;  but  I'll 
have  some  fresh  ones  after  awhile." 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  l8$ 

Then  she  would  come  back  and  tell  Mrs.  B.  that 
she  had  given  away  all  she  had  yesterday,  and  "Harry" 
had  none  made  yet,  which  settled  the  matter.  A  "bad 
monkey"  lived  with  us  for  several  years,  and  this  fancy 
was  of  rather  more  importance,  since  whenever  the 
child  did  wrong  the  "bad  monkey"  was  to  blame  either 
for  the  act  or  for  having  prompted  it.  I  overcame 
this  difficulty,  however,  without  much  trouble,  for 
when  the  "monkey"  had  committed  the  fault,  I  talked 
to  her  seriously,  telling  her  that  her  hands,  her  tongue, 
or  her  feet,  as  the  case  might  be,  had  really  done  the 
naughty  thing,  so  they  must  be  punished,  and  they 
were,  and  when  the  "monkey"  had  told  her  to  do  it  she 
must  be  punished  for  having  taken  bad  advice.  Let 
me  say  here  that  I  never  whipped,  and  never  punished 
a  fault  voluntarily  confessed,  nor  a  first  offence,  with 
the  exception  of  direct  disobedience.  Naughty  hands 
or  feet  were  tied  together,  but  more  often  I  put  her 
on  the  lounge  for  a  certain  length  of  time,  and  many 
times  when  she  was  "good  again"  she  made  the  "bad 
monkey"  sit  awhile  longer — he  always  shared  her  pun- 
ishments— because  "he's  the  worst,  mamma;  he  made 
me  do  it !"  "Eva"  and  "Bessie"  were  also  daily  com- 
panions who  slept,  ate,  and  played  with  Alice.  One 
or  the  other,  sometimes  both,  went  with  her  on  little 
errands,  and  never  failed  to  accompany  her  into  a 
dark  room  or  upstairs,  when  she  went  alone,  and  on 
these  occasions  the  "bad  monkey"  was  left  behind. 
She  would  also  fabricate  stories  regarding  these  and 
other  imaginary  friends,  to  which  I  listened  in  good 


1 86  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

faith,  pointing  out  the  faults  she  mentioned — generally 
her  own — and  telling  her  what  "Eva"  should  have 
done  in  the  circumstances.  I  took  frequent  opportun- 
ities of  explaining  the  difference  between  truth  and 
falsehood  on  the  broad  basis  that  only  an  im:ntion  to 
deceive  was  an  untruth,  and  as  she  grew  older  she 
drew  right  distinctions  for  herself. 


SENSITIVENESS   TO   STRANGE   SOUNDS. 

The  sensitiveness  of  my  baby  to  strange  sounds  may 
perhaps  be  of  interest  to  others.  He  is  a  very  bright 
little  fellow,  whose  senses  of  sight  and  of  hearing  seem 
very  acute.  He  sometimes  catches  sounds  so  faint 
that  I  only  become  conscious  of  them  on  being  made 
attentive  to  them  by  his  listening  attitude.  He  de- 
lights in  noisy  toys — drums,  shrill  horns,  bells,  etc. — 
and  the  most  showy,  brilliant  pieces  played  on  the 
piano  please  him  hugely;  he  is  very  much  entertained 
by  the  mewing  of  cats  and  barking  of  dogs,  imitating 
the  latter  quite  faithfully  and  with  infinite  zest.  When 
he  was  about  five  months  old  his  papa  took  him  for 
a  ride  in  his  perambulator,  and  on  bringing  him  home 
told  me  that  baby  had  had  a  violent  screaming  fit  dur- 
ing his  ride.  They  had  passed  a  garden  in  which 
there  was  a  cow  tied  to  a  tree,  and  this  cow  had 
greeted  them  with  a  loud  "moo,"  whereupon  baby 
had  taken  to  crying  loudly  and  long.  In  relating  this 
little  episode  my  husband  imitated  the  cow ;  baby,  who 
was  sitting  quietly  on  my  lap,  instantly  set  up  a  shriek, 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  187 

and  it  took  a  long  time  to  comfort  him.  The  next  day 
I  took  him  out,  and  walking  by  the  same  garden  saw 
the  identical  cow,  who  welcomed  us  also  with  a  pro- 
longed and  rather  angry  "moo."  Baby  cried  again, 
but  I  kept  on  going  by  with  him,  stopping  occasionally 
and  laughingly  imitating  the  animal  till  he  gradually 
became  accustomed  to  the  sound,  and  at  last,  after 
spending  about  half-an-hour  in  helping  to  overcome 
his  dread  of  the  cow's  voice,  he  was  much  interested 
and  pleased,  and  even  laughed  when  she  lowed. 
When  he  was  six  months  old  Eis  grandmamma  bought 
him  a  very  pretty  choral  humming-top.  When  shown 
to  baby  he  was  delighted  with  the  bright  colors  of  his 
new  toy,  held  it  in  his  hand  and  shook  it  gleefully,  but 
when  the  top  was  set  spinning  and  humming  there  was 
a  sudden  and  quite  unforseen  end  to  baby's  fun.  He 
cried  bitterly,  refusing  to  be  comforted,  and  wouldn't 
even  look  at  the  toy  when  held  up  to  him,  but  hid  his 
face  in  apparent  terror.  His  grandmamma  was  much 
disappointed,  and  as  there  was  no  particular  use  in 
teaching  him  to  overcome  this  fear  of  the  top,  I  quietly 
put  it  away.  The  other  day — baby  is  now  nearly  four- 
teen months  old — I  happened  to  see  the  offending  top 
and  took  it  to  him.  He  grasped  it  eagerly,  threw  it 
about  the  floor,  thumped  the  furniture  with  it,  and  was 
very  happy  with  it.  As  soon  as  I  set  it  spinning,  how- 
ever, and  the  humming  grew  decided,  he  was  quite 
as  terrified  as  before,  toddled  back  to  me  and  cried 
and  sobbed  so  bitterly  that  I  once  more  packed  the  top 
away.  The  humming  is  not  at  all  loud,  and  quite 


188  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

melodious,  and  it  is  an  unaccountable  thing  to  me  that 
a  child  who  likes  to  make  all  sorts  of  noises — pound- 
ing on  his  dinner-tray,  joyfully  blowing  a  horrid,  shrill 
whistle  and  an  equally  unpleasant  tin  horn — should 
have  such  a  strong  objection  to  the  humming  of  a 
choral  top. 

CULTIVATING  OR   CURBING  THE   IMAGI- 
NATION OF  YOUNG  CHILDREN? 

It  is  very  pretty  to  hear  my  little  two-year-old  ex- 
claim gleefully  over  a  colony  of  chattering  sparrows: 
"Hear  those  little  birds  laugh,  mamma!"  or,  when 
watching  a  couple  of  birds  one  snowy  morning :  "The 
mother-bird  and  the  little  girl-bird  eat  on  a  snow  table 
with  a  white  cloth."  But  it  becomes  an  important 
problem  when  I  find  that  her  information  on  all  sub- 
jects is  colored  by  the  surroundings  of  the  moment. 
In  speaking  first  to  her  of  the  good  God  I  unconscious- 
ly pointed  heavenward,  where  some  great  fleecy  clouds 
were  floating  in  the  summer  sky,  and  to  this  day  clouds 
for  her  represent  the  Deity,  and  in  spite  of  remon- 
strance call  forth  expressions  of  delight  over  "all  those 
beautiful  good  Gods  up  there."  For  more  than  a  year 
"Santa  Claus"  was  a  terror  to  her  because  of  the  black 
empty  fire-place  beside  which  she  first  hung  her  tiny 
sock  and  heard  the  legend  of  the  children's  saint. 

Unusually  accurate  in  her  statements  as  a  rule,  she 
sometimes  fabricates  a  tale,  with  her  own  or  some  one 
else's  vices  or  virtues  as  a  theme,  to  which  she  adheres 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  189 

with  a  pertinacity  worthy  of  a  better  cause.  Espec- 
ially is  this  true  of  "My  two  little  brudders"  (myths), 
whose  names  and  adventures  seem  as  real  to  her  as 
the  bona-fide  baby  sister  in  the  cradle.  How  to  culti- 
vate an  appreciation  of  her  obligations  toward  the 
truth,  without  destroying  her  pretty  fancies,  which  will 
make  poetry  out  of  the  prose  of  every-day  life,  is  my 
problem.  

A   YOUTHFUL   ADMIRER    OF    UNCLE    RE- 
MUS. 

Elizabeth,  five  years  old,  is  devoted  to  the  "Uncle 
Remus"  stories,  which  I  read  in  their  dialect;  and 
though  she  has  never  come  in  contact  with  negroes, 
she  thoroughly  understands  and  delights  in  the  tales. 
Norwald,  trotting  about  the  room,  listens  as  babies  do, 
and  likes  to  look  at  the  absurd  illustrations,  and  can 
point  out  "Bwer  Tehpim" — which  is  his  nearest  ap- 
proach to  "Tarrypin" — and  "The  day,"  as  he  calls 
"Miss  Meadows  and  the  gals."  For  some  time — a 
couple  of  weeks — Uncle  Remus  has  been  rather  in  the 
background,  and  stories  about  Santa  Claus  have  been 
uppermost.  At  dinner  to-day  Norwald,  who  likes  to 
feed  himself,  struggled  vainly  to  get  some  minced 
chicken  on  his  fork,  but  only  a  few  bread-crumbs  re- 
mained where  the  chicken  had  been.  After  several 
vain  efforts  this  small  boy  turned  to  me  and  said: 
"He  diggy,  diggy,  diggy,  but  no  meat  da."  The 
words  are  an  exact  quotation  from  the  story  of  "How 
Brer  Rabbit  saved  his  Meat."  We  were  so  astonished 


1 90  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

that  we  made  the  child  repeat  his  words,  which  he  did, 
and  added,  "Man  in  booka."  The  little  fellow  is  just 
putting  words  together,  and  is  two  years  and  three 
weeks  old.  Is  it  not  an  unusual  sign  of  mental  vigor 
to  remember  and  to  apply  such  a  saying? 


HOW  CHILDREN   CONNECT   IDEAS. 

When  my  oldest  boy  was  twenty  months  old  he 
pushed  his  dish  of  oatmeal  toward  me  and  said,  "Peel 
it."  "What  does  he  want  ?"  I  asked ;  but  no  one  knew, 
and  he  himself  was  able  to  explain  no  farther  than 
that  I  knew  how  to  "peel  it."  After  some  minutes 
spent  in  vain  endeavor  to  get  at  the  nature  of 
the  request,  I  put  on  a  few  more  grains  of  sugar. 
That  seemed  to  please  him,  but  it  was  not  yet 
"peeled."  A  little  more  milk  was  frowned  upon 
as  not  being  at  all  what  he  wanted.  Finally  in 
desperation  I  mashed  it  with  my  fork.  His  face 
lighted  immediately.  I  had  peeled  it.  The  child 
was  satisfied,  for  his  problem  was  solved";  but  mine 
was  only  begun.  Here  a  distinct  idea  had  been  given 
a  name  by  my  child.  The  name  in  connection  with 
the  idea  seemed  to  be  original  with  himself,  yet  he  was 
so  well  satisfied  with  it  that  he  clung  through  milk  and 
sugar  to  that  name  as  representing  that  idea.  Where 
did  he  get  it?  From  the  source  where  I  fancy  all 
children  get  new  ideas — the  big  outside  world.  To 
explain  I  must  add  that,  like  all  children,  he  was  very 
fond  of  apples,  but  I  would  never  allow  him  to  eat  one 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  191 

until  it  was  peeled.  Often  he  would  bring  me  one 
from  the  plate,  and  I  would  always  say,  "Papa  will 
peel  it,  then  Ralph  can  eat  it."  To  him,  then,  "peel" 
meant  to  fix  for  eating.  His  request  to  have  his  oat- 
meal peeled  was  a  transference  of  the  same  idea  from 
his  apple  to  his  oatmeal.  Shortly  after  he  wanted 
his  meat  "sharpened" — an  idea  gained  from  his  at- 
tempts to  mark  with  a  dull  pencil.  I  would  explain 
to  him  that  the  pencil  needed  to  be  sharpened,  which 
meant,  to  him,  cut  with  a  knife.  When  he  wanted  his 
meat  cut  with  a  knife,  what  more  natural  than  that  he 
should  ask  to  have  it  "sharpened?"  In  similar  man- 
ner my  little  girl  objected  to  a  pillow  which  had  no 
cover  upon  it,  saying,  "I  do  not  want  to  sleep  upon  a 
raw  pillow."  To  her  the  dark  color  of  the  bare  pillow 
suggested  the  dark  skins  of  the  raw  potato  in  contrast 
to  the  whiteness  of  the  cooked  ones.  This  term  she 
clung  to  for  many  months.  Now  for  a  complex  idea. 
Last  week  my  baby,  then  fifteen-and-a-half -months 
old,  was  in  my  arms  at  dusk  while  her  mother  prepared 
tea.  She  watched  the  process  with  her  usual  interest 
for  a  while;  then,  instead  of  urging  me  toward  the 
table,  as  she  often  had,  she  turned  and  pointed  toward 
the  lamp,  which  was  on  the  centre-table.  She  not  only 
pointed,  but  urged  me  toward  it.  I  could  not  under- 
stand her  idea,  until  I  remembered  that  it  was  our 
custom,  when  tea  was  ready,  to  move  the  lamp  from 
the  centre-table  to  the  dining-table.  Wishing  to  see 
if  she  had  that  idea  in  her  mind,  I  took  the  lamp  in  my 
hand  to  carry  it  to  the  dining-room,  when  she  laughed 


192  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

with  delight.  These  instances  have  led  me  to  think 
that  all  the  ideas  which  children  have  are  connected 
with  something  which  they  have  seen  or  heard.  The 
two  former  might  suggest  why  it  is  that  rude  peoples, 
having  but  a  limited  vocabulary,  express  several  con- 
nected ideas  by  the  same  word. 


LITTLE  ROB'S  FIRST  DREAM. 

I  have  hardly  ever  seen  or  heard  anything  in  baby 
annals  much  sweeter  than  my  little  three-year-old 
Rob's  description  of  his  dream  the  other  night.  I  think 
I  should  call  it  sweet  even  if  somebody  else's  boy  had 
said  it.  He  had  been  crying  very  pitifully  in  his  sleep, 
and  I  had  to  partly  wake  him  to  stop  the  sobbing.  In 
the  morning  I  asked  him  why  he  had  sobbed,  and  if  he 
had  been  dreaming.  His  eyes  grew  big  and  dark.  "Fy, 
mamma,  was  dat  a  dweam  ?  Is  dat  what  dweams  are  ? 
Fy,  I  sought  'ittle  Ella  fell  vay,  vay  down  in  a  deep, 
such  a  deep,  veil,  and  we  toodent  det  her  out — you, 
nor  papa,  nor  anybody.  And  I  didn't  know  what  to 
do,  and  I  cwied.  And  den  I  'membered,  and  I  wote  a 
letter  to  Dod  to  help  her,  and  He  des  flied  down  and 
took  her  wite  out  and  dave  her  to  us  aden!  Wasn't 
dat  dood  of  Him,  mamma?" 


YOUTHFUL  OBSTINACY. 

I  subjoin  an  account  of  one  or  two  peculiar  traits 
that  I  have  observed  in  my  little  girl,  and  which  seem 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  193 

to  belong  to  herself  alone.  One  of  them  is  very 
marked  scepticism.  She  is  now  within  a  month  of 
her  third  birthday,  but  she  was  only  about  twenty- 
seven  months  when  I  first  noticed  this  trait,  which 
does  not  grow  less.  She  has  never  been  deceived  in 
the  slightest  manner,  to  my  knowledge,  yet  she  posi- 
tively refuses  to  believe,  and,  when  to  convince  her 
by  proof  is  impossible,  "holds  her  own  opinion  still." 
For  instance,  a  few  evenings  ago  I  poured  some  milk 
in  the  cat's  saucer,  when  she  asked,  "Did  you  give  all 
dat  milk  to  pussy?"  I  said  no,  there  was  plenty  left 
for  her.  She  seemed  to  think  about  it  for  a  minute, 
then  asserted,  "You  did  give  it  all  to  pussy;"  and 
though  I  told  her  no  again  and  again  she  would  not 
be  satisfied  until  she  had  looked  into  the  pitcher.  She 
will  ask  her  papa  for  candy  when  he  comes  in,  and 
when  told  that  he  hasn't  any  insists  that  he  has,  even 
after  she  has  searched  every  pocket,  though  she  has 
never  once  found  any  when  told  there  was  none  there. 
Any  statement  she  makes,  no  matter  how  absurd,  she 
will  persist  in  until  convinced  by  ocular  demonstration 
(and  not  always  then)  that  she  is  wrong. 

She  is  very  fond  of  music  and  dearly  loves  to 
"pacsy"  (practice).  I  do  not  hinder  her,  for  she 
never  bangs  and  hammers  on  the  piano  as  most  chil- 
dren do,  and  seldom  makes  discords,  but  touches  the 
keys  lightly  with  one  finger  at  a  time  until  she  finds 
two  notes  that  accord (  one  with  each  hand),  when  she' 
plays  them.  She  does  not  always  hunt  out  notes  in 
this  manner,  but  often  enough  to  make  it  noticeable. 


194  Ot;R    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

She  is  a  restless  little  body,  full  of  mischief — one  of 
the  children  who  are  "into  everything,"  but  from  her 
second  year  she  would  sit  quiet  as  long  as  any  one 
would  play  for  her,  and  invariably  makes  a  third  at 
her  sister's  music  lesson,  always  asking  the  teacher 
to  "p'ay  for  me,"  and  at  the  end  of  each  piece  comes 
"Nozer !  more  p'ay  for  me." 


THE   BUMP   OF   DESTRUCTION. 

As  a  word  of  encouragement  to  mothers  who  have 
destructive  children,  I  would  like  to  relate  my  experi- 
ence with  one  boy,  who  annoyed  me  more  than  all  of 
the  others,  by  destroying  everything  that  was  given 
to  him  in  the  shape  of  a  toy.  It  really  seemed  a  per- 
fect delight  to  him  to  investigate  the  fundamental  prin- 
ciples of  a  toy,  especially  if  there  was  any  wire  or 
machinery  connected  with  it.  Then  it  was  a  source  of 
the  greatest  pleasure  to  take  a  knife  and  cut  it  out. 
I  remember  that  one  of  his  most  expensive  toys,  a 
hobby  horse  on  wheels  with  carriage  attachment,  suf- 
fered by  being  decapitated,  merely  to  gratify  his  curi- 
osity. I  finally  was  compelled  to  lock  up  all  his  play- 
things, and  refused  to  buy  any  more  until  he  learned 
how  to  take  care  of  them.  Then  he  was  forced  to  be 
contented  by  playing  with  odds  and  ends  around  the 
house,  and  amused  himself  for  hours  inventing  all 
kinds  of  queer  things  with  spools,  cord  and  wire. 
Lately  he  has  developed  quite  a  mechanical  genius,  and 
seems  to  enjoy  regulating  a  lock  or  adjusting  anything 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  195 

out  of  order,  and  the  work  is  so  nicely  done  that  we 
find  him  very  useful  about  the  house,  and  feel  almost 
repaid  for  the  amount  of  destruction  he  did  some 
years  ago. 


DISLIKE  OF  A  PILLOW. 

My  little  girl,  when  only  six  or  seven  weeks  old, 
showed  a  decided  dislike  to  a  pillow.  I  noticed  that 
after  I  had  settled  her  in  her  crib,  with  her  head  on 
the  little  pillow,  in  an  apparently  comfortable  position, 
she  would  be  restless  until  she  succeeded  in  working 
herself  down  in  the  crib  far  enough  to  get  her  head  en- 
tirely off  the  pillow,  when  she  would  be  quiet  and  take 
a  long  nap.  After  this  had  happened  several  times  I 
began  to  suspect  that,  although  so  young,  Miss  Baby 
did  not  like  the  pillow ;  so  I  removed  it  from  the  crib, 
and  put  her  down  with  her  head  on  the  same  level 
as  her  body.  The  result  was  that  she  stayed  just 
where  I  put  her. 

I  never  used  a  pillow  again  for  her  till  she  was  over 
a  year  old,  and  then  only  a  very  small  one. 


TROUBLE  WITH  EARLY   BAD   HABITS. 

I  will  relate  at  some  length  a  few  of  the  habits  of 
a  three-year-old  boy  in  my  own  family,  and  the  success 
with  which  we  have  combated  them.  The  first  one 
which  I  noticed  was  a  most  alarming  habit  of  heavy 
breathing,  which  appeared  when  the  child  was  no 


196  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

more  than  six  months  old.  The  breathing  at  times 
was  perfectly  normal,  but  at  frequently  recurring  in- 
tervals it  was  thick  and  labored  to  a  painful  degree. 
Strangers  invariably  thought  it  premonitory  of  croup, 
and  those  who  knew  him  better  feared  the  lungs  were 
already  diseased.  Constant  watchfulness  on  the  part 
of  those  nearest  him  confirmed  the  impression  that  the 
heavy  breathing  was  only  a  habit,  and  we  set  our- 
selves to  correct  it.  Always  during  sleep  the  breath 
came  as  quietly  and  softly  as  with  any  child,  and  it 
was  only  when  under  excitement  that  it  became  alarm- 
ing. The  first  thing,  then,  was  to  have  as  little  ex- 
citement as  possible,  and  upon  the  first  symptom  of 
labored  breathing  to  remove  the  child  to  perfect  quiet. 
As  he  grew  older,  and  more  capable  of  comprehending 
our  wishes,  we  gradually  taught  him  to  know  that  it 
displeased  us  and  to  stop  it  at  our  command.  By  de- 
grees the  intervals  during  which  the  breathing  was 
normal  became  longer  and  longer,  until  this  was  the 
general  state,  interrupted  only  by  occasional  departure. 
Now,  at  three  and  one-half  years,  there  is  not  a  trace 
of  it.  As  the  same  child  began  talking  he  tried  to 
speak  faster  than  he  could  form  the  words,  and  a 
habit  of  stammering  was  rapidly  forming.  We  did 
not  wait  until  we  had  a  fully  formed  habit  to 
battle  with,  but  attacked  it  immediately,  not  allow- 
ing a  single  sentence  to  be  uttered  until  the  one 
preceding  it  was  slowly  spoken  and  distinctly  enun- 
ciated. It  took  time  and  patience,  but  the  process  in- 
volved less  of  suffering  to  the  child  than  it  would  have 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  197 

done  at  any  later  time,  and  he  speaks  now  much  more 
clearly  and  distinctly  than  his  mates.  A  habit  of 
squinting,  and  another  of  sitting  stooped  in  his  car- 
riage, were  cured  by  constant  care.  There  was  an- 
other, the  cause  of  which  we  never  could  determine, 
which  proved  most  obstinate.  This  was,  at  first, 
thought  comparatively  harmless,  and  was  simply  the 
turning  forward  and  downward  of  the  upper  part  of 
the  ear.  It  soon  became  evident  that,  if  persisted  in, 
it  would  ruin  the  shape  of  the  ears,  and  thus  the  whole 
appearance  of  the  head,  and  we  set  to  work  to  correct 
it.  The  task  seemed  almost  hopeless  at  first,  for 
watchfulness,  commands,  and  even  punishment  pro- 
duced but  little  effect.  We  persisted,  however,  and 
in  time  were  rewarded  by  a  complete  victory. 


DANGEROUSLY      OVERWROUGHT     FEEL- 
INGS. 

That  children  have  feelings  will,  of  course,  not  be 
gainsaid,  but  to  what  extent  the  little  ones  suffer  when 
punishment  is  inflicted  upon  them  or  some  one  dear 
to  them  I  am  inclined  to  think  very  few  understand. 
A  case  in  point  occurred  in  my  own  household.  My 
little  daughter,  age  seven  years,  had  been  troubled  with 
a  fester  upon  her  finger,  which  was  very  painful  in 
its  necessary  dressing  and  attention.  Her  little 
brother  of  three-and-a-half  years  has  always  shown 
great  sympathy  for  her;  he  would  entreat  me  not  to 
hurt  Lulu.  This  was  all  considered  as  nothing  more 


198  OUR    SUCCESS    IX    CHILD-TRAINING. 

than  childish  sympathy,  as  after  each  occurrence  he 
would  resume  his  play;  but  it  would  appear  that  I 
unwittingly  taxed  his  feelings  past  endurance.  At 
the  last  dressing  of  the  finger  he  begged  me,  as  usual, 
not  to  "hurt  Lulu,"  standing  by  the  basin  in  which 
I  was  washing  the  hand,  when  suddenly  he  fell  faint- 
ing to  the  floor,  and  it  was  two  or  three  minutes  be- 
fore he  could  be  revived.  In  future  he  will,  of  course, 
be  taken  out  of  the  room  whenever  I  again  am  called 
upon  to  play  the  nurse ;  but  think  how  much  he  must 
have  suffered.  I  am  convinced  that  it  was  mental 
anguish  that  caused  him  to  faint,  for  both  previous  to 
and  after  the  faint  he  played  around  the  room  with  the 
other  children,  and,  while  he  had  been  suffering  from 
a  slight  cold,  he  was  in  no  other  way  unwell.  We 
have  never  had  to  call  the  doctor  to  him  since  his  birth, 
neither  had  he  been  similarlv  affected  before. 


VICARIOUS   VIRTUE   AND   VICE. 

My  three-year-old  girl,  growing  up  like  a  wild 
flower,  has  something  worth  noticing — a  good  deal  of 
self-control.  Like  all  children  she  is  fond  of  seeing 
pictures.  This  quiet  evening  amusement  is  made  bv 
me  a  lesson  in  morality,  without  preaching.  One  girl 
from  her  picture  book,  called  Lottie,  I  have  raised  to 
be  the  bearer  of  all  those  childish  virtues  and  good 
qualities  I  should  like  my  little  Lili  to  possess;  an- 
other, who  with  an  angry  face  throws  away  her  doll, 
is  called  simply  "naughty  girl,"  and  to  her  are  ascribed 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  199 

Lili's  own  faults  and  little  vices.  I  have  succeeded  so 
well  in  arousing  her  interest  in  those  two  girls  that 
they  have  grown  to  be  living  examples  to  her,  and 
comparing  her  to  Lottie  or  to  the  naughty  girl  who 
causes  headache  to  her  mamma,  is  for  her  real  reward 
or  punishment.  Several  times,  when  she  was  going 
to  do  a  little  mischief,  I  had  only  to  say,  "Remember 
Lottie,  who  would  not  do  such  a  thing,"  to  make  her 
stand  still  and  reflect.  Probably  good  and  bad  were 
struggling  for  mastery  within  the  little  heart;  and  in 
nine  cases  out  of  ten  the  good  proved  to  be  victorious. 
Then  a  tender  kiss  and  the  assurance  that  she  was  as 
good  as  Lottie  are  her  reward. 

For  a  long  time  she  could  not  bear  to  be  laughed  at, 
even  when  she  intentionally  said  a  funny  thing.  So 
one  day  I  told  her  that  "naughty  girl"  did  the  same 
thing,  but  that  Lottie  always  laughed  when  she  saw 
her  papa  and  mamma  laugh.  Since  that  time  she 
heartily  laughs  with  us  at  her  own  blunders.  She  has 
a  swing.  The  other  day  her  Javanese  playmate, 
Oomi  wanted  to  sit  in  it.  But  children  of  three  are 
egoists ;  and  so  Lili  refused  to  Oomi  the  use  of  her 
swing,  which  made  poor  Oomi  shed  bitter  tears.  I  am 
a  believer  in  the  doctrine  of  Jean  Paul  and  do  not  force 
my  girl  to  be  kind.  But  I  told  her  of  good  Lottie, 
who  always  pities  the  poor  Javanese  babies  that  have 
no  playthings  at  all,  and  allows  them  to  borrow  her 
own  things  when  they  want  them.  "Will  not  my 
sweet  Lili  follow  Lottie's  example?"  I  asked  her. 
And  ves,  Oomi  was  allowed  to  sit  with  her  in  the 


200  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

swing.  Since  that  day  she  invites  Oomi  to  share  the 
pleasure  with  her  every  time  she  is  going  to  sit  in 
her  swing.  She  enjoys  the  happy  face  of  the  brown 
baby  and  calls  me  to  see  Oomi  laugh.  So  she  has 
learned  that  it  is  better  to  make  a  playmate  laugh 
than  cry. 

In  the  same  way  I  keep  her  from  taking  away  Baby 
Fred's  playthings,  and  she  even  lets  him  play  with  her 
own  when  he  wants  to.  This  method  saves  a  good 
deal  of  scolding,  spanking  and  compromise  by  means 
of  sweets  and  money.  All  this  may  not  be  new ;  but  as 
in  the  time  of  King  Solomon  there  was  nothing  new 
under  the  sun,  it  may  be  good  now  and  then  to  dig 
up  old  things  again. 


A  PRETTY  BED-TIME  FANCY. 

An  odd  fancy  of  my  little  daughter  may  not  be  un- 
interesting to  other  mothers.  From  her  babyhood  I 
have  sung  to  her,  among  other  lullabies,  the  little  Ger- 
man one: 

"Sleep,  baby,  sleep; 
The  large  stars  are  the  sheep,"  etc. 

One  day,  when  she  was  two-years-and-a-half  old,  I 
heard  her  singing  to  her  dolly, 

"Sleep,  darlin'  sleep, 
Dream  o'  snow-white  sheep." 

My  attention  was  caught,  because  although  I  recog- 
nized the  resemblance  to  the  lullaby,  those  words  had 
not  been  used,  there  being  no  mention  of  "snow-white" 
sheep  or  any  dreaming  of  sheep.  I  concluded  her 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  2OI 

auntie  must  have  sung  her  another  song  with  these 
words,  but  on  inquiry  I  found  she  had  not.  The  child 
had  picked  up  the  words  somewhere  and  put  them 
together  of  her  own  accord,  though  I  don't  know 
where  she  got  the  expression  "snow-white  sheep,"  as  I 
never  remember  saying  it  to  her.  I  have  a  habit  of 
saying  when  I  tuck  her  into  her  crib,  "Good-night! 
Sweet  dreams!"  and  after  that  time  she  would  repeat 
the  words,  and  add:  "Dream  o'  snow-white  sheep." 
After  going  through  that  form  every  night  for  a 
while,  she  shortened  it  to  "Good-night !  Sweet  dreams 
o'  snow-white  sheep." 

It  is  nearly  a  year  since  she  commenced  it,  and  it  is 
now  just  as  much  a  part  of  going  to  bed  as  the  evening 
prayer.  After  repeating  the  magic  words  she  expects 
me  to  return  the  compliment,  and,  if  I  fail  to,  will 
cry  till  I  come  back  and  say  "my  piece."  Whether 
bed-time  is  stormy  or  sunshiny,  the  last  words  mur- 
mured, out  of  tears  or  smiles,  are,  "Good-night !  Sweet 
dreams  o'  snow-white  sheep."  She  has  never  enlight- 
ened me  as  to  whether  she  really  does  dream  of  said 
animals,  but  I  am  quite  curious  to  see  how  long  she 
will  keep  up  the  custom. 


CHILDREN'S   IDEAS   OF  TIME. 

How  can  we  give  a  young  child  a  clear  idea  of  time 
— past  and  future? 

Our  little  Ethel,  three-and-a-half  years  old,  asked 
her  mother  one  day,  "Where  do  the  other  days  go  to?" 


202  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

and  she  was  told,  "Into  the  past.''  A  day  or  two  after, 
as  she  was  at  lunch,  she  asked  the  same  question 
again  and  got  the  same  answer.  "What  is  the 
past,  mamma?"  she  added.  "O  Ethel,  dear!"  her 
mamma  said,  "the  other  days  gone  behind  you."  All 
this  her  papa  did  not  know  about.  One  morning  soon 
after,  Ethel  went  down-stairs  to  eat  her  breakfast  with 
her  papa,  before  mamma  and  the  sisters  came  down. 
"Papa,"  she  said,  fixing  her  big  blue  eyes  earnestly  on 
him,  as  she  sat  in  her  chair  with  her  back  toward  the 
door  into  the  hall — "Papa,  mamma  said  the  other  days 
went  behind  me,  and  I  went  and  looked  into  the  hall, 
and  I  couldn't  find  them."  This  papa  couldn't  under- 
stand until  inquiry  brought  out  the  explanations  which 
her  mamma  had  attempted.  Ethel's  sister  Edith  (who 
is  two  years  older)  had  learned  the  order  and  suc- 
cession of  days,  months,  and  seasons,  and  explains  to 
Ethel  that  every  day  that  passes  will  come  back  next 
year.  "For,"  she  argues,  "will  not  the  sixth  of  March 
come  after  the  fifth  of  March  next  year?" 

Ethel's  latest  way  of  explaining  a  day  of  the  past  is, 
that  such  a  thing  happened  such  a  day,  "that  went 
away  from  now."  Can  we  clear  it  up  any  better? 


A  BABY'S  FIRST  WORDS. 

It  seems  to  me  that  the  first  words  of  both  my  two 
boys  (besides  "mamma")  were  rather  unusual.  The 
youngest,  who  is  nine-and-a-half  months  old,  surprised 
us  the  other  day  by  answering  the  jocose  query,  "Did 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  203 

you  sleep  well?"  with  the  very  distinct  affirmation,  "I 
did."  He  has  since  repeated  these  words,  both  in 
response  to  the  same  question  and  of  his  own  accord, 
dozens  of  times,  and  his  parents  are  very  proud  of 
his  accomplishment,  although  they  do  not  claim  that 
he  is  fully  conscious  of  the  meaning  of  what  he  says. 
Baby's  brother  at  about  the  same  age  hit  upon  "tick- 
tack"  as  a  good  word  to  start  the  English  language 
with,  following  it  up  with  "drum,"  uttered  with  a 
peculiar,  rolling  sound  which  seemed  to  imitate  the 
noise  of  the  instrument  that  was  the  delight  of  his 
babv  davs. 


THE  DIFFERENT  DISPOSITIONS  OF  TWO 
DEVOTED  LITTLE  BROTHERS. 

We  have  in  our  home  two  very  devoted  little 
brothers,  Baby  Louis,  who  will  be  two  years  old  in 
April,  and  Sam,  nearly  four-and-a-half  years  old. 
Sam  is  as  sensitive  and  timid  as  a  little  girl,  and  will 
sit  down  for  hours  with  his  kindergarten  sewing  or 
dissected  pictures,  while  Louis  is  absolutely  fearless, 
bubbling  over  with  mischief — equally  ready  to  kiss  and 
hug,  and  to  seize  the  corner  of  a  table-cover  and  "clear 
the  table"  without  a  moment's  notice.  He  says  "nice 
little  Sam"  in  the  gentlest  tone  one  moment,  and  the 
next  plants  his  fingers  in  his  brother's  hair  and  pulls 
it  vigorously.  I  found  him  one  day  picking  out  the 
brightest  pennies  from  his  little  barrel-bank  and  put- 
ting them  into  a  gay  little  box.  When  I  inquired  what 


204  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

he  was  going  to  do  with  them  he  said,  "I  thought  it 
was  time  we  were  saving  pennies  for  little  Precious." 
It  was  his  great  delight  last  summer  to  "dress  the  baby 
up"  with  pansies,  drawing  the  long  stems  through  the 
open-work  of  his  little  cap  and  dress.  Some  one  sug- 
gested to  Sam  that  a  good  way  to  cure  baby  of  pulling 
his  hair  would  be  to  pull  back  once,  so  Louis  would 
know  how  it  feels.  He  replied  in  amazement,  <fOh! 
I  wouldn't  do  it  for  the  world."  These  mischievous 
little  hands  of  Baby  Louis  are  our  great  study  now. 
We  have  found  that  tying  them  together  is  only  a 
source  of  amusement  to  him,  while  to  Sam  it  would  be 
a  dreadful  punishment.  A  sudden,  thorough  "spank- 
ing" is  the  most  effective  cure  we  have  found. 


A   REMARKABLE   MEMORY. 

Our  oldest  boy,  now  two  years  and  two  months  old, 
remembers  a  great  deal  about  our  last  summer's  stay 
in  the  country,  and  months  after  our  return  surprised 
us  by  mentioning  all  sorts  of  animals,  flowers,  people, 
and  occurrences  connected  with  our  summering.  He 
knows  over  thirty  different  songs,  in  German  and 
English,  word  for  word ;  and  on  turning  over  the  pic- 
tures is  able  to  repeat  all  the  contents  of  one  German 
and  one  English  book  of  nursery  rhymes,  and  all  only 
from  having  them  repeated  for  his  entertainment,  not 
in  order  to  impress  them  on  his  memory.  We  try  to 
keep  him  back  and  on  no  account  wish  to  cram  him. 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  205 

But  his  great  forte  is  remembering  localities.  At  the 
age  of  twenty-three  months  he  went  out  with  his  mam- 
ma and  in  some  way  or  other  stumbled  and  fell,  getting 
himself  extremely  dusty,  the  vigorous  brushing  mam- 
ma was  obliged  to  give  him  with  her  handkerchief 
evidently  making  a  great  impression.  The  other  day 
— nearly  three  months  afterwards — his  mamma  took 
him  through  the  same  street  in  his  perambulator,  and 
on  coming  to  the  identical  spot  on  which  the  accident 
happened  he  turned  and  said  to  her  "Here  Arthur 
fell." 

After  our  return  from  the  country,  last  September, 
his  mamma  delegated  the  duty  of  taking  Arthur  out 
to  other  members  of  the  family  for  a  while.  Grandpa 
took  him  out  walking  frequently,  and  usually  to  a 
street  called  Grace  Court,  which  runs  down  to  the 
water,  and  where  a  double  row  of  elms  gives  abundant 
shade  and  at  the  same  time  furnishes  Arthur  with 
switches.  One  sunny  day  between  Christmas  and 
New  Year's,  when  the  streets  were  foot-deep  with 
snow,  mamma  rode  Arthur  out,  and  incidentally 
passed  this  street,  which  he  had  not  seen  since  the  end 
of  September,  and  on  crossing  it  Arthur  looked  down 
towards  the  water  and  ecstatically  called  out,  "Gay 
Cou't,  Gay  Cou't ;  g'anpa  and  Arthur  pick  up  whips." 

One  other  instance.  He  has  an  aunt  who  resides 
at  a  distance,  and  whom  he  rarely  sees,  but  who  is 
nevertheless  a  great  favorite.  Auntie  calling  one  day 
as  mamma  and  Arthur  were  just  starting  on  their 
daily  constitutional,  she  joined  them,  and  walked  with 


206  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

them  up  Henry  street  for  some  distance  and  then 
turned  down  a  side  street.  He  looked  longingly  after 
her  till  he  could  see  her  no  longer,  and  then  turned  his 
attention  to  other  objects  of  interest.  Several  weeks 
after  mamma  took  him  up  Henry  street  again,  and 
as  he  was  wheeled  across  Carrol  street  he  pointed 
down  it  and  said,  "Auntie  went  down  there." 


SENSITIVENESS    AND    SELF-RESTRAINT. 

Gertrude,  eighteen  months  of  age,  has  always  been 
a  particularly  sociable  baby,  not  afraid  of  any  one — a 
fact  which  proceeded,  I  suppose,  from  her  being  my 
companion  so  much,  and  seeing  nearly  all  my  friends, 
as  I  kept  no  nurse  for  her.  One  day,  not  many  weeks 
ago,  a  gentleman  was  calling,  and  Gertrude  was  in  the 
room.  She  exerted  all  her  pretty  wiles  to  elicit  a  word 
of  kindness,  such  as  she  had  never  been  denied;  but 
the  gentleman,  not  being  a  lover  of  children,  took  no 
notice.  From  that  day  she  has  been  extremely  shy, 
and  shrinks  away  when  spoken  to  by  persons  whom 
she  does  not  know  well;  whereas  before  she  always 
responded  prettily  and  was  as  entertaining  as  possible. 

Apropos  of  self-control,  a  certain  kind  has  been 
taught  her — namely,  that  of  self-restraint  from  crying. 
My  method  has  always  been  to  take  her  falls  and 
bumps  cheerfully,  talking  to  her  about  the  floor  or 
chair  against  which  she  hurt  herself.  Consequently 
she  never  cries,  unless  she  is  severely  hurt,  and  then 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  207 

only  as  long  as  the  hard  pain  lasts.  Sometimes  she 
has  looked  up  with  a  frightened  air  from  a  fall,  and, 
seeing  me  smiling  at  her,  the  fright  has  vanished  from 
her  face  and  she  has  smiled  herself;  while,  one  day, 
when  she  was  slightly  hurt,  the  condolences  of  a  mis- 
taken friend  nearly  set  her  crying.  I  think  this 
method  has  gone  far  to  prevent  the  formation  of  a 
habit  of  crying. 


CONSCIENTIOUS,  YET  INCLINED  TO  TELL 
FALSEHOODS. 

Our  elder  child,  a  girl  four  years  of  age,  has  within 
a  few  months  past  begun  a  habit  of  telling,  occasion- 
ally, deliberate  falsehoods,  supporting  them  by  fancied 
circumstances  to  bear  out  her  assertions.  She  is  usu- 
ally a  good  child,  very  conscientious  and  obedient,  and 
of  an  amiable  disposition.  We  have  heretofore  re- 
frained from  punishing  her  in  any  way,  except  for  dis- 
obedience; and  in  the  matter  of  falsehood  we  have 
simply  drawn  her  attention  to  the  fact  that  she  had 
stated  what  was  not  true,  fearing  that  severity  would 
aggravate  rather  than  cure  the  tendency.  In  fact  we 
have  generally  avoided  placing  her  in  situations  where 
she  would  be  tempted  to  tell  an  untruth.  We  have  no 
servants,  and  the  child  associates  regularly  only  with 
her  younger  sister,  who  is  not  yet  able  to  talk,  and 
we  are  therefore  satisfied  that  the  disposition  to  mis- 
represent comes  naturally. 


208  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

CHILDREN'S    VIEWS    ON    MATTERS    OF 
DRESS. 

An  ardent  lover  of  mine,  aged  five,  left  my  side  un- 
ceremoniously and  could  not  be  induced  to  return.  "I 
am  going  to  sit  next  to  Cousin  Flora ;  I  am  not  going 
to  sit  by  you.  I  like  her  better  than  I  do  you."  "But 
why?  Does  she  tell  you  better  stories  than  I  do?" 
"No ;  but  her  dress  is  prettier  than  yours."  The  earli- 
est distinct  recollection  of  a  woman  now  thirty  is  of  a 
new  red  dress  purchased  for  her  when  she  was  three 
years  old,  and  the  feeling  of  exultation  when  she  first 
put  it  on  was  one  expressed  by  the  little  girl  in  Hans 
Andersen  when  she  said:  "Mamma,  what  will  the 
dogs  say  to  me  now?" — or  was  felt  by  Dr.  Johnson 
when,  arrayed  in  the  gay  dress  which  he  thought  fit 
for  a  dramatic  author,  he  went  to  witness  his  play  of 
"Irene."  It  is  so  entirely  natural  for  children  to  care 
about  clothes  that  the  feeling  ought  not  to  be  disre- 
garded or  condemned. 


THE  CHILD'S   WORLD. 

Thinking  over  my  own  childish  experiences,  and 
seeking  by  my  memories  to  have  a  deeper  sympathy 
with  children,  I  have  questioned  whether  we  realize 
yet,  with  all  our  child  study,  how  much  the  child 
lives  in  an  imaginary  world.  It  may  not  be  true  of 
all,  but  I  think  it  is  of  most,  that  the  beings  children 


UNUSUAL    TRAITS.  209 

imagine  are  far  more  real  than  the  people  of  flesh  and 
blood  who  live  with  them. 

My  world,  when  I  was  six  years  old,  was  largely 
made  up  of  an  imaginary  family  who  were  sharers  in 
all  my  interests.  They  were  Episcopalians,  because 
I  attended  that  church;  they  lived  as  I  did,  and  I 
played  with  the  little  girl  of  the  family,  as  I  do  not 
remember  playing  with  any  of  my  little  friends.  To 
this  day  that  dream-child  is  as  vivid  in  my  memory 
as  any  member  of  my  own  family.  The  house  in 
which  I  fancied  her  living  stands  out  in  my  mind  as 
clearly  as  does  my  own  home  of  that  period,  and  yet 
no  such  house  existed.  I  often  played  for  hours  in 
a  room  alone,  but  surrounded  in  my  fancy  by  many 
people,  to  each  of  whom  I  talked,  and  all  of  whom 
were  very  important  to  me.  My  fears  were  of  my 
imagination  also.  Naturally  I  was  very  brave,  fear- 
ing nothing  when  quite  young,  but  as  my  mind  became 
filled  with  creations  of  fancy  I  began  to  fear  many 
absurd  things ;  for  example,  when  I  went  to  bed  I 
pulled  the  clothes  close  up  around  my  head  and  cov- 
ered my  ears,  lest  some  one  should  box  them  in  the 
night;  never  being  thus  struck,  I  yet  had  a  horror  of 
it,  and  it  was  all  to  no  purpose  that  my  mother 
reasoned  with  me  that  no  one  would  touch  me  in  the 
night. 

Many  other  terrors  beset  me,  as  unreasonable  as 
this,  and  all  the  result  of  imagination,  not  the  conse- 
quence of  some  punishment  or  of  some  injury. 

Try  as  best  we  may,  children  will  not  tell  the  fancies 


210  OUR    SUCCESS    IN    CHILD-TRAINING. 

that  haunt  their  minds.  We  do  wrong  when  we  make 
children  go  to  sleep  in  dark  rooms  if  they  shrink  from 
the  darkness,  and  compel  them  to  go  to  some  place 
they  fear  because  we  know  that  it  is  safe.  A  child 
whom  I  knew  well  suddenly  began  to  show  fear  of  a 
certain  room,  and,  after  daylight  had  faded,  would  not 
go  into  it  alone.  Her  mother  tried  in  all  ways  to  find 
by  observation  what  it  was  that  she  feared,  but  it  was 
not  till  long  after  that  the  child  told  what  she  dreaded. 
A  piece  of  furniture  in  the  room  had  upon  it  a  round 
piece  of  fancifully  grained  wood;  when  the  gaslight 
fell  across  it,  it  looked  a  little  like  a  man's  face,  and, 
while  she  knew  it  was  not  a  person  or  anything  that 
could  harm  her,  she  still  feared  it. 

Many  similar  things  have  come  to  my  notice,  and  I 
am  convinced  that,  unless  we  can  fathom  the  numer- 
ous fancies  that  a  child  lives  in,  we  cannot  hope  to 
get  at  the  real  child  and  know  him  so  that  we  can 
study  and  teach  him  to  advantage.  Let  us  touch  with 
delicate  hands  these  fears,  loves,  and  hates  of  his,  and 
be  gentle  in  our  treatment  of  him.  Few  children  need 
heroic  handling,  but  many  do  require  sympathy  and 
forbearance  with  what  looks  like  an  obstinate  persis- 
tence in  whims.  The  great  secret  of  reaching  children 
is  sympathetic  knowledge  of  them. 


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